The opening program of the “Healthy Relationships, Strong Marriages” Project, carried out under the scientific consultancy of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, led by the Kocaeli Associations Federation, supported by the T.R. Ministry of Interior General Directorate of Civil Society Relations, and in partnership with Dilovası District Governorate and Dilovası Municipality, took place. Within the scope of the project, the Family Academy was inaugurated with a ceremony, aiming to provide awareness workshops, seminars, and individual support for couples about to marry, newly married couples, and families. As part of the opening program, an interview titled “Family: The Last Refuge” was held with Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan. Emphasizing that family is a haven of trust, Tarhan gave crucial advice to young couples on the importance of love, respect, and communication in marriage.
The opening program held at Dilovası Municipality Ercan Dalkılıç Cultural Center was attended by Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Dilovası Mayor Ramazan Ömeroğlu, Kocaeli Associations Federation President and Specialist Family Counselor Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli, Üsküdar Üniversitesi Young Brains Academy Application and Research Center Director and Social Contribution Coordinator Dr. Lecturer Nebiye Yaşar, and Journalist Şaban Özdemir, as well as institutional directors, municipal council members, and representatives of non-governmental organizations.
Dr. Lecturer Nebiye Yaşar: “The greatest investment in love is to understand and be understood”
The first speech of the program was delivered by Dr. Lecturer Nebiye Yaşar, Director of Üsküdar Üniversitesi Young Brains Academy Application and Research Center and Social Contribution Coordinator. Yaşar presented the 'Healthy Relationships Strong Marriages Project'. 'The Family Academy has been established in Dilovası for the family institution to be built on healthy foundations and to serve as an example for society. Our esteemed founding rector and academic advisor of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, Professor Nevzat Tarhan, provides scientific support to our work. We thank him very much. Our project, ‘Healthy Relationships Strong Marriages,’ will be carried out for one year with the support of the Ministry of Interior and the General Directorate of Civil Society Relations. Our goal is to strengthen the communication and awareness of families, encompassing couples about to marry, newly married couples, individuals seeking pre-marital counseling, and family counselors. Activities include family awareness workshops, interactive seminars, individual support and therapies, and sharing exemplary family stories through the 'Voice of the Family' program. Additionally, the project's impact will be enhanced with World Family Day events and cultural trips. The project is being carried out under the scientific consultancy of Üsküdar Üniversitesi, in cooperation with the District Governorate, Municipality, and all relevant directorates. We believe that the greatest investment in love is to understand and be understood,' she stated.
Ramazan Ömeroğlu: “I wish our work to be a source of good deeds”
Subsequently, Dilovası Mayor Ramazan Ömeroğlu delivered the opening speech of the program. Ömeroğlu said; 'For us, this meaningful project, in which Dilovası Municipality is delighted to be a stakeholder, coming to life in our district carries a very deep meaning. I pray to God that our work, which is of great importance in strengthening the concept of family, reinforcing the relationships between spouses, and minimizing, even eliminating domestic violence, will be a source of good deeds, and I extend my gratitude to each and every one of you for your participation.'
Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli: “The aim of these efforts is to increase strong and happy marriages”
Kocaeli Associations Federation President and Specialist Family Counselor Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli delivered a welcoming speech at the program. Geredeli said; 'In the Family Academy opened in Kocaeli Dilovası, chosen as a pilot region, free marriage education will first be provided to engaged, betrothed, and soon-to-be-married young people, as well as married couples. The academy will also organize integration activities for couples married for over 25 years to explain the importance and ease of marriage, and workshops on topics such as family law, spirituality and privacy in the family, domestic violence, child development, and family health. The aim of these efforts is to reduce divorces and domestic violence, and to increase strong and happy marriages. I pray to God that on this path we have set out with sincere intentions, He may open our way, bless our efforts, and make our work successful. I extend my gratitude to everyone who supported us and did not leave us alone today.'
Following the opening speeches, an interview titled “Family: The Last Refuge” was held with Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan. Journalist Şaban Özdemir moderated the interactive interview.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “This project is a journey with a purpose”
Initially sharing his views on the project, Tarhan began his speech by saying; 'I thank everyone who contributed. This project is a journey with a purpose. As long as we proceed according to our roadmap, like a seed planted in the soil, the results will show themselves not immediately but over time. With the hope of seeing positive developments in the lives of the people we touch in the coming years…' he stated.
“Declining population is a serious crisis”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, who spoke about three basic norms protecting society, said; 'Firstly, there are laws and rules. If there are no rules in society, chaos ensues. Laws are important but not sufficient on their own. Family cannot be protected by laws. Secondly, there are social norms. Social standards, values, and traditions protect society. The first fortress is laws and rules, the second fortress is social norms. The third fortress is the family, which is the inner fortress. Laws cannot protect the family. Our constitution has provisions related to the family, but some practices adopted from the West can unknowingly harm the family. With the impact of the communication age and the world becoming an electronic village, societal norms have also rapidly changed. In the last 10-20 years, family norms have also been affected. The third norm protecting society and the family is the relationships and rules within the family. We used to call this Anatolian wisdom or traditions. These values protected our children within the family, and the family was strong, but today, unfortunately, our family structure has changed. The fertility rate has fallen below 1.5 percent. However, to maintain the current population level, this rate needs to be at least 2.1. When it drops to 1.5, the population will decrease from 80 million to 60 million within 30 years. This is a serious crisis. That is why a very serious family project was undertaken. Even though it is late, our traditions and sensitivity towards the family continue…' he expressed.
“Family is a haven of trust”
Tarhan, stating that love combined with honesty creates trust, said; 'The family is our refuge. People see the family as a safe space where they take shelter from the storms of external life. We used to call the family a nest of love, but it is now understood that the family is actually a haven of trust. Love is necessary for trust to form, but love alone is not enough. Love plus honesty equals trust. Love alone is not sufficient in a person without character. Trust forms when love combines with honesty. This is essential for secure relationships and secure attachment. Secure attachment has weakened today. The reason for this is the changing global philosophies of life. A pleasure-oriented philosophy of life is presented to us, meaning people live life merely as a cyclical process without a sense of accountability. Such an approach can lead to a person being able to do anything once power is gained. In ancient Greece, theft was permissible unless caught. A similar culture seems to prevail today. This is a result of a self-interest and pleasure-oriented philosophy of life, and it has negative effects on the family.'
“Ego battles are what destroy marriage the most”
Tarhan, drawing attention to the increasing spread of a worldly outlook, said; 'Today there is a philosophy of life that sees the purpose of life only as worldly existence, namely secularism. People here want to live as if they will never die, without any accountability. This feeling is important, but alongside it, the influence of selfishness, egoism, and globalization on individuals is also significant. What destroys marriage the most are ego battles. Initially, the romantic period is short; the honeymoon phase usually lasts a maximum of two years. After that, power and personality struggles begin between individuals. If people manage this period wisely and learn problem-solving methods, they can emerge stronger from this process, and a period of commitment can begin. However, often conflicts escalate such as 'my way, your way,' 'my money, your money,' 'my family, your family.' The marriage fractures, and problem-solving does not occur. At the root of these problems lies egoism, worldliness, and a secular philosophy of life. This changing philosophy of life seriously harms the family. If we do not correct this, we cannot make the individual fundamentally healthy.'
“If we fear problems, problems grow even larger”
Tarhan, stating that problems are a part of growth, said; 'Mistakes and errors are also a natural part of growth. If you expect a spouse who never makes mistakes, do not marry; it is impossible, mistakes will definitely be made. Sometimes storms arise in marriage. The storm will blow, it will roar like a lion without stopping, but then it will not cause harm. Sometimes the woman, sometimes the man, experiences this storm; the tone of voice may rise, there may be tension. In such situations, marriage is like a boat. Two people are rowing in the boat; if one rows incorrectly, the boat faces the risk of capsizing. If both sides row incorrectly, the boat will definitely capsize. Therefore, if one makes a mistake, the other should act considering the future of the boat. When storms occur in marriage, the goal when making decisions should not be to dominate or subjugate each other. The important question is, 'How should I act to do what is best for the future of my family?' When decisions are made according to the future of the marriage's ship, problems are solved much more easily. 80 percent of problems are solved when 20 percent are solved; this is called the Pareto Principle. If there are 100 percent problems, 80 percent are solved when 20 percent are solved because the repetition of the 20 percent covers the remaining 80 percent. Problem-solving requires a focused approach. A judge is happy when justice is served, a doctor is happy when healing their patient. Parents at home should also be happy when they solve problems. Let's not be afraid of problems; let's seek solutions. If we fear problems, problems grow even larger,' he stated.
The worst is lack of communication…
Tarhan, speaking about three types of communication within the family, said; 'Firstly, healthy communication; secondly, conflicting communication; and thirdly, lack of communication. The worst is lack of communication. In this situation, parties completely stop listening to each other. When we look at problems at home, initially, spouses love each other, and their marriages are harmonious. However, over time, the woman dedicates herself to the child, the man to his work, and emotional distance forms between them. As emotional distance increases, psychological distance also widens, and couples start communicating by raising their voices, which leads to conflict. In happy families, there are three main elements: love, respect, and interest. These three must be together. When interest weakens, love and respect cannot be sustained. Spending quality time together is very important. A study conducted at the University of Nebraska identified three characteristics of happy families: Making conscious efforts to spend time together. Frequently using words of appreciation, praise, and approval for each other. Instead of trying to correct mistakes, appreciating them without being false or deceitful when they do good things, as stated in the hadith, 'Be gracious to each other, husband and wife.' Families with a sense of spiritual responsibility, such as praying together, which is also a factor related to life philosophy. A sense of belonging and trust is essential for healthy, lifelong relationships. Love alone is not enough; love plus cooperation brings long-term healthy relationships and love. For this, cooperation, honesty, and trust are the cornerstones,' he concluded.
The opening program concluded with a group photo session.
Within the scope of the project, family seminars, educational workshops for young people, and field studies will continue in different districts in the upcoming period.
