Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan met with members at the first lecture of the Youth and Family Academy organized by Genç Memur-Sen. Making striking remarks under the title “The Family: The Last Refuge,” Tarhan stated that with the deterioration of the norms protecting society, the family has become an open target. Underlining the destructive effect of social media on the family, Tarhan said that the family is ceasing to be a safe space, and the individual is directly targeted.
The online program was moderated by Expert Psychologist Büşra Ekinci Kaya.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan delivered a speech titled “The Family: The Last Refuge” as the first lecture of the academy, a program also attended by Genç Memur-Sen Chairman Mesut Emre Balcı and Memur-Sen Chairman Ali Yalçın.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “There is a global fire in the family”
Stating that modernism targets the institution of family, Tarhan said; “There is a global fire in the family. Currently, modernism has sacrificed the family. There is a Hollywood-centric global attack. War has been declared on the family. This is not a spontaneous situation. I first noticed this in 2003 when a woman led a prayer in New York. It was right after 9/11. After 9/11, there had not yet been any intervention regarding Afghanistan. This is not a normal event. An attack is being planned here through the gender of women. I felt the need to write the book 'Women's Psychology,' saying that there is such a plan especially for our civilization's geography. In the book, I addressed the biological and psychological differences between women and men. I examined the concept of family and its social roles. In other words, a genderlessness project is currently underway. Women and men are equal in rights and opportunities, but not biologically equal. I felt compelled to do such a study by presenting evidence for this and using brain information. Because I am an academician. I need to make my determinations in my field of expertise and proceed accordingly. During the same period, I also felt the need to work on a book titled 'Psychology of Happy Marriage.' Because a social decay is targeted in society. A social collapse and social intervention are targeted. The social structure chosen as the target is the family. Reducing interest in family and marriage. This is a global project.” he began.
Household fragility is increasing!
Tarhan, touching upon the rising rates of out-of-wedlock births, said; “Even if late, 2025 has been declared the year of the family. To solve the issue of family, social projects that touch people must be carried out. Investments must be made in social areas to raise awareness among people on this matter. Investing in land and property is important, but what is more important right now is investing in people. Despite everything, our family structure, even if shaken, is in a much better state than many countries in the world. For example, the out-of-wedlock birth rate in Turkey is 2.9 percent. In Iceland, it is 69 percent, in Sweden and Norway, 56 percent. In Germany, it is around 40 percent, in France, 59 percent. This means single-person households have increased, and five-person households have decreased. Household fragility is increasing. If measures are not taken now, Turkey will be like Sweden and Norway in 20 years. Statistics are also rising in Turkey. The knife is now at the bone. Because sociological changes and improvements are slow. One should not expect immediate results. Therefore, not short-term but medium to long-term policies are needed.” he stated.
“If these norms are corrupted, humanity will also be corrupted”
Tarhan, addressing the norms that protect society, said; “Why is the family the last refuge? I felt the need to work on a book on this topic. There is a chain of rules that protects a society. One is legal norms. These are determined by laws. If you don't comply with the law, if you run a red light in traffic, you get a penalty. The second norms that protect society are social norms. Legal norms are determined by laws. Social norms are determined by tradition and culture. Cultural standards are determined by ethical standards. Like not being able to go out in pajamas. You respect people's rights and boundaries. Currently, traditions, customs, social standards, and cultural standards are changing. Because there is serious propaganda from the entertainment industry. Like, 'Why bother with marriage? Live your life. Family is a burden.' We are facing serious propaganda against gender, and our victims are mostly young people. The third norm that protects society is conscientious norms. Moral norms. A person's conscience determines moral norms. If this is damaged, humanity is already over. If these norms are corrupted, humanity will also be corrupted. So, the inner castle was the family. The outer castle was society. The outer castle was destroyed. The social norms protecting the family were destroyed. Laws are not working. That's why the family is the last refuge…” he stated.
