The “Peer Courtesy Summit,” jointly organized by the Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education, Üsküdar University, and the Üsküdar District Directorate of National Education, was held at Üsküdar University's Çarşı Campus. During the panel within the summit, courtesy, the transformation of human relations, and the effects of the digital age were discussed from philosophical, neuroscientific, and sociological perspectives.
Former Minister of National Education Prof. Dr. Nabi Avcı stated that in the past, students could listen attentively for up to 15 minutes, adding, “At the point we've reached today, the quality listening time for young people is approximately 3 minutes. After that, they look at the speaker's hair, eyes, beard, mustache, the pen in their hand, their watch; in other words, they don't listen, they watch.”
Üsküdar University Founding Rector Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “We can teach peer courtesy with a chatbot. Young people love artificial intelligence and digital environments. When bullying or exclusion occurs in the classroom, a student can come to the chatbot and ask their question. The most fundamental thing we recommend is to use 'I language' instead of 'you language.'”
The “Peer Courtesy Summit,” jointly organized by the Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education, Üsküdar University, and the Üsküdar District Directorate of National Education, was held at Üsküdar University's Çarşı Campus.
The Peer Courtesy Summit, hosted by Üsküdar University, brought together teachers, academics, and Ministry of National Education representatives. The summit aimed to prevent bullying among young people and strengthen the culture of courtesy through positive psychology and communication approaches.
Prof. Dr. Güngör: “Scientific knowledge that does not translate into life has no value”
Speaking at the opening of the summit, Üsküdar University Rector Prof. Dr. Nazife Güngör emphasized the importance of the summit. Stating that the university carries out studies with the goal of scientific production transforming into social contribution, Prof. Dr. Güngör said, “Scientific knowledge that does not translate into life has no value. As a university, we prioritize social responsibility projects in addition to education.”
In her speech, Prof. Dr. Güngör emphasized that teachers and the Ministry of National Education are the most important solution partners at the summit, saying, “Our topic today is ‘Peer Courtesy.’ Until now, this topic was usually referred to as ‘Peer Bullying.’ However, here, as you have noticed, we aim to address a serious problem in a gentler, more pride-inducing, and heart-warming way, by using the discourse of positive psychology on one hand, and positive communication on the other. Peer bullying has always existed; however, with the widespread use of digital communication technologies, this problem has become much more visible and has sometimes turned into a spectacle. Visibility offers a positive opportunity for awareness of the problem. In this way, we can collectively create points of sensitivity against problems that are more common, especially during adolescence, raise awareness in society, and develop solutions together.” she said.
Üsküdar University Rector's Advisor Halide İncekara, in her opening speech, thanked the summit participants and highlighted the importance of cooperation and teamwork for the event.
Provincial Director of National Education Yentür: “Courtesy and humility should be exemplified through lasting behaviors”
Istanbul Provincial Director of National Education Murat Mücahit Yentür drew attention to the importance of teachers and stated that the best examples of courtesy are exhibited in the classroom and school environment. Yentür said, “Our teachers are not only guides for our students in the classroom but also at home. Courtesy and humility suit humans, gaining meaning through humans. Therefore, the role of teachers and education in this humility is very significant. Courtesy and humility should be exemplified through lasting behaviors,” giving examples from his own experiences.
Subsequently, the Peer Courtesy Panel was held at the summit. Üsküdar University Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Former Minister of National Education Prof. Dr. Nabi Avcı, and Prof. Dr. Nilüfer Pembecioğlu participated in the panel.
“First greetings, then words”
Speaking at the panel, Former Minister of National Education Prof. Dr. Nabi Avcı began by recalling Fethi Gemuhluoğlu’s saying, “First greetings, then words,” and stated that courtesy is not merely a behavior, but a cultural value with origins and meaning, adding that examining the etymology of words is “an exercise that keeps the mind sharp.”
Reminding that the word “nezaket” (courtesy) comes from the Persian word “nazuk,” meaning delicate or fine, Prof. Dr. Avcı said that courtesy is essentially about refinement and the respect humans have for one another.
“Is man a wolf to man, or sacred to him?”
In his speech, Prof. Dr. Avcı also touched upon Hobbes's famous saying, “Man is a wolf to man,” stating that this expression is often taken out of context. Prof. Dr. Avcı mentioned that Hobbes also said “Man is a god to man” in the same place, and commented, “This means that man carries both a threat and a value and sacredness for other men.”
Prof. Dr. Avcı also referred to Martin Buber's “I-Thou” relationship model, emphasizing that human relationships are experienced either in the “subject-object” or “subject-subject” form, and that courtesy can only develop in subject-subject relationships.
“Listening time has dropped to 3 minutes”
Prof. Dr. Nabi Avcı drew attention to the dramatic shortening of listening time, especially among younger generations, stating that in the past, students could listen attentively for up to 15 minutes, whereas today this period has dropped to 3 minutes. Prof. Dr. Avcı spoke as follows:
“At the point we've reached today, the quality listening time for young people is approximately 3 minutes. Three minutes! After that, they look at the speaker's hair, eyes, beard, mustache, the pen in their hand, their watch; in other words, they don't listen, they watch. This situation is not exclusive to young people; it has spread to us too. Watching seems easier and more enjoyable; we tend to gossip, thinking, ‘How is he dressed, how is he sitting...’ The issue is this: our learning habits form pathways in the brain, and we can no longer process outside these pathways. When you use Twitter, Instagram, Facebook for 3–5 hours a day, your mind gets used to thinking, messaging, and communicating within a 200-character space. You become capable of expressing yourself only in 200 characters.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan: “Teachers build the social and emotional architecture in a child's brain”
Üsküdar University Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that social and emotional capital is shaped in children at an early age, and teachers act as “second architects” in this process, saying, “The mother gives the child the first social and emotional capital in their soul, while at school, the teacher builds the social and emotional architecture in the child's brain.”
“Intelligent and hardworking children are not enough; raising good people is essential”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that modern education only provides concrete goals to children, saying, “Modernism tells a child to 'be smart and successful.' But if a smart, hardworking, and successful person lacks virtue ethics, they can drift into risky areas. This is why we see well-educated young people producing synthetic drugs, engaging in illegal structures, and behaving unethically. The third parameter, 'raising good people,' is being neglected.'”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that virtue ethics are acquired between the ages of 4 and 6, and that this education becomes much more difficult after this period. He also gave the example of character education being prioritized over academic education in Japan and China.
“The main purpose of education is to prepare the child for life”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that teaching history, geography, and mathematics to children is secondary in the early period, saying, “To a child of that age, we even teach that a fish in an aquarium can die; because we want the child to know the realities of life. A child raised with 'Don't get stressed, don't be sad' becomes happy but is not prepared for life. The main purpose of education is to prepare the child for life.”
“Courtesy is a concept very well-suited to peer relationships”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also pointed out that children should have a purpose they can work for and strive towards, saying, “Just as we speak of economic capital, social capital and emotional capital are also related to a child's life purpose. At this point, courtesy is a very important concept. Respect is valuable, but courtesy is a concept beyond respect. Courtesy is the feeling of not wanting to hurt. The origin of the concept of courtesy in our culture also shows this. For us, it means delicacy; it is based on not offending the other party. Even the harshest words can be said in the kindest way — this is called diplomacy, not political maneuvering. Courtesy is both a cultural value and a concept very well-suited to peer relationships.”
“Adolescence is the period when a child says, ‘I am now an individual separate from my family’”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that young people enjoy criticizing the generation before them, and this becomes even more pronounced in adolescence, saying, “Because adolescence is the period when a child says, 'I am now an individual separate from my family.' At the core of adolescent psychology lies this need for separation. They want to move away from home, to establish their own space. Instead of traditional admonishing language, an approach that emphasizes the empathy dimension of courtesy is much more effective. In other words, the main emphasis should be on empathetic communication.”
“The purpose of life taught by modernism today is hedonism”
Emphasizing that the culture of pleasure imposed by modernism weakens younger generations, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the solution is “empathy, peer courtesy, and a positive school climate.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan drew attention to the neurobiological and social effects of modern pleasure culture, referring to endocrinologist Robert Lustig's 2017 book, saying, “In his book, Lustig talks about 'the American economy hacking the American brain.' We want to translate this book into Turkish. What we call the disease of modernism is rapidly spreading to societies; this situation is also known as 'California Syndrome.'”
“Today, the rates of single-parent households have reached 30–35%”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan drew attention to the transformation in family structure in Turkey, stating that single-parent households have significantly increased. Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that while extended family rates were high before, today single-parent household rates have reached 30–35%, emphasizing that this signifies “serious household fragility.”
Pointing to the impact of modern life in this transformation, Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that cultural transmission was previously provided by the family and education system, but today this role is largely taken over by social media.
First edition of the book “Science of Happiness and Values” sold out
Prof. Dr. Tarhan underlined that one should not fall into pessimism and that there are also solution-producing approaches in the digital age, stating that Üsküdar University has taken responsibility in this field and prepared an educational project with 20 psychologists.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the first edition of the book “Science of Happiness and Values,” prepared within the scope of the project and published in 2022 in the format of a Ministry of National Education Supplementary Textbook, has sold out, and the second edition has also been published. He added that the book begins with the theme of “the meaning and purpose of life,” teaching young people skills such as the attention pyramid, importance-priority pyramid, goal setting, followed by forgiveness, empathy, stress management, gratitude, and thankfulness. Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that this system, which combines Anatolian wisdom with modern psychology and positive science, aims to strengthen the emotional and values world of young people, and also mentioned that the university has made this work available to the public and the entire education system for free in PDF format.
“The Goal Friendship model reduces peer bullying”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that the positive effects of the Goal Friendship model developed at Üsküdar University were shown in an article published at Hacettepe University, explained the functioning of the system as follows:
“We established a peer mentorship and peer mediation system. When a problem arises, peers try to solve it first. We pair a Turkish student with a foreign student; like a buddy system. It reduces both cliquishness and conflicts.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that every problem experienced in adolescence is a “growth opportunity,” and used the expressions, “Instead of saying 'you are bullying,' we should say 'let's do peer mediation.' When you strengthen positive behaviors, negative ones naturally fade away.”
We can teach peer courtesy with a chatbot
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that artificial intelligence is an important tool in this process and shared a new project proposal:
“I thought about what could be done for the Peer Courtesy Project. We can teach peer courtesy with a chatbot. Young people love artificial intelligence and digital environments. Therefore, a chatbot can be developed. We, as a team, can add three separate modules to the chatbot's software language: a student module, a teacher module, and a parent module. When bullying or exclusion occurs in the classroom, a student can come to the chatbot and ask their question. The most fundamental thing we recommend is to use 'I language' instead of 'you language.' For example, when a child says, 'Why did you exclude me?', the other party responds harshly, and a fight breaks out. However, if they said, 'I felt very bad when you excluded me,' the conflict would largely be prevented. Even such a simple skill solves many problems.
Explaining this to all students individually can be both difficult and time-consuming. However, comprehensive training can be implemented through a chatbot within six months or a year. As Üsküdar University, we have such content ready. If we establish this system together with the Ministry of National Education and a software team, we can use the chatbot in all middle and high schools across Turkey.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that the concept of Peer Courtesy is a correct concept, stating, “Instead of constantly talking about peer bullying, if we increase positive behaviors, bullying will naturally decrease. When we increase empathy education and acts of kindness in schools, bullying will also naturally begin to slowly fade away.”
Prof. Dr. Nilüfer Pembecioğlu: “Courtesy is actually something learned in childhood”
Prof. Dr. Nilüfer Pembecioğlu from the Radio Television and Cinema Department of Istanbul University Faculty of Communication drew attention to the importance of early childhood in children learning values such as courtesy and empathy, saying, “Every child is born with incredible capacity. Courtesy is actually something learned in childhood. If we don't learn it at the right time, perhaps we will never learn it.”
Prof. Dr. Pembecioğlu also spoke about the effects of the digital age on children, saying, “Children perceive the world and people through screens, guided by the information they receive. In the digital environment, children become isolated; they cannot find individuals to identify with or role model after when they watch. A child who cannot learn courtesy and empathy cannot exhibit valuable behaviors towards others. First, the child needs to feel valued.”
Prof. Dr. Pembecioğlu stated, “Children express themselves with both their teachers and their families. Real and sincere communication motivates them and allows them to discover themselves. Digital loneliness and screen addiction dull children's other skills. Placing a computer in front of a child isolates them. Communicating with them one-on-one is more important today than ever.”
