Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, spoke at the event titled 'The Power of Family in Disaster and Crisis Situations' organized by Kocaeli Mufti's Office. In his speech, Tarhan emphasized the 'common goal' in the family, stating that although family members may have different temperaments, they should navigate like a ship heading towards the same goal through effective communication. Tarhan said; 'If we liken the family to a ship, the passengers on this ship, i.e., family members, prioritize the well-being of the family ship. Only then comes the well-being of parents and children. If this exists in the family, people with different temperaments can come together for the good of the family in line with a common goal. Even if the husband and wife have different temperaments, if they can talk, find solutions to problems, and include their children, this ship will sail smoothly.'
'The family is the area where one feels safe'
Tarhan, addressing the importance of the support of close circles, especially the family, during crisis situations in an Instagram live broadcast, underlined that a significant increase in suicide rates has been observed in the West with the disappearance of the family. Tarhan said; 'The psychiatric equivalent of crisis and disaster situations are traumatic, shock experiences. It is described as a person encountering a difficult, negative event outside the usual. In such a situation, the first feeling that arises in a person is fear and dread; they feel alone. The person first seeks an area where they can safely bond. The family is the area where a person feels safe. The value of family is very well understood in such times. A person's close relationships and experiences are very important in such situations; these are periods when they are very useful. Even if one does nothing else, having someone to hold their hand, guide them, and support them when they need it creates a feeling like grasping a plank while drowning at sea. They feel as if they have lost control and found something to hold onto. That close relationship is like a strong rope for that person. Thus, it provides security, comfort, and helps to overcome the crisis easily. The family is much more beneficial in crisis situations. If there is no close support in a crisis, many suicides occur; there are examples of this in the West. There is an economic crisis, for example, in our culture, there is an invisible insurance system; 'Family insurance.' That is, when there is a crisis, an uncle, aunt (paternal or maternal), or an aunt (paternal or maternal) all lend a hand, ensuring their relatives get out of that crisis in some way. Even if not a nuclear family, the extended family provides support, help, loans, and the person recovers. But because there is no family in the West, suicide cases are very frequent in crisis situations. There are also many suicide cases in crises at old age, and the most important thing to prevent this is a strong family. Therefore, as family ties weaken, global suicide rates are increasing, and I predict they will increase further.'
'The family being a safe space is related to secure attachment'
Tarhan, stating that the family environment is considered unnecessary in the modern age, spoke about the possible harms of this view. Tarhan said; 'The current trend in the world, especially popular culture, questions the necessity of family. It views the family as a hindrance, and there is a trend towards young people not getting married. What happens as a result of this? People feel lonely, anxious about the future, and therefore, the increase in suicide cases is very much expected. After a while, they will say that family was very important to us, but by the time they realize this, they may have lost many people. The family being a safe space is related to what we call secure attachment. A person feels safe with the object to which they are attached. There are three types of communication: healthy communication, conflicted communication, and lack of communication. The worst of these is lack of communication. Even conflicted communication, though negative and even if voices are raised at home, still indicates an effort to fix things, meaning something is being tried, however clumsily. But if there is no communication, that relationship is playing on borrowed time. Therefore, having an effort to communicate is better than no communication. Humans are not created to live alone in this world; they are relational beings. In close relationships, in intra-family relationships, it is a complementary relationship, not a competitive one. One sees the other's shortcomings and tries to complement them, not trying to dominate, defeat, or undermine them. If it's like that in close relationships, there will be no peace. In close relationships, a complementary relationship is established, not a competitive one.'
'Family members are like passengers on a ship moving towards a common goal'
Tarhan, emphasizing a 'common goal' in the family, stated that although family members may have different temperaments, they should be like passengers on a ship heading towards the same goal. Tarhan said; 'If we liken the family to traveling on a ship, the passengers prioritize the well-being of the family ship. Only then comes the well-being of parents and children. If this exists in the family, people with different temperaments can come together for the good of the family for a common goal. Even if the husband and wife have different temperaments, if they can talk, find solutions to problems, and include their children, this ship will sail smoothly. That is why we recommend family sessions. However, in these sessions, there will be a relationship of equals. In families with authoritarian relationships, fear dominates. Where fear dominates, feelings such as self-development, self-confidence, entrepreneurship, curiosity, and discoverability in people are dulled. For example, weak people want strong leaders so that they can be comfortable. But the time we live in is not a time for individuals; an individual, however brilliant, can make mistakes. Ideal success in this era is team success; even companies say this. Instead of dispersing as we multiply; we need to integrate as we multiply and diversify. The solution to this is communication; for this, common goals are needed. In family communication and company communication, people with different temperaments need to be moved similarly for the same purpose. Therefore, there is no uniformity or totalitarianism within the family, and certainly not in a company or society. Approaches like 'you will be in my mindset, otherwise you are my enemy,' all of these are not the truths of this age.'
'Traumas like earthquakes are an opportunity to strengthen family and social ties'
Tarhan stated that the human need for attachment after disasters and calamities can be met by the family, and he touched upon the two aspects of calamities: threat and opportunity. Tarhan said; 'After disasters like earthquakes and the traumas experienced, the need for attachment increases. In fact, this is how it is in family communication. Every trauma, every disaster has a threat aspect and an opportunity aspect. The threat aspect is fear, a feeling of dread. We all experienced these feelings after the earthquake. The opportunity aspect, however, is an opportunity to strengthen family ties, social ties, and to increase feelings of compassion and mutual aid. In other words, crises and disasters are actually an opportunity to develop our human values. In psychology, we call this 'Post-Traumatic Growth.' If a person confronts trauma correctly, they become even wiser after trauma. According to the results of the post-traumatic growth scale after people experience a disaster; some outcomes emerge, such as understanding the value of what they possess and recognizing the value of their loved ones. After this, one says, 'I will be more helpful to people, I have understood the importance of spiritual values,' meaning that all these showed an increase of 40-50% in people. This can be called the opportunity, the gain dimension of trauma.'
'Being able to express good things with good methods in the family is the greatest richness'
Tarhan offered striking advice for a peaceful family environment, emphasizing the importance of establishing open, transparent, and honest relationships. Tarhan said; 'The biggest enemy of marriage is stubbornness. Let them establish open, transparent, and honest relationships with their children at home. Let them build a relationship where lies do not pay off. If you fill a room with all evils, a lie opens its door. If you fill a room with all good deeds, honesty opens its door. Therefore, when we raise our children on honesty, keeping their word, and not lying, even if the child makes a mistake, they cannot resist the feeling of guilt within them and try to correct their mistake after a while. Trust is established at home; the home becomes a safe space. For this, if there is love and honesty, trust is established. Love alone does not create trust. If love is honest, it creates a fair environment. As a result, trust is formed, and it is important for the mother and father to be good role models for the home to be a safe place. Raising a good child is no less important than building a factory. Therefore, roles such as motherhood, fatherhood, and spouse should not be confused with each other. Let them express each role separately. Having an environment where these things can be freely discussed within the family, having intra-family communication, and being able to express good things with good methods is the greatest richness. How wonderful if we were able to do something to strengthen family ties after the earthquake.'