Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, made striking evaluations regarding “Youth, Family, and Education” during the “Family with Yasemin Turan” program broadcast on AKİT TV. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, likening the family to the building block of a structure, stated that society does not form where families do not exist. Tarhan said; “The family is the environment where the foundation of personality development is formed, the most valuable part of the social fabric. Yes, there is a crisis in the family today, but there is also a solution…”
“Family is the environment where the foundation of personality development is formed”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, who likened the family to the building block of a structure, stating that there is a crisis in the family but also a solution, noted that society does not form where families do not exist during the live broadcast he participated in. Tarhan; “The family is a fundamental institution both for the individual and for society. It is the building blocks that keep a structure standing. The building blocks of society are also the family. We define a person's childhood as their homeland. The homeland of a person's personality is childhood. This situation develops in the family environment. Where there is no family, childhood does not develop healthily. The family is the environment where the foundation of personality development is formed. From the perspective of the individual and society, it is the building blocks that constitute society. Where there is no family, society cannot form, and humans cannot be social beings. The family is the most valuable part of the social fabric. A child’s first teacher is their mother. After that comes the father, then the school.” he stated.
“Saying geography is destiny is an invitation to laziness…”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, speaking about how saying geography is destiny invites laziness, said; “Fatalism is understood as laziness. However, the environment and the place of birth have a role in one's destiny. Someone born in Afghanistan, Turkey, or America is not born under the same conditions, but a person can change these conditions if they wish. Thoughts like ‘My birthplace is my destiny, I should remain as I am’ create a completely wrong paradigm. A person can change it if they want to, but if they surrender, they cannot. If they object, they change it; if they question, they change it, and this has been the case in many discoveries. True destiny is the destiny that emerges after a person makes a choice with their free will. If you accept it, that is also a choice, but if it happens this way, it leads to intellectual laziness. People don't want to question; because they never question, they make people accept by saying, ‘You were born in this geography, it's destiny.’ However, humans are beings with future projections. They have rights and responsibilities to change today for the future and concerning today. Therefore, saying geography is destiny is an invitation to laziness,” he said.
“Children take life events as examples…”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to the fact that events experienced in childhood remain as a core in the soul, said; “Can there be a male model who doesn't sit and talk with his child, who doesn't hold him in his lap? In such a male model, the child tries to grow up more under the mother's influence. The mother raises the child as both mother and father. Between the ages of 0-3, the mother is primarily responsible. In such situations, the father is not an ineffective element. The child also has much to learn from the father. If you spent half an hour raising a child 50 years ago, now you will spend an hour. Children take examples from experiences, not conferences or sermons. They take life events as examples. That is, the events they witness are written as life scripts in their subconscious. For instance, life scripts are written in childhood. If there is rigidity of thought, the child cannot rewrite their life script. Because the actors have changed. For this reason, experiences learned in childhood are planted as a core in our lives, in our souls. Later, we adapt them according to the circumstances,” he stated.
“It is necessary to teach the truths we hold with scientific methodology”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, emphasizing that education experienced in real life is more beneficial than education conveyed through words, said; “Education is important, but being an example is the real solution. The most beautiful education for a child is through silent example, not through words. Learning through experience and doing, rather than solely from books, is ideal learning. When scientific methodology teaches people to be forgiving of the truths we hold, to have feelings of gratitude and thankfulness, people accept them without prejudice. If you do not teach scientific methodology, people cannot understand it because you are not using the method of this era. When teaching children knowledge within the official curriculum, it is absolutely necessary to teach the truths we hold with scientific methodology,” he stated.
“To leave a future for future generations, it is necessary to raise good people”
Tarhan, also drawing attention to the use of technology today, stated that children can use technology correctly with parental supervision. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that children's last refuge is the family, and added; “We said the last refuge is the family, but now the family also has an open door. That open door is the smartphone. In the safe environment of the home, the child often enters unsafe places. If there is no parental supervision, and you haven't taught the child digital literacy, that child will become a slave to the digital world. In the future, they will be a child who defies their parents. Therefore, you must devote time to the child here. Is raising a good child less important than building a good building or apartment? No, it is not. If we want to leave a future for future generations, we need to raise good people. Raising a good person is more important than building a good road, factory, or infrastructure,” he said.
