Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University and psychiatrist, participated in the event "Book Analysis and Discussion with Nevzat Tarhan" organized by the "Mothers Are Reading" and "Asım's Generation Reading Groups." During the program, which featured a critique of the book "Women's Psychology," Tarhan emphasized that women and men are equal in terms of rights and opportunities, but that biological equality is contrary to human nature. Stating that the feminist movement has turned male-female relationships into a battle between men and women, Tarhan also underscored that the basis should be male-female complementarity, not male-female competition.
"An operation is being prepared through women"
Beginning his speech by explaining the purpose and process of writing the book "Women's Psychology," Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University and psychiatrist, mentioned that he had written evidence on biological and psychological differences between women and men. Tarhan said, "As far as I understand, the issue of women was seen as a weak area in the Middle East, the Islamic world, and our civilization's geography. And they are preparing a project, an operation against us through women, and I thought about where they could attack us. Orientalists had the most prominent theses. Orientalists said, 'The Islamic world views women as second-class citizens.' And a serious gender neutrality project had begun at that time. There was propaganda saying that there was no need for a distinction between women and men, that humans could be genderless. Because we were professionals, we saw the pioneers of this in the field. Here, I wrote the evidence of what the biological and psychological differences between women and men are. The evidence is in this book. Here, I stated that women and men are equal in rights and opportunities, but that biological equality is contrary to human biological nature and that such a view is indefensible, and I distinguished this. I wrote evidence on biological and psychological differences between women and men. The concepts of the female brain and the male brain were not even discussed at that time. I gathered scientific data and wrote evidence stating that the male brain is the left brain, the masculine brain, and the female brain is the right brain, the feminine brain, and the frontal lobe balances the two. When we talk about female psychology, we are actually talking about male psychology as well. It is called female psychology, but female-male relationships are also there. We addressed violence. Role models in families, the role of the mother, the role of the father, the role of the spouse—I prepared scientific material on how the sharing of all these roles should be, and how living in accordance with one's biological nature would benefit them. This book has been selling steadily ever since. It sells about the same every month."
“There is a significant confusion on this issue in the Islamic world”
Addressing the issue of changing and correcting a misguided practice concerning women, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "I wanted to raise awareness about a negative project being planned regarding women and men. My book has already been translated into Azerbaijani Turkish. I believe it is now also available in Arabic. There are also very serious prejudices there. To dispel these prejudices, we addressed issues like domestic violence and violence against women. Here, there is a very serious confusion in the Islamic world on this matter. There is a teaching from Mesopotamian culture that suggests violence against women is permissible. We mistake this teaching for Islam. So, when we talk about wisdom, when we advise women to stop being sad princesses and become wise, we need to continue the project that was left half-finished in true happiness and change and correct the misguided practice that has been applied to women. We must refer to the original meaning of true happiness. I even know that Hz. Ömer said that while the Prophet was alive, we constantly waited for a verse or hadith that would protect women. In fact, a significant part of the verse in the Surah Nur concerning women and the family is devoted to the relationship between men and women. This means that it is an important enough topic to be a verse in the Quran. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, had Muslim women gathering around his house, saying, "Our husbands beat us, what should we do?" That is when that surah and those verses were revealed as the reason for revelation. It says, "First, speak to them kindly; if that doesn't work, separate your beds; if that doesn't work, separate your rooms." There is never any recommendation to use violence. Separating beds does not mean physical violence in the sense of beating. So, this is a surah about protecting women's rights. Now, men have forgotten this, seeing only the part about us being able to use violence, like the Mesopotamian culture of the Umayyads. We have returned to tradition. We distorted the original. In the life of the Prophet, there was no violence against women, no raising of hands, no raising of voices. Therefore, we needed to express all this according to the truths of our age. I tried to address this in the book. Of course, I am not a theologian; to avoid doing anything wrong, I tried to stay within the limits of my profession and explain it this way."
“Physical strength has given way to mental strength”
Commenting on how mental power superiority has equalized women and men, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Humankind has transitioned from an era where physical strength was superior, not only in Turkey, not only in the Middle East, but all over the world, to an era where knowledge is superior. This is happening for the first time in human history. When physical strength was superior, men were the sole authority figures at home and in the workplace. Women were inevitably pushed into a secondary position. But when the age of knowledge arrived, physical strength gave way to mental strength in terms of knowledge production. When mental power took its place, the power gap between women and men narrowed and eventually became equal. Those who were able to grasp this experienced a test during that period regarding the inclusion of women in social life without harming motherhood. Feminism began as a freedom movement, but later led to the isolation of women. As a self-criticism, she says, "We turned male-female relationships into a battle between men and women; we made a mistake." However, it should not be male-female competition, but male-female complementarity. This is where a woman's comfort lies. She argues that this is a monogamous relationship based on fidelity. In this context, we need to consider feminism in two ways. One is a militant feminism that glorifies these battles between women and men, and the other is a just feminism that defends the women's liberation movement. These two need to be balanced. Therefore, the women's liberation movement, which enables women to exist in society with their own identity within the family, is a very humane, just, and beneficial movement. Men don't read. If they read these books, this book wouldn't be called "Women's and Men's Psychology." It's called "Women's and Men's Psychology" because it discusses both. Men know everything. They don't need to read psychology books like this; most of the time, when they have a problem, they say, "Go away, I don't need it." But after a while, they see that they need it the most, and that's what we see here."
