With the support of the Istanbul Governorship, the Üsküdar University and NPİSTANBUL Brain Hospital implemented the 'Families at the University' Project, which is starting to be applied in four districts of Istanbul. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, who gave the first lecture titled “Family in Difficult Times” to participants determined by the district governorships of Üsküdar, Pendik, Gaziosmanpaşa, and Eyüpsultan, emphasized that trust and cooperation are the two magic key concepts in a family. Stating that marriage is being a good combination, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Family is an area of communication and trust. Love is required for trust. If there is love but no trust, it still doesn't work. Love + honesty = trust emerges.” Tarhan added that the weakening of love and trust lies at the root of divorce cases.
The 'Families at the University' Project, implemented in cooperation with Üsküdar University and NPİSTANBUL Brain Hospital with the support of the Istanbul Governorship, is starting to be implemented in Istanbul's Üsküdar, Pendik, Gaziosmanpaşa, and Eyüpsultan districts. Training sessions for families, couples, and young people determined by the district governorships will begin on November 24, 2020.
The first lecture of the 'Families at the University' Project took place online with the participation of approximately one thousand people, within the scope of measures to combat the pandemic. Gaziosmanpaşa District Governor Numan Hatipoğlu, Eyüpsultan District Governor İhsan Kara, Pendik District Governor Dr. Hülya Kaya, and Üsküdar District Governor Murat Sefa Demiryürek attended the meeting.
First Lecture from Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “Family in Difficult Times”
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, shared the factors and recommendations necessary for the family, which is the foundation of society, to be strong, in his inaugural lecture-seminar titled “Family in Difficult Times.”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “We acted for social benefit”
Tarhan noted that within the scope of the 'Families at the University' Project, Üsküdar University is currently trying to foresee the needs of the future not only for Turkey but for humanity, and to produce solutions for them. He said, “We are trying to do something not just problem-oriented, but solution-oriented. Within this framework, we believe it is our responsibility to share the knowledge we have with people. In fact, not sharing is a sin. In family and human relationships, the knowledge we possess about this should be shared and explained. How would this happen? This was the idea that motivated us. We thought, 'What can we do to share information with society and achieve social benefit instead of individual benefit?' and we started a project study last year before the pandemic began.”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan thanked Istanbul Governor Ali Yerlikaya
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that they achieved significant results in the first phase of the project and that the project proved itself. He added that in the next stage, Istanbul Governor Ali Yerlikaya and Deputy Governor Abdurrahman İnan also provided very valuable support to the project, and he thanked them.
Tarhan: “There are three diseases that weaken the family”
Tarhan pointed out that there are three diseases that weaken the family today: “Firstly, secularism. Secondly, social anomie. Thirdly, individualism. Secularism has become a somewhat contaminated concept. In TDK (Turkish Language Association), its meaning is given as 'worldliness'. Secularism should not be politicized. Worldliness means living as if there is no death and no afterlife. In secularism, a person whose conscience weakens and becomes selfish sees the family as a burden. A person with this mindset, if their spouse falls ill, says, 'What do I care, I only live once' and immediately divorces. It makes people self-centered. Secondly, social anomie. This naturally weakens the family too. There are social walls that protect society. We can also call them social pressure, social norms. These also protected the family before. If a child did something wrong, a neighbor could warn them. But currently, social norms have broken down. The family now has to protect itself. The family has become the last refuge against social diseases. Thirdly is individualism,” he said.
Tarhan noted that the understanding that considers the individual, not the family, sacred is one of the erroneous teachings of modern life. He said, “Our children grow up this way with popular culture. A child growing up like this ends their marriage in a small crisis. All of these are our value judgments; we make decisions based on them.”
Tarhan: “When love and honesty combine, trust emerges”
Tarhan stated that the family institution is a living entity with a personality. He said, “In organizational psychology, the family is an area of communication and trust. In our first psychiatric experiences, it was called a nest of love, but now it is called an area of trust. Because love is required for trust. If there is love but no trust, it still doesn't work. Love + honesty = trust emerges. Love alone is not enough for trust. The family has a personality. Currently, if financial hardship is cited in divorce cases, that seems to be the visible part of the issue. The invisible part is the weakening of love and trust. If a person does not feel secure about their future or does not love, they do not invest in the family. Therefore, we need to focus on how to increase these,” he said.
Tarhan: “Healthy children cannot be raised in a home without a warm atmosphere”
Tarhan noted that there are behavioral patterns in the family, pointing out the importance of couples' approaches, and said: “Protectiveness, intrusiveness, mother and father roles, democratic functioning, authoritarianism, marital discord… In Turkish society, the most common observation is that the mother's level of intrusiveness in the family is very high. There are mothers who have overdone protectiveness, in which case the child has no free will. It is examined whether everything can be discussed within the family's functioning, or if everyone flees when the father comes home, if there is fear-based discipline, or love-based discipline. Marital discord is also very important in terms of family behavioral patterns. If there is no warm atmosphere at home, healthy children will not be raised there. Everyone should come home willingly. If they come unwillingly, that home is not a nest of love, it is not an area of trust. There is no happiness in that home. The best gift a father can give his child is to love their mother. Smart men do this. When the child loves their mother, they are happy.”
