Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that infidelity is the cause in a large portion of divorces, pointed out that men tend to be genetically polygamous and women tend to be monogamous. “This makes men more prone to committing infidelity, but it doesn't justify it.” Tarhan stated that because women have stronger monogamous tendencies, they have a biological basis for sustaining marriage.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that one of the most fundamental obligations in marriage is the ‘duty of loyalty’, defining infidelity as ‘non-compliance with the duty of loyalty’.
“If a person says, ‘I’ll get married and live as I please,’ then there is no duty of loyalty. That person also lacks marital maturity. We advise such people not to marry, because they cannot sustain a marriage,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, adding that children raised by such individuals would also not be healthy.
90% of divorce causes in the USA are infidelity…
Prof. Dr. Tarhan continued:
“Usually, the biggest reason for stormy marriages is infidelity… Infidelity is currently the nightmare of modernism. There is a significant global increase. This has reduced the desire to marry. It has led to extramarital affairs. It has given rise to cohabitation without marriage. 90% of divorce causes in the USA are officially listed as infidelity. In Turkey, this figure is not even 10%. Because it doesn’t reflect the truth. Things like severe incompatibility and psychological discord are cited. Because it is a situation our society does not accept… In this way, they quickly conclude divorces through mutual agreement.”
Men are genetically polygamous
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that some people are not prone to infidelity, and emphasized that men tend to be genetically polygamous and women tend to be monogamous.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted the following:
“Polygamous, meaning being with many people… Because a man produces billions of sperm throughout his life. But a woman has 400 eggs. Biologically, for the continuation of the human species, being polygamous is a naturally existing biological mechanism. This makes men more prone to infidelity, but it doesn't justify it. Men have a greater risk in this regard, concerning the practice of loyalty. Women, having stronger monogamous tendencies in such situations, also have a biological basis for sustaining marriage.”
Loyalty is also essential for human happiness
“The ideal for human happiness is to be able to establish a lifelong relationship based on loyalty with one person,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, also mentioning that a lady who said, ‘I am a feminist warrior,’ answered the question, ‘Where is a woman’s comfort?’ with ‘A lifelong relationship based on loyalty to one man.’
“Mating is separate, marriage is separate. Mating is biological, marriage is cultural,” stated Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, underlining that because marriage is cultural, biological influences (i.e., hormones) account for one-third of it, while the rest is social learning and cultural. Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that the object of the tendency to love also changes according to culture, some loving nature, some money, some power, some the opposite sex, and some the creator, adding, “The feeling of love is fundamentally present in both parties, but if couples can direct this feeling of love towards each other, then they can succeed.”
Risky behaviors can be managed
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that if a person has marital maturity, they can manage their risky behavior, saying, “For example, they do not commit infidelity to their spouse, but they take risks in business life, or in social life. A person can do this while maintaining their marital ties. Therefore, in such situations, which area this risky behavior will shift to depends on the person’s free will. Society, culture, and family teach them this.”
Emphasizing the importance of secure attachment, Prof. Dr. Tarhan also explained that being able to manage attachment in marriage is equivalent to being able to manage the marriage itself.
“If one engages with pornography, this is virtual infidelity”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also touched upon the types of infidelity, stating:
“There are four or five types of infidelity. There is emotional infidelity, sexual infidelity, and both emotional and sexual infidelity. Additionally, a new type has emerged: internet infidelity, or virtual infidelity. What happens in virtual infidelity, for example? One engages with pornography. If one is involved with pornography, this is virtual infidelity.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that people who marry are initially strongly attached to each other, but then the woman dedicates herself to the child and the man to work, weakening the bond between them and creating emotional distance, and noted the following:
“They come and go, in the same house, but emotional distance opens up. For example, when this distance opens, a cooling-off occurs. If the person does not close that distance when a cooling-off happens, they, especially women, start to feel emotionally alone. They begin to question their spouse's loyalty. If the woman or man is a jealous type, they start checking phones. They check everything, inviting the very thing they fear, even when nothing is happening. If they constantly live with this fear, they invite the thing they fear, which we call a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Male and female brains work differently
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the male and female brains work differently in infidelity, saying that sexuality and eroticism are more prominent in the male world, while romance is more prominent in the female world.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that in one-night stands, men forget and show no interest, while women expect a phone call the next day, and added, “Generally, ‘hunter’ men give romance and want eroticism. For example, ‘hunter’ women give eroticism and want romance. This provides balance, but this is actually what connects men and women.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that individuals should be able to say, ‘I did everything I could to continue the marriage before deciding to divorce,’ adding, “The institution of marriage, individuals are not sacred, but family life is sacred. It is the area where one feels safe.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that concepts related to marriage have changed, and modernism has altered the importance and priorities regarding marriage, adding that a pleasure-oriented life philosophy has emerged, and some people continue their marriages for the peace that home provides, even without pleasures.
Pleasure is temporary, peace is long-term…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the feeling of pleasure is temporary, while peace is long-term, saying, “Orgasm, which is the peak feeling of pleasure, lasts a maximum of 8 minutes. So, it is temporary. Pleasures are always temporary, peace and well-being are permanent, long-term.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that there are two decisions related to marriage: one is to marry, and the other is to divorce, and said, “There is no divorce from parents because divorce happens between husband and wife. Motherhood and fatherhood continue for the children. Therefore, for the good of the children, parents need to be able to come together. In other words, divorces where parents can come together for the good of the children are healthier divorces.”