Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founder Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan met with union members and executives within the scope of the "Certified Training Program from Union Membership to Trade Unionism" organized by the Memur-Sen Women's Commission. Tarhan made important evaluations under the title of modern working life and mental health, emphasizing that if role sharing is done correctly in the family, the problems women face in their social and work lives will decrease. Tarhan said; "It is very important for women's social roles to be regulated, for them to be included in social life, and to provide a good example in this regard. The education of a child by an educated mother versus an uneducated mother makes a significant difference today. For this reason, if role sharing is done healthily within the family, the risks associated with women working decrease and are minimized."
"Modernism Increased the Burden on Women's Shoulders"
Evaluating the role of women in modern life, Tarhan emphasized the need to question whether the understanding that women's rights and equality discourses truly liberate women is real or an illusion. Tarhan said, "A major transformation occurred with modern life. With the Industrial Revolution, mental power gained importance over physical power. Equality of women and men in terms of rights and opportunities became a global phenomenon. In the 1960s, with the feminist movement, discourses on women's liberation and anti-marriage gained momentum. It needs to be questioned whether women truly benefited from cohabitation without marriage. From the perspective of family roles, modern times assign men the roles of businessman, husband, and father, while assigning women; wife, motherhood, businessperson, and fourthly, being responsible for household chores. In such a system, the burden on women increases. Additionally, the increasing concept of unfaithful relationships with modernism is placed on women's shoulders. While feminists view women's comfort as living in a faithful relationship, in such a situation, relationships turn into a war between women and men. The global system fuels these wars, ensuring their further establishment."
"Modernism Neglected the Role of Motherhood"
Stating that modernism neglected the role of motherhood, Tarhan emphasized that the balance between womanhood and motherhood could not be maintained. Tarhan said; "In the 1960s, the open marriage model began to be applied in the USA. Married parties had romantic relationships with other people during their marriages, but the consequences emerged years later. Because children raised in such families became victims of these marriages. Now, the new trend is to have children as a result of unmarried cohabitation. Modernism caused a great upheaval in family life. Especially in European countries, the rate of children born out of wedlock reached 60-70 percent. Most of these children grow up without seeing a family environment, raised by the state. On their identity cards, instead of mother and father names, it is written as parent 1 and parent 2. Children raised in care homes grow up without hearing the word "mother" in their lives; they address the people who serve them as 'caregivers'. Children who grow up in such an environment become egocentric and cruel, their empathy skills do not develop, and they do not know boundaries. When they reach adolescence, many turn to addiction. Modernism neglected the role of motherhood and failed to maintain the balance between the role of womanhood and motherhood. In many places, working mothers are not even given permission to care for their children, on the grounds that women and men are equal."
"Problems Faced by Women Can Be Reduced with Proper Role Sharing in the Family"
Stating that proper role sharing within the family would prevent chaos in women's work and social lives, Tarhan conveyed that educated mothers raise good children. Tarhan said; "It is very important for women's social roles to be regulated, for them to be included in social life, and to provide a good example in this regard. The education of a child by an educated mother versus an uneducated mother makes a significant difference today. For this reason, if role sharing is done healthily within the family, the risks associated with women working decrease and are minimized. In our culture, there are no concepts of 'spouse' and 'couple' in the same way. The words 'refik' and 'refika', meaning 'travel companion', are used. This means marriage is seen as a long journey. Those who walk together on this journey become life partners. In fact, these words 'refik' and 'refika' embody the equality of men and women, the equality of rights and opportunities. So, when a person embarks on a journey, what do they think about? First, they think about their destination. Couples who look at the same goal, not couples who constantly look into each other's eyes, can progress correctly towards the goal, but couples who constantly expect things from the other side find themselves in ego and power struggles. For such relationships not to arise in marriage, the family needs to have common goals and common ideals."
"Whether a Woman Works or Not Cannot Be a Binding Factor in Raising a Good Child"
Tarhan stated that whether a woman works or not is not always a decisive factor in raising a good child; "There is a concept in the family called 'abandonment without distance.' The mother is not working, she is at home, she feeds, gives drinks, dresses the child, and then devotes herself to housework and cleaning. She is in the same house as the child, but there is a situation we call abandonment without distance. That is, she doesn't play with the child, doesn't love, talk to, or smell the child, doesn't establish a warm relationship. In such cases, a situation we call emotional neglect emerges in the child. The child tells themselves that life is not safe. They don't feel secure, and there is constant anxiety and fear in the child. The mother didn't work but also didn't spend time with the child. In such cases, the child experiences a 'soul age trauma.' Another trauma is when the mother works, she feels excessive guilt towards her child, and after a while, she comes home with gifts every evening to make the child happy. She shows exaggerated interest, does everything the child says. The child understands this very well. Because psycho-physiologically, a child is the most selfish being. They imagine themselves at the center of the world. They first invest love in themselves. Then in the caregiver, the mother or the person acting as the mother. Then in their siblings, their toys. As they grow, they invest love in their environment, other family members, their country, nation, and creation, the Creator. This investment grows and develops as they mature. Now, if a child does not have such a warm relationship with a mother at a young age, they cannot learn how to invest love. Therefore, a child's first teacher is their mother."
"Those Who Oppose Women's Participation in Working Life Are Being Unfair"
Stating that working mothers who establish a consistent relationship with their children are unfairly treated, Tarhan conveyed that proper role sharing in the family would overcome problems. Tarhan said; "If a mother works but behaves consistently with her child, making them feel very valuable when she comes home, spending time with them, and then doing housework, the child will not feel an emotional void. The most important thing in child education is that children look at what parents do, not what they say. If a mother spends quality time with her child after coming home from work, the mother's working does not have a traumatic effect on that child. For this reason, working mothers should not forget role sharing in child education and relationships with their spouses. If she comes home and says, 'I am in the role of a mother at home right now' and takes care of the child, and takes on the role of a spouse when she is with her husband, and lives those roles correctly without mixing them up, no problems will arise. So, those who oppose women being in working life are, in my opinion, being unfair here. As I mentioned earlier, there can also be those who are at home but do not make time for their child through 'abandonment without distance'. There are many working mothers who can raise their children very well because they can manage role sharing effectively."
"Being a Parent Is Not Steering the Child's Life Ship for Them"
Stating that parenthood is not about making the child happy all the time, Tarhan expressed that the main duty of parents is to prepare the child for life. Tarhan said; "We need to teach the child to be the captain of their own ship. That is, being a mother or father here is not about steering the child's life ship for them, but rather being a pilot captain. There are two types of captains; one is the captain at the helm who steers the ship, and the other is the pilot captain. The pilot captain does not take the helm but transfers life experience. For this reason, parents should act as guides, not doing what the child should do themselves, not taking their place. Here, with a sacrifice schema, mothers undertake many things that the child should do on their own. The child reaches school age, for example, but does not know how to tie shoelaces or button their shirt. In these situations, the child cannot individualize. Therefore, the essential thing here is to guide the child and teach them about life. Parenthood does not mean making the child happy; it means preparing the child for life. It is necessary to teach them to endure and tolerate some difficulties. When we raise good people, we raise a child who can be beneficial to society, family, and themselves. A child is the product of their mother and father. The pleasure that comes from raising a child who is successful, has contributed to society and humanity, and walks with their head held high, honorably good, is the greatest investment in the medium to long term. Therefore, this investment can be made very easily if a balanced relationship is established without neglecting it."
Reporter: Esmanur Tuna