Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, participated in the online interview program titled “Youth Psychology in the Digital Age: Loneliness, Addiction and Success,” organized by Kocaeli Provincial Directorate of National Education and Gebze April 23 Science and Art Center. Addressing the impacts of digitalization on the psychological world of young people, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the increasing feeling of loneliness, digital addiction, the weakening of trust and honesty-based relationships, the importance of family attachment relationships, and the strengthening of psychological resilience. Tarhan stated that consistency over popularity, conscious use over digital surrender, and supporting a sense of meaning and purpose are crucial for the mental health of young people. Tarhan also used the phrase, “It's possible to use technology without surrendering to it.”
There was intense interest in the online interview.
“What makes people happy are deep and meaningful relationships”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, emphasizing that relationships have become superficial in the modern age, stated that the fundamental reason for loneliness felt within crowds is the weakening of deep and meaningful relationships. Tarhan began by saying: “Loneliness within crowds… Currently, there are many virtual relationships, but these relationships are not deep and meaningful. Yet, what makes people happy are deep and meaningful relationships. Because there is no depth and meaning, people feel lonely within crowds. So, what do deep and meaningful relationships make a person feel? Especially, you feel safe next to that person. You can open up to them about a topic you can't share with anyone else. A certainty arises within you that no wrong behavior will come from them; a sense of trust develops. The equivalent of such relationships in our culture is the word 'dost' (close friend). For example, in English, there isn't an exact equivalent for this word. 'Friend' is used, but it doesn't fully cover deep friendship or camaraderie. In Turkish, however, the word 'dost' covers it. But today, we are experiencing a semantic shift in this word too. We see everyone being called 'my dost,' but when you look closely, most of these relationships are superficial. Therefore, the remedy for this type of loneliness, its most fundamental condition and most valuable area, is close relationships and experiences. First-degree relatives… In our culture, when the bonds with mother, father, siblings, and family are strong, a significant portion of this need is met.”
“Honesty is a fundamental characteristic everyone should possess”
Tarhan emphasized that trust is built with love and healthy cooperation, stating that the weakening of honesty is the most erosive factor in friendships. Tarhan said: “A relationship of trust means love plus healthy cooperation. When these two come together, trust emerges. Honesty is extremely important here. Honesty is indispensable in a trust relationship. If you have a relative who constantly lies to you, how can you trust them? Lying has reached such a point that today honesty has virtually become a virtue. Yet, honesty is actually a fundamental characteristic that everyone should possess. Even saying ‘What an honest man he is’ about someone shows how much this situation has deteriorated. The thing that most weakens friendship is precisely this weakening of honesty and the spread of lies. For example, I observe this through cultures as well. Mediterranean cultures, countries like Italy and Spain, are close to our culture, but Northern Europe, especially Germany and other Northern European countries, are much further ahead of us in terms of honesty. They are much more sensitive to lies and stand by their word more. This is actually a culture they adopted from the Umayyad Caliphate of Al-Andalus. They adopted it, preserved it, while we abandoned it over time. This understanding is called Lutheran Protestant ethics. It began with the understanding of being honest, being a good person, and being diligent for religious reasons, and over time it lost its religious dimension and became a culture. For example, in Germany, rules are sacred. There's a similar understanding in our military, where it's said, ‘Even if it rains, you will water the garden.’ This logic also exists in Germany; rules have virtually been sanctified. Such a system has been formed. However, the digital system disrupts, or rather, has disrupted this structure. Digitalization has encouraged relationships to become fake relationships.”
“What they are actually experiencing is a feeling of emotional emptiness”
Tarhan stated that when secure attachment relationships are not established within the family, young people turn to the digital world, expressing that unmet attachment needs underlie behavioral addictions. Tarhan said: “If there isn't a secure relationship within the family, for example, if a person doesn't have quality time where they can sit and talk with their mother, father, brother, or sister, their need for attachment is not met. When this need is not met, the individual goes and attaches to technology. They develop behavioral addiction, turn to substances, and similar situations arise. So, what is the fundamental human need behind all of this? The need for attachment. When the need for attachment is not met, the brain continues to seek it. Because our brain desires relationships. When it cannot find a good and secure relationship, it enters the internet. There, in an environment where individuals are not held accountable to each other, where being visible is glorified, and where a false dopamine, or pleasure cycle, is intense, the person finds momentary relief. However, in the medium and long term, they lose out. In contrast, if there is a secure environment at home and family relationships are warm and healthy, a young person does not get caught up in substances, is not drawn into bad peer relationships, and does not become enslaved by the digital world. When we look at those who are enslaved by the digital world, we see that most of them use digital means as a stress reduction technique. Like a method of relief… What they are actually experiencing is a feeling of emotional emptiness.”
“It consumed our time capital, destroyed our attention skills”
Tarhan stated that digitalization leads individuals into an invisible captivity, emphasizing that the loss of the sense of control severely weakens time and attention management. Tarhan said: “Just as one can be a captive of substance, digital captivity also emerges. In the digital age, youth face the risk of loneliness and addiction. This is called digital captivity. It means that digital technology now controls the person. Of course, these individuals are often unaware of this. Especially in digital usage, if a person can stop themselves once they realize it, they have not yet lost control. The sense of control is extremely important here. It's possible to use technology without surrendering to it. There's internal control and external control. With internal control, the person manages themselves, they have a goal, a plan. They plan their day, they plan a week ahead, and manage their time accordingly. Just like financial management, they manage their time. However, these individuals become unable to manage their time. Aristotle even has a wonderful example. He sees his students playing a game on the ground with small stones, like a game of chance, and he gets angry at them. He asks, ‘Why are you playing?’ His students say, ‘Master, we're playing for small stakes.’ Upon this, Aristotle says, ‘My child, I'm not angry with you for gaining or losing money; I'm angry about the time you are wasting. I'm angry at that.’ At the point we've reached today, digitalization has truly become one of the greatest enemies. It has become a time killer, an attention killer. It killed two concepts. It consumed our time capital, destroyed our attention skills.”
“Instead of changing the world, first change ourselves…”
Tarhan, addressing the fundamental components of psychological immunity, explained that the PERMA Model, developed in positive psychology, strengthens an individual's mental resilience. Tarhan said: “The model of the psychological immune system is a five-item model developed in positive psychology and called the PERMA Model. The first is Positive Emotion. This is not positive thinking but a positive emotional state. It's the ability to feel positive even if a negative event occurs. A person should be able to be happy even in prison and know not to be spoiled when in a palace. This is called authentic happiness. That is, the ability to be happy in any environment. The second is engagement. When a person gets engrossed in studying for a lesson, hours pass, and they don't realize how time has flown. If you don't notice time flying by while doing a job, sport, or art you love, this is called the flow state in Turkish. A person who can achieve the flow state has also attained the second dimension of psychological resilience. The third is relationships. Being able to form deep and meaningful relationships, having quality relationships… This is one of the fundamental pillars of a very powerful model developed by Seligman. The fourth is meaning. