Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, met with Kızılcahamam residents at the conference titled “Family Communication” organized by Kızılcahamam Municipality and the Association of Defenders of Justice (ASDER). Tarhan, stating that love emerges in a marriage if there is love plus good cooperation, said: “Is there any better refuge than a happy marriage? You work outside, you get tired, you come home, you put your feet up, there’s a conversation, a sharing. There's a warm atmosphere; this is a great reason for gratitude. To ensure this, it's necessary to invest in marriage.”
“A good family is needed to raise good children”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, who met with Kızılcahamam residents at the Adem Özbekler Culture Center in Ankara, addressed the topic that protecting the family is a medium-to-long-term endeavor. Tarhan stated: “Family is important. Is raising a good child less important than building a good factory? What good would it do? Therefore, a good family is needed to raise good children. Healthy children cannot grow up where there is no good family. It’s impossible. Because what does a child take as an example while growing up? They take their mother, father, and their relationship as examples. The protection of the institution of marriage has already been given special care in our constitution. If we do not protect it, our future generations, our grandchildren, will say to us, ‘Shame on you.’ Protecting the family is not a short-term thing, but a medium and long-term one.”
“Children emulate experiences, not what is said”
Tarhan made evaluations in the context that discovering what is good and beautiful is the responsibility of every parent; “If we cannot establish a warm marriage, our role as a good businessman is useless. We need to have the role of a good spouse. We need to have the role of a good businessman, and a good father. Children emulate experiences, not what is said. They absorb the stories they live and do not forget them; those stories, in later life, are unconsciously applied as life scenarios. We need to plant the life scenarios experienced in childhood into the child's world as positive seeds so that they become beautiful trees, beautiful flowers, and plants in the future.”
“Trust is formed where there is justice”
Tarhan, mentioning that trust is the greatest capital; “Justice begins in the family. When we apply justice in the family, trust is formed. Trust is the greatest capital. Love alone does not create trust. Love plus justice equals trust. If there is no fair relationship, but rather an authoritarian, intimidating one, then that marriage will not last. It's no longer possible. This is not the right approach for this era. When analyzing an event, crises have a threat dimension. And there is also an opportunity dimension in a crisis. What is in the threat? The marriage is on the verge of collapsing. What is the opportunity dimension? It can be an opportunity to make the marriage better. There is an opportunity to strengthen marital bonds. There is a step where one side makes a sacrifice, and then the other side also makes a sacrifice afterward.”
“The time a child spends with their parents is very important”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan addressed the biggest causes of breakdown in marriages. Tarhan stated: “Currently, one of the biggest causes of breakdown in marriage is when a woman dedicates herself to her children after marriage, neglecting her spouse. Similarly, when a man devotes himself to work, neglecting his family. The distance between these two lengthens. As the distance lengthens, coldness begins, and when coldness begins, conflicts arise. Of course, it is not visible; one pleases the mother, the other pleases the father. Children grow up haphazardly during this time, but if they see their father even less, in such situations, the time a child, especially a male child, spends with their father is so important that if a man focuses on work to the extent of neglecting his home and not interacting with his children, he regrets it in later life. I have observed that the reason for many regrets is, ‘I wish I had spent a little more time with my children.’ Therefore, for individuals who are busy in such situations, we recommend ‘quality togetherness.’ Even if you work, dedicate fifteen to twenty minutes to your child. Have quality time together, one-on-one contact, time with eye contact. When you do this, in such situations, the child says, ‘My dad loves me.’ They feel their father values them. The child can identify with their father.”