Tarhan: “If there is good cooperation, it can turn into lifelong love”
Tarhan stated that love has a chemistry. He said, “Love was previously the subject of literati and poets. But after the 90s, after the neurobiology of nerves and emotions was understood, the chemistry of love also emerged. Sleep, appetite, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and growth hormone are chemicals related to the attraction that arises during love. Pathological love is a disease. If there is good cooperation, and love is managed, it can turn into lifelong love. If there is a good relationship, one where there is love, trust, and family values, love turns into affection, becoming sustainable. It can become a long-lasting emotion,” he said.
Tarhan: “The two magic concepts in a family are trust and cooperation”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also drew attention to the values that hold a family together. He said, “Consultation, equality, autonomy, fairness, love, trust, sharing, material and spiritual gains are among these values. There are two magic key concepts in a family. One is the concept of trustworthiness. In a study conducted on 54,000 people in 2009, the first quality sought in a family leader was honesty. This also applies in the family. In the leadership circle, trust is at the center. Then concepts such as values and competence follow. The wheel turns on trust. One should not lie even as a joke within the family. The biggest enemy of love is lies, even white lies. An open, transparent, and accountable relationship is the most important trust provider in a family and determines the family's leader. The family leader is not a man or a woman. The family leader is someone who honestly manages events and can manage the relationship with children and the spouse. A child trusts an honest person. They do not trust a lying mother or father. Therefore, honesty is an important value in the family. The second important value is the concept of cooperation. This determines the peace of the family. V-formation flight is how wild geese fly for hours across continents. The bird in front constantly flaps its wings, creating a void; if it flaps its wings 10 times, those behind it flap 3-5 times. When the front one gets tired, they switch places. They have become an amazing family, but humanity does not do this, even though it should take inspiration from geese. This means that to be a family, one needs to be a team. The 'we' consciousness is important. Marriage is being a good combination.”
Pendik District Governor Dr. Hülya Kaya: “The project will be implemented beautifully and will grow further”
Pendik District Governor Dr. Hülya Kaya stated that they have been following the project from the very beginning, saying, “I witnessed on the first day how valuable and significant a work would be presented. With the support of our esteemed governor, this project is coming to life. We are excited about it. Hopefully, the project will be implemented beautifully. Those who hear about and participate in the outcomes of this project will recommend it to others. Perhaps a second round could be done. Participants who receive this training from our highly esteemed instructors will recommend it to their friends. This is a very serious need in the field. I think it would be great if we could do a second, or even a third, round,” she said.
Üsküdar District Governor Murat Sefa Demiryürek: “An environment of peace, trust, and love greatly contributes to a child feeling prosperous”
Üsküdar District Governor Murat Sefa Demiryürek expressed his satisfaction at being part of the project, stating that they have collaborated with Üsküdar University on various projects and have done very productive work. Demiryürek noted that they have been watching the work of Üsküdar University under the leadership of Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan with great admiration, and said, “I want to say something personal about family. I am a member of a family with six children. I am the fourth child. Even though we are older now, if a thorn pricks one of us, the other feels its pain. Looking back at the past with today's standards, although we were in a situation that could be described as lower-middle class economically, we always saw ourselves as prosperous in our childhood. With my current understanding, I think that the environment of peace, trust, and love in the family provides a sufficiently important contribution for a child to feel prosperous. Now I am trying to create the same environment for my own children.”
Gaziosmanpaşa District Governor Numan Hatipoğlu: “A project that will be among the most important works in our country regarding family”
Gaziosmanpaşa District Governor Numan Hatipoğlu thanked all the teams who contributed to the project, especially Üsküdar University. Hatipoğlu wished the project to bring good fortune, stating, “I also want to express my hope that the project will truly be at the forefront of very important works in our country regarding family. I extend my love and respect to the entire project team, stakeholders, and the very valuable families who will benefit from this project.”
Eyüpsultan District Governor İhsan Kara: “We invited 1546 families”
Eyüpsultan District Governor İhsan Kara also thanked those who contributed to the project, especially Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, saying, “I wish for the program to be beneficial, to strengthen family foundations, to have a social impact, and to serve as an example. As the District Governorship, we made announcements for participation, and we personally invited 1546 families. We hope for a high level of participation. We emphasized the characteristic and importance of continuity in education,” he said.
Çiğdem Demirsoy: “Trainings will start on November 24”
Project Coordinator Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy stated in the 'Families at the University' Project Presentation that the project would be carried out for individuals determined by the district governorships in Istanbul's Üsküdar, Pendik, Gaziosmanpaşa, and Eyüpsultan districts. Çiğdem Demirsoy noted that the online training sessions, to be held one day a week within the scope of pandemic measures, would continue for 6 weeks, and a certificate of participation would be given at the end of the trainings.
According to the information provided by Çiğdem Demirsoy, the determined groups and objectives will be as follows:
White Group: To ensure individuals under 18 years of age are educated on emotional maturity and relationship management.
Pink Group: To ensure individuals over 18 years of age and couples preparing for marriage are informed about topics related to “Marriage and Family.”
Orange Group: To provide support to couples and families who are at risk even if they have not yet experienced problems.
Red Group: To rehabilitate and strengthen families with problems requiring professional help.
Project Consultant Dr. Nebiye Yaşar also provided information regarding the planned activities within the scope of the project.