The individual is now directly targeted…
Emphasizing the importance of resisting the destructive effects of social media, Tarhan said; “Currently, with the influence of social media, young people are moving from the safe space of home to the most insecure space. The family is beginning to cease being a safe space, and the individual is now directly targeted. Therefore, we will resist this directly. Everyone will take the seriousness of this issue. If people act by asking, 'What do I need to fix in my area? What duty falls to me? What responsibility falls to me?' and if society gradually enlightens, steps will be taken to reverse the global trend. This will be the greatest help and kindness they can do for their own future and the future of their children.” he said.
“Marriage is two people embarking on a life journey together”
Tarhan, drawing attention to the importance of problem-solving in marriage, said; “Marriage is two people embarking on a life journey together. That is, marriage is not two people looking into each other's eyes, but two people looking towards a common goal. In the type of marriage that modernism teaches us, male-female relationships are turned into competition. Ego wars, power struggles, and personality clashes emerge. The current capitalist system glorifies competition. This competition provides mobility in the economy. It increases production by stimulating consumption. The earn-and-consume cycle continues. There is a ruthless capitalist system that makes people shop even when they don't need to. The equivalent of this system in the family turns into male-female competition. Power struggles at home are like this: if two people in the same boat fight with each other, the boat capsizes. However, smart people say, 'What should I do for the good of the boat?' and solve the problem that way. In economics, there is the Pareto principle. 80 percent of the problems in a company are repetitions of 20 percent. If you solve 23 percent, 80 percent are also solved. Most problems within the family are solvable problems. Because these individuals fail to solve problems, small suspicions grow, and marital breakdowns and divorces occur. Problem-solving needs to be taught from an early age.” he said.
“Love is the energy that turns the universe”
Tarhan, stating that lifelong happiness emerges with love and good cooperation, said; “Love is the energy that turns the universe. Love is currently the most important energy that sustains the universe and makes humans human. Reason is the complement of love, but what makes a person human is that feeling of love and affection. Here, the Holy Quran mentions two concepts regarding marriage. One is the concept of 'Mawaddah.' I looked etiologically, and in its lexical meaning, love is a high form of love, but it contains attachment. You will be attached to what you love. In fact, the bonding of hydrogen and oxygen was called 'Aşk-ı Kimyevi' (Chemical Love) in old literature. Marriage is also H2O. Both are free in the atmosphere. They roam freely. When they marry, they enter another life form. They become water. They are not as free as before, but they transform into a separate source of life. That creates a unique beauty. In marriage too, young people lose their former freedoms. Marriage occurs in a separate life form. That also carries a unique beauty within itself. Therefore, love is the first step. If there is love and good cooperation, that love gradually strengthens and turns into lifelong love. Another concept related to marriage in the Holy Quran is 'Wadud.' It says, 'that you may find tranquility in each other.' The word 'Sakinah' in Arabic means ship. It comes from the same root, meaning you take refuge in a ship during a storm. The ship is a safe area. It says it is a refuge on the journey of life. The Holy Quran calls marriage a safe space, a place where you will find tranquility. A quality marriage that eliminates loneliness means lifelong happiness for a person. It is a great blessing. People who are peaceful in their homes overcome many problems in life easily.” he expressed.
“Modernism committed the greatest cruelty to humanity by destroying marriage”
Tarhan, touching upon the importance of being a good example to young people, said; “Modernism committed the greatest cruelty to humanity by destroying marriage. Your children and grandchildren will see this even more. We can protect our country from evil like a beautiful island. We can protect our civilization's geography in this regard. Our cultural infrastructure for this is much better and much more ready. If we succeed in not corrupting this, we can create a society that solves problems and sets an example for the world. I am not hopeless. Young people are also criticized as Generation Z. In fact, intergenerational conflict has always existed. For example, it is present in Egyptian papyri. It is present in Hittite tablets. These are expected and accepted to a certain extent. They can be tolerated to a certain extent, but one must accept them. Young people will question. We will give them answers by valuing them. We will try to guide them in understanding life. We will be their companions. We will be good examples.” he said.
“People understand the value of the extended family in times of crisis”
Tarhan, evaluating whether the extended family is a threat or an opportunity, said; “People understand how valuable the extended family is in times of crisis. Grandmothers and grandfathers make so many sacrifices. They look after the children and grandchildren of working mothers. Grandmothers, grandfathers, and grandparents, in particular, need to talk and tell stories. Grandchildren also need to ask questions and learn. When the two come together, an amazing synergy is formed. If grandparent-grandchild relationships are not healthy, the rising generations cannot carry out cultural transmission. Previously, the family carried out cultural transmission. Now, social media does. In this situation, intergenerational problems are experienced more often. The extended family, if thought of positively, is wise. If there are truly wise elders, solving problems becomes much easier.” he said.
“Individuals with resilience training succeed in marriage”
Tarhan, explaining the 5S rule in marriage, said; “There is a 5S formula for happy marriages. The first S is love (sevgi). A slightly greater form of love is compassion (şefkat). That is, love with empathy. The second is respect (saygı). If love is water, respect is its container. There is also a greater form of respect. That is courtesy (nezaket). The third is patience (sabır). Individuals with resilience training succeed in marriage. Resilient people manage crises better. The formula for this is patience. Patience is not passively waiting; it is active patience. That is, patience is a meditative act. It is adapting to the speed and rhythm of nature. The fourth is loyalty (sadakat). Loyalty has two meanings. One is 'sıdk,' meaning truthfulness. The other is being loyal, meaning commitment. Not lying in marriage is very important. There must be an open, transparent, and honest relationship. If one of the parties in a marriage lies a lot, that marriage does not easily last. The fifth is sincerity (samimiyet). Sincerity adds tremendous color to marriage. In other words, it makes marriage heaven. Sincere intimacy is a valuable concept.” he said.
“Learn from the past, look to the future, live in the present”
Tarhan, emphasizing that traumas can turn into experience, said; “One of the reasons young people shy away from marriage is the lack of peace in their homes. These marriages scare young people away from getting married. At that moment, young people act out of fear, but if they correctly analyze their parents' marriages, it becomes an experience for them. We call these developmental traumas. They shouldn't 'buy' into traumas. They should think, 'What kind of marriage do I need to have to avoid such a marriage? What meaning should I assign to marriage?' Finding this is a life experience. It is an opportunity for them to mature. We call this post-traumatic growth. They experience traumas. If they manage trauma well, they develop after trauma. They grow after trauma. It should be approached this way. If you cannot change the flow in an event, you will change your perspective. If you change your perspective, you gain control. Otherwise, your past experiences will control you. You will learn from the experiences of past lives, live today, and look to the future. Learn from the past, look to the future, live today.” he concluded.
Within the scope of the program, Genç Memur-Sen Chairman Mesut Emre Balcı and Memur-Sen Chairman Ali Yalçın also delivered speeches.
Mesut Emre Balcı: “Sustaining the family is everything for us”
Genç Memur-Sen Chairman Mesut Emre Balcı highlighted the great importance of sustaining the family for them. Balcı said; “The family is a very important topic, especially for young people. We find it very important that the issue of family is discussed and debated through young people. The family is the most fundamental building block of our civilization, our values, our society, and our culture. Therefore, sustaining the family is everything for us. We chose the name 'Youth and Family Academy' to attract the attention of young people. Our aim is to talk more about the family issue with our young friends.” he stated.
Ali Yalçın: “I congratulate our Genç Memur-Sen organization”
Speaking at the opening of the program, Memur-Sen Chairman Ali Yalçın said; “I congratulate our Genç Memur-Sen organization. They are indeed carrying out excellent work, and their beneficial efforts make us proud. We are at the beginning of this work they have done concerning the Family Academy. In this sense, we are proud of Genç Memur-Sen. Because Genç Memur-Sen truly exhibits exemplary behavior with its sensitivity to our societal issues, its meticulousness in national issues, its attention to humanitarian concerns, and its proactive actions. They always make us say, 'It's a good thing Genç Memur-Sen exists.'” he concluded.