Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that today's "more-is-more" success culture puts people under chronic stress, and the price of this is paid with mental health. He said, “Modernism, which preaches toxic success, says, 'you must be perfect, you must always be applauded.' This caused chronic stress. Currently, in New York, and also in Istanbul, antidepressants have become measurable in the sewers.” Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that if the philosophy of life does not change, antidepressant sales will be even higher in the 2030s.
Stating that the secret to not collapsing in the face of failures and difficulties is "psychological resilience," Prof. Dr. Tarhan proposed the definition of "psikolojik elastikiyet" (psychological elasticity) for this concept.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the issue of success and failure in the "Nevzat Tarhan ile Akla Ziyan" program broadcast on EKOTÜRK screens.
There are three main approaches in success theories
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that three main approaches stand out in success theories, said, “The first is based on the idea, 'I have a goal, I reached it, I am successful.' This approach is particularly evaluated within the framework of perfectionism, reward-orientation, and competitive environments in Western philosophy. The second is the meaning-oriented understanding of success. Here, a person has a life philosophy focused on meaning, not pleasure. They set a long-term goal, and the effort shown in the process of reaching this goal is defined as success. The third is the transcendental understanding of success. In this approach, success is not limited to a person achieving their own goals or investing in their future; their contribution to society, their ability to transcend themselves, and their creation of value are also considered within the scope of success. When these three approaches are considered together, the concept of multidimensional success emerges.”
The understanding of success has also changed with the influence of social media
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that today, especially with the influence of social media, the competitive structure of the classical understanding of success has evolved in a different direction. He said, “Criteria such as physical appearance, material wealth, a high number of followers, or receiving many likes are presented as 'success.' This situation is referred to by some researchers as toxic success culture or success pornography. A tendency to pursue external validation, almost like a 'lust for success,' has become widespread. However, it is observed that this type of approach does not satisfy individuals in the long run.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that this culture exploits the biological weaknesses of the human brain and creates a dopamine-focused, pleasure-based understanding of success, drawing attention to the dangers of dependence on external validation and the collapse that occurs when applause stops.
Some personal development techniques are very harmful
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that true success comes from confronting oneself. He said, “There are some personal development techniques that are very harmful. 'You are unmatched. You are the best! There is success, there is no failure, there are results.' They inflate the ego like this. Then they go to work and don't like anyone. They go to their spouse and criticize their spouse. Phrases like 'They couldn't appreciate my worth,' 'Do you know who I am?' are common. In this era, people's biggest organs have become their egos.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan emphasized that approval and appreciation have an encouraging role, as stated in the saying "marifet iltifata tabidir" (skill is subject to praise), but this should not be turned into a tool for ego gratification. Defining a healthy understanding of success as a journey, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Success is not a result, but a process. Success is being on the way. A person who is on the way is not reaching the goal, but being on the way. If someone thinks this way, while climbing stairs today, they will say, 'Today I succeeded with one step, but there are many steps ahead of me!'”
Finally, Prof. Dr. Tarhan touched upon the importance of activating the "internal reward" mechanism, where a person monitors their own development instead of being dependent on external rewards, stating that self-compassion-focused approaches like "I can say I achieved these things compared to a week ago" will bring more lasting happiness and success.
Success is not a result, but a journey requiring continuity
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan criticized today's comparison-based understanding of success, stating that true success is moving with internal motivation, like a "steamship" that does not need external applause or wind.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that success is not a result, but a journey requiring continuity, and drew attention to the dangers of motivation dependent on external approval. Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “There are two types of ships: a sailboat and a steamship. A steamship does not need wind. A person should be like a steamship. If you were a sailboat, you would always be dependent on external causes, fed by wind and applause. If you find motivation from within, nothing can stop you.”
Being able to establish deep relationships is also success
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that in this era dominated by superficial relationships, one of the most important definitions of success is the ability to establish meaningful and deep connections. Stating that such relationships alleviate the feeling of loneliness and that this is a success in itself, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Being able to establish deep relationships is also success. Currently, in this era, there are superficial relationships; people cannot establish deep relationships. That deep relationship eliminates the feeling of loneliness in a person. We see that behind many problems and wrong behaviors of young people, there is a 'notice me' behavior. There is a 'see me, value me' behavior. People who establish emotional connections do not feel lonely.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon the risks of constantly being visible and being pointed at as being perceived as success. He said, “Being pointed at is like walking on rocks in a person's life. When you fall, you break a part of yourself. Walking on a plain is easy. Being an average person is like walking on a plain. Even if you fall, you get up, but when walking on rocks, one mistake can instantly ruin your charisma. This also creates a risk.”
Intelligent people consider long-term rewards
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon the neurological mechanisms behind the pursuit of success. He said, “There are two types of rewards: immediate rewards and long-term rewards. Intelligent people use their brain's reward center by considering long-term rewards. This is a serotonin-focused system; it pursues ideas, ideals, and meaning. A dopamine-focused brain, on the other hand, lives with instant rewards. When one ends, it starts again. This is pleasure-oriented and not sustainable.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that everyone should define their own success. He said, “Instead of dealing with 'if only's and 'what if's, one needs to be focused on 'What can I do?' And immediately ask the second question: 'Where should I start?' I must start somewhere. Success needs to be approached this way. If you try to swallow a whole apple, you can't; you break it into pieces.”
True success is learning from failures
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the modern understanding of success puts people under chronic stress, causing an explosion in antidepressant use, and said that true success is learning from failures and gaining psychological flexibility.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that staying calm in moments of anger is one of the most important abilities on the path to success, and drew attention to the fact that this emotion can be used as a weapon by manipulative individuals.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Some people provoke anger, make others feel unsuccessful, and then say, ‘You are like this anyway, look. You can't achieve anything. Without me, you are nothing!’ thus enslaving and subjugating that person. Toxic individuals do this. These people, whom we call the toxic triad, lack empathy, consider their egos superior, are closed to criticism, and say that anything is permissible to achieve their goals.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that today's "more-is-more" success culture puts people under chronic stress, and the price of this is paid with mental health. He said, “Modernism, which preaches toxic success, says, 'you must be perfect, you must always be applauded.' This caused chronic stress. Currently, in New York, and also in Istanbul, antidepressants have become measurable in the sewers. Why are people taking so many antidepressants? If the philosophy of life does not change, antidepressant sales will be even higher in the 2030s. This means something is going wrong here.”
Confronting oneself…
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that confronting oneself is a great sign of self-confidence, and the biggest measure of self-confidence is a person's ability to question themselves, to say, like a third person, "This is my strength, this is my weakness. This mistake happened in this event. What did it teach me?" He added, “This is a sign of maturity. This is a person's personality maturing into wisdom. It's not easy to implement this, but one needs to be on this path at least. For example, being able to learn from failures… not just in the field of academic success, but also in the field of life success.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that it is wrong to see the end of a marriage as a "failure," saying, "Separation is not a choice, but a consequence."
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explained that going on the defensive in the face of failures is a human reflex, illustrating it with Nasreddin Hodja's anecdote, "I was going to get off the donkey anyway!", and stated that the path to maturity and wisdom goes through self-criticism.
The equivalent of the word empathy in our cultural codes is "insaf"
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, drawing attention to the importance of emotional intelligence in life success, said that the most accurate equivalent of the word "empathy" in our cultural codes is "insaf." Providing a deep analysis by delving into the etymology of the word, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “The most beautiful word expressing empathy is 'insaf.' The word 'insaf' comes from the Arabic root 'nısf.' 'Nısf' means half. Like half of an apple. In relationships, don't just look from your own half, but 'Be fair (insaf). Look from the other side's half too!' The word 'insaf' is actually about approaching situations empathetically, by seeing the big picture.”
The secret to not collapsing in the face of difficulties is "psychological resilience"
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the secret to not collapsing in the face of failures and difficulties is "psychological resilience," and proposed the definition of "psikolojik elastikiyet" (psychological elasticity) for this concept.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that unlike individuals with rigid thinking, flexible minds grow stronger by learning from events. He said, “The equivalent of psychological resilience is actually psychological flexibility. A person adapts in the face of an event, learns something, and returns to their previous state. There will be no unproblematic, obstacle-free close relationship; it will definitely happen. After it happens, they will ask, 'What percentage of this am I responsible for, what percentage is the other party responsible?' and if they made a mistake, they will know how to apologize if necessary.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that true happiness is not dependent on external conditions, and that this state, defined as "authentic happiness," is an internal state of maturity. He said, “Authentic happiness is being able to be happy even in prison. It is not being spoiled even in a palace. It is like those flowers that bloom in all four seasons, managing to be happy in any environment.”
Pointing out the importance of seeing failure not as a threat, but as an "opportunity for development," he said, “Many people cannot progress on the path to success due to fear of failure. People who fear failure easily blame others. Those who are closed to criticism are also like this. People with problem-solving skills will also solve failures and learn something.”