“What is truly important is for the home to be a warm and pleasant environment”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan provided information about the transition process to adolescence in children; “The child enters an opposing identity. For this reason, some generational conflict is actually necessary in children. Adolescence is a period when children question things. They start questioning after the age of 10. It is a period of objection, protest, and gang age. After that, they look at fake pleasures outside, at fake beauties. They look at those fake lives on television and yearn for them. If parents can discuss this with reasons, explaining the pros and cons, even if the child tries once or twice, they will later think that their parents were right. What is truly important is for the home to be a warm, pleasant, and safe environment,” he stated.
“Mother and father are responsible for the child's education”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, emphasizing that families should share responsibility in a child's development, said; “If a father wants his child to be raised well, in such situations, he will not remain solely in the role of a spouse. He will not remain solely in the role of a businessman. He needs to show his role as a spouse and a father at home. Between the ages of 0-3, nothing replaces the mother's role for the child, or our culture fills that gap somehow with grandmothers (maternal and paternal) who act as mothers. After the age of 0-3, children already go to nurseries for at least half a day, or a full day after age 3. They start to socialize. It's good that they do, otherwise, they become 'television children'. When they go there, learning with friends begins. Both the mother and the father are responsible for the child's education,” he stated.
“Marriage is not a competitive relationship, but a complementary one”
Tarhan, emphasizing that the biggest problem in marriages lately is ego battles, said; “In marriage, there is a middle ground. One will take a step, the other will take a step, and they will find their own solutions in the middle. Therefore, there is no such thing as one educating the other. Currently, the most common battles we experience in marriage are ego battles. There are power struggles like 'what I say, what you say,' 'my money, your money,' 'my mother, your mother.' However, marriage is not a competitive relationship. Marriage is a complementary relationship. In other words, they will proceed by completing each other's deficiencies. If one side is always self-sacrificing, the other side starts to see it as a right. However, both sides need to be in a fair balance. That's why we always think justice is found in courtrooms. Justice is at home. Love and justice are needed for healthy communication within the family,” he stated.
“Love, value, share”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that 'I' language should be used instead of 'you' language when talking to children, said; “Parents keep the child's morale high. We have a motto here; ‘Love, value, share’ – let the mother apply this. Let her love, value, and share. When she does this, the child feels valued. At the same time, they make an effort to see and correct their mistakes. For example, a child whose personality is praised becomes narcissistic. Whereas a child whose behavior and efforts are praised reinforces that behavior. Also, if you criticize their personality when criticizing, the child's self-confidence drops. It is necessary to use 'I' language instead of 'you' language with children,” he stated.
“Someone who is not open to criticism cannot develop themselves”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, emphasizing that the best learning environment for the human brain is one that is enjoyable and disciplined, also made evaluations about cultural changes and aesthetics. Tarhan; “The best learning method for the human brain is an enjoyable and disciplined environment. If there is no enjoyment, one cannot learn solely through discipline. Therefore, learning by experiencing is learning by playing. That is, it forms the essence of current brain-based learning. For example, the right brain is associated with emotions, excitements, music, art, and aesthetics. The left brain is associated with logic, reasoning, analysis, and speech. The frontal brain ensures the balance between the two. As a person matures, the frontal brain develops. An ideal person develops themselves by benefiting from the experience of intelligent people. An average person learns by trial and error, but life is not long enough for that. For a person to have intellectual abilities, they must be open to criticism and questioning. When someone criticizes, they must try to understand what the truth is and why they are criticizing. Someone who is not open to criticism cannot develop themselves,” he said.
“Turkey is currently experiencing an identity crisis”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to Turkey becoming an intermediate culture, stated that Turkey can modernize by preserving its own culture. Tarhan; “We are currently experiencing some cultural change; we have become an intermediate culture. In these intermediate cultures, there are many examples. That is, there are many types of 'people of my homeland.' The biggest reason for the formation of 'people of my homeland' is our transition from one culture of oppression to another. We are in a transition period. Turkey is currently experiencing an identity crisis. There are those who marginally defend past culture. There are those who marginally defend modernism. There is a large mainstream in the middle. This mainstream keeps wavering. It can achieve its modernization by preserving its own culture,” he stated.