Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that the term ‘self-love’ beautifully summarizes narcissism, said, “They are always fed by praise. They constantly want people to praise them. When someone criticizes them, they see that person as an enemy. When we look at their lives and life philosophies, they have a structure that desires to be admired, along with possessing unlimited success, power, intelligence, and superiority.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the manifestations of narcissism differ in men and women, adding, “In men, narcissism is generally linked to economic power and physical superiority. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, shows a greater tendency towards self-display. By displaying herself, a woman draws attention with her appearance and finds narcissistic gratification through the praises she receives from others.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, discussed narcissistic personality disorder.
The term 'self-love' beautifully summarizes narcissism
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that before defining narcissistic personality disorder, it is necessary to properly understand the concept of narcissism. According to mythology, narcissism originated from Narcissus, a very handsome young man. He said, “He admired himself so much that while all other young girls were captivated by him, he liked no one and considered himself superior. One day, he looked at his own reflection by the water, gazed at himself for hours, and eventually died by falling into the water due to this admiration. After his death, a narcissus flower grew in that spot. Inspired by this mythological story, the term narcissism entered psychological literature in the early 19th century. Narcissism is defined as a person having excessive admiration for themselves, considering themselves superior to others, and harboring feelings of grandiosity. The term 'self-love' beautifully summarizes narcissism; meaning to love and admire oneself. However, in narcissistic individuals, beyond this self-love, there is also a feeling of being superior, special, and important compared to other people. Furthermore, a lack of empathy is common in these individuals; they cannot understand or respect the feelings and rights of others.”
They exaggerate their own talents and achievements, living as if they are the center of the world…
“Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder live in a fantasy world as if they are the center of the world. These attitudes constantly manifest themselves in both their fantasies and their behaviors,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that these individuals tend to exaggerate their own achievements and talents, and a narcissistic person will constantly bring the conversation back to their own achievements and talents, describing them disproportionately and magnifying them several times over.
They are fed by praise…
Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “They are always fed by praise. They constantly want people to praise them. When someone criticizes them, they see that person as an enemy. When we look at their lives and life philosophies, they have a structure that desires to be admired, along with possessing unlimited success, power, intelligence, and superiority. Because they attach great importance to their external appearance, they want everyone to admire them. For example, they buy a painting that no one else has, or invest large sums of money to acquire rare flowers that only they possess. In other words, they take great pleasure and enjoyment in being pointed out for something only they have.”
If there is ego gratification, there is also 'Leadership disease'!
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also noted that these self-admiring individuals are fed by emotion and applause, and continued:
“Because they see themselves as special and unique, they believe they are superior and always want to be in the forefront. Being a leader, standing out, and being applauded are important to them. If a person pursues leadership to satisfy their own ego, this can be called a kind of ‘leadership disease.’ However, if leadership is pursued for a goal or ideal that transcends the individual, then it is non-narcissistic leadership. Narcissistic leadership emerges when a person wants to be a manager solely to satisfy their own ego; if this person desires leadership not for a high ideal or a corporate goal, but to satisfy their egocentric feelings, then their narcissistic aspect comes to the forefront. Furthermore, these individuals shape their sense of entitlement towards themselves driven by a desire for admiration and engage in favoritism. This situation, known as nepotism, arises from their tendency to offer all opportunities to those who serve them, but they tend to view those who do not obey them as enemies.”
They try to destroy those who do not obey them with their power, by humiliating them!
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also explained that narcissistic individuals give everything to those they love and those who obey them, continuing:
“They even offer their resources to these people without any benefit. They perfectly manipulate others for their own interests. They speak differently at every table and immediately change their minds when circumstances change. To maintain power, they use intelligence, beauty, opportunities, and love, and can even play a modest or sincere role when necessary. They skillfully play the role of sincerity and manipulate people by effectively using body language. When you observe these behaviors, you realize they are extremely volatile. Individuals with narcissistic traits impress people in the short term, but lose trust in the medium and long term and are ostracized by society. These individuals lack empathy; they cannot understand the feelings and needs of others and are insensitive to people suffering. Even when they apologize, it is usually not a sincere apology but part of a role. They play every role imaginable to achieve their goals and are quite jealous. They either envy others or think everyone envies them. Furthermore, they show great disrespect towards those who do not obey them, trying to destroy them with their power by humiliating them.”
It is important not to confuse narcissistic personality with narcissistic behaviors
Noting that many schools of psychology define this condition as ‘patological narcissism’ due to these characteristics, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Among the representatives of contemporary psychoanalysis, Otto Kernberg refers to it as pathological and immature narcissism, while the famous psychologist Heinz Kohut describes these individuals as 'tragic people.' These individuals, seen as tragic, disastrous, or malignant, act just like a cancer cell. A cancer cell is a malignant cell; it grows by destroying all tissues for its own benefit. Similarly, when such people gain power in their family or environment, they control and enslave everyone around them. When they hold economic power, family members obey them, but children may harbor deep animosity towards these individuals. This can escalate to a rebellion against the father or mother, running away from home, substance abuse, or committing crimes. These types, generally known as arrogant, are also recognized as narcissistic individuals in popular perception. However, it is important not to confuse narcissistic personality with narcissistic behaviors. All of us may exhibit narcissistic behaviors at certain times in our lives. But what is important is to realize these behaviors through the sincere criticism of a friend and to be able to change them.”
The feeling of narcissism is innate in a child as a fundamental drive
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the feeling of narcissism is innately present in a child as a fundamental drive and is accepted as a natural emotion. He said, “The child sees themselves as the center of the world and invests their love in their own ego, that is, their sense of self. However, as the child grows, they begin to invest their love first in their mother, father, siblings, then in their toys, environment, and school. As they grow older, they invest love in their identity, country, homeland, and ultimately in creation, humanity, and the creator. In this way, as a person matures, their love investment expands, and they become a mature individual.”
Narcissistic personality disorder is sometimes referred to as 'psychological death'
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that Freud referred to schizophrenia as "secondary narcissism." He explained, “In secondary narcissism, the individual re-invests their narcissistic energy in themselves. After schizophrenia, the individual begins to live in their own isolated world. They wage wars within themselves, create storms, and become indifferent to the outside world. This person, living in a separate reality, can only survive with such a psychotic defense mechanism. Otherwise, they face the danger of complete mental disintegration. That is why narcissistic personality disorder is sometimes referred to as ‘psychological death.’ The person is considered psychologically alienated from humanity, as if spiritually dead. If society does not set boundaries for such individuals, does not say ‘no,’ these individuals can destroy families and companies with the power and resources they possess. Narcissistic individuals are one of the biggest causes of divorces. This applies to both men and women. For example, men's narcissism manifests itself in the form of crushing the other party by using their economic power. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, usually arises from narcissistic investment in their physical appearance. Women may overemphasize their physical appearance and attract attention with seductive clothing. This is a type of sexual narcissism. Their libido is directed towards their body, and for example, if a pimple appears on their body, they can fall into a major depression.”
The manifestations of narcissism differ in men and women…
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the manifestations of narcissism differ in men and women, saying, “In men, narcissism is generally linked to economic power and physical superiority. Throughout history, men have used these powers they possessed, as a result of narcissism, to increase violence against women and cause domestic problems. Narcissism in women, on the other hand, shows a greater tendency towards self-display. By displaying herself, a woman draws attention with her appearance and finds narcissistic gratification through the praises she receives from others. Men, however, achieve this gratification by showing off their power, by shouting and yelling. In both cases, narcissistic gratification is at play. As a woman displays herself, and as a man uses his power, narcissism is satisfied. These two different forms of expression reveal the exaggerated forms of narcissism. All of us may have narcissistic tendencies to a certain degree, but we must keep these tendencies constantly under control. When we cannot control them and go to extremes, narcissism manifests itself. Narcissism is a kind of nuclear energy; when controlled correctly, it provides life energy, but when uncontrolled, it explodes, damages relationships, and pushes the individual into loneliness. Therefore, narcissism is an indestructible energy, but it needs to be managed.”
Narcissism stems from self-awareness
Prof. Dr. Tarhan pointed out that human narcissism stems from self-awareness, stating, “One of the most important characteristics that distinguishes humans from other living beings is having self-awareness. For example, a cat, dog, or monkey does not have a consciousness that asks questions like ‘Who am I?’, ‘Why do I exist?’, ‘What is my difference from other living beings?’ Activities such as building civilizations, forming social relationships, creating art, literature, music, philosophy, and religion are unique to humans. Human psychological needs are infinite, but their power is limited. The fact that their needs are infinite while their power is limited can push humans to exaggerate this limited power in an attempt to meet their needs.”
“All of us have narcissistic needs. What is important here is how these needs are met”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that one of the theories of narcissism is related to how a person meets their narcissistic needs. He said, “All of us have narcissistic needs. What is important here is how these needs are met. Narcissistic needs are related to a person feeling valuable and important, having self-respect, holding a good position in society, correctly understanding and accepting their place in the universe. However, self-perception and self-worth are different things. If a person's self-perception is excessively high, meaning they see themselves as superior and important, but their self-worth is low, then the difference between these two situations, that is, the ‘narcissistic gap,’ widens. In this case, the person begins to see themselves as larger than they are and adopts a narcissistic personality structure. On the other hand, if a person can see themselves as they are, with both their strengths and weaknesses, can engage in self-criticism, and embark on a journey of internal questioning and discovery, it means they can control their narcissism, and this person would not be a narcissist.”
We need to manage our narcissistic needs correctly
Prof. Dr. Tarhan emphasized that we need to manage our primitive and wild emotions, our narcissistic needs, correctly. He continued:
“We should meet these needs not with false applause or misleading ways, but by putting in effort, working, and making the best use of the resources at our disposal. Narcissistic needs are natural, but in this process, it is important to know the difference between self-confidence and self-admiration. Self-admiration (vanity) is narcissism; it means ignoring flaws and praising oneself excessively. Self-confidence, on the other hand, is a person's ability to see both their positive and negative aspects, and to create a life philosophy by focusing on their positive aspects while trying to correct their negative ones. A person who can do this can manage their narcissism. Narcissism is like a wild horse within us. If we can tame this wild horse, it will take us to our goal. But if we cannot tame it, the wild horse takes control and drags us wherever it wants. Therefore, to be able to say ‘I am the boss’ to the narcissistic energy within us, we must use our self-awareness to manage this energy. Interestingly, the word ‘politics’ (siyaset) comes from the root ‘seyis’ (groom). A groom is a person who tames a wild horse. Politics, whether economic or social, also expresses a person's ability to manage themselves. For example, a father managing his family is also a form of politics; it involves creating a strategy related to family, company, or social life. Humans achieve their goals by correctly using this initiative.”
If a person resorts to lies, that person is a malignant narcissist
“The best thing that educates a person's narcissistic aspects is having goals,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, adding, “While striving to reach these goals, which we call ego ideals, it is important to choose benevolent paths and reject malevolent ones. For instance, if a person resorts to lies, that person is a malignant narcissist. However, if they can push away lies and malice with the back of their hand, it means they can control their narcissistic tendencies.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that the ability to manage our primitive and wild emotions, resilience, and the development of social and emotional skills are important. He added, “However, today's capitalist system feeds narcissism. Narcissistic individuals work by struggling and pushing themselves, produce, and contribute to the economy. The global system glorifies consumption and relies on irresponsible, limitless production and consumption.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also explained that inquiries into narcissism have increased in the Western world and that subjects like mindfulness have started to be taught in schools. He concluded by saying, “To correct narcissism, it is important to start the education process from primary school. Children should be taught self-education and self-discipline rather than selfishness. Young people should win their first victories against themselves and succeed in educating themselves.”