“A person must create their own synthesis.”
Emphasizing that a person should not simply imitate their mother and father's identity but should create their own identity, Tarhan said, "If there are mother-daughter conflicts in the relationship, the daughter will be afraid to be like her mother. If the mother's personality is characterized by high levels of love and discipline, if she is very intrusive, if she is a controlling mother but also loves deeply, then the child will develop both love and anger towards the mother. But after a while, the child starts doing the very things that anger them most about their mother. That's because they are now a separate individual. With adolescence, the young girl or young man will take a little from their mother, a little from their father, a little from their relatives, a little from the whole society, and become themselves. They will make their own synthesis. Therefore, they do not need to model themselves completely on their mother. They need to be themselves. The mother does not need to imitate the father's identity as it is; she needs to make her own decisions and build herself. By taking a little from each, she will form her own identity so that there can be progress, growth, and development. This is how human thought progresses. This is how civilizations progress and develop. Otherwise, we become a society that is status quo and repeats the same thing. After a while, we would be thrown into the dustbin of history. This is why those who have problems regulating their relationship with their mother find themselves in this situation. But if the mother-daughter relationship is healthy, the mother is not the only model of identity in such cases. She also takes from her father and from her environment. As a result, one's identity should be like a bee, taking something from everyone and producing one's own honey. This is not an issue for someone who can do this. This is certainly how identity is constructed in a person's life. The life events, stories, and experiences we had in our childhood are all part of our life history. After a person gets married, they bring with them the life scenarios they have learned and experienced. However, after marriage, the actors in these life scenarios change. Instead of parents, in-laws come in. Brothers-in-law come in. Sisters-in-law, cousins, and so on come in. When this happens, the life scenarios from childhood and youth need to be rewritten."
“When role-sharing is learned, conflicts are minimized”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan mentioned that role sharing plays an important role in family relationships. Tarhan said, "I learned a beautiful saying from the Prophet Muhammad, and I was surprised at the time. He said, 'Adolescence is a branch of insanity. Now, what is written in psychology books about the branch of madness, meaning that such fluctuations, ups and downs, objections, and defiance are quite natural during adolescence. If the adolescent is like a candle, it means there is a problem there. That adolescent obeys and remains silent, but after the mother and father lose control, the opposite happens. That is why if the adolescent questions, argues, and asks why, they will learn about life. When they grow up, it will be easier for them to navigate life. A suppressed teenager may later take on a role that is completely opposite to the family. They may take on a completely opposite identity. Therefore, this situation applies to mother-daughter relationships, father-son relationships, mother-son relationships, and father-daughter relationships. The relationship here should be a team relationship. There is a captain on the team, but each individual has their own instrument. They have their own responsibilities. They have a job description, meaning that in a healthy family, they do not rent out their minds to their mother and father. But in our traditional family structure, we do not see children as separate individuals; we see them as extensions of ourselves, like our arms, legs, or limbs. We want them to be like candles. There needs to be a sharing of roles in family relationships. Without role sharing, there can be no healthy relationships. Even within the home, for example, the role in the dining room, the role when guests come, and the roles in the bedroom are not always the same. Each role is different. That's why here they learn to behave appropriately for each role. This is not genetic; it must be learned. When it is learned, conflict is minimized."
“Love is a quest for meaning”
Referring to love as looking in the same direction together rather than looking into each other's eyes, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, "Humans are relational beings, and the area where they communicate with the universe is the frontal lobe. Therefore, since there is a captain's bridge in both the male and female brain, conflict arises when they mature. How do the male and female brains work under stress? The male brain retreats into a mental refuge, is result-oriented, produces solutions, and exits. The female brain is process-oriented, relaxes by sharing, and talks. When both the man and the woman are under stress, conflict arises. For example, you're driving a car, the man is at the wheel, he can't find the way, he gets annoyed and tense. The woman tries to help, saying, "Look, a truck is coming, be careful," and the man gets angry, saying, "What are you nagging about? I'm already nervous enough." What happens this time is that her good intentions are misunderstood. Knowing this is not actually understanding women; it is understanding men and women and their relationship. When we say masculine, we mean looking at things from a masculine perspective, and when we say feminine, we mean looking at things from a feminine perspective. The frontal lobe means maintaining balance. Education is essential to achieve this. Both sides will take beautiful steps towards marriage. That relationship defines each other. The term "spouse" comes from the West. In our culture, we say "refik-refika." Women and men become each other's companions. Women don't look into a man's eyes and search for happiness in a fantasy world; they have specific goals. They act together. Love is not looking into each other's eyes. It is looking in a certain direction. It is a search for meaning. When this happens, you get quality marriages. Right now, how many of our men are out there saying, "Madam, you are so beautifully dressed," but they don't say it to their wives. They don't ask their wives how they are, and their wives feel worthless. Making someone feel understood puts them at ease. You may not be able to solve the problem, but you can show your intention and effort. If you say, "I'll live as I please and remain free," you cannot do it. There is no maturity in marriage. Maturity is important in these relationships. This maturity is not being taught at the moment. I wrote these books; there is a twenty-question test scale before marriage, a marriage maturity scale. Municipalities should give it to every family. They should be told to apply it. Couples start marriage with a zero head start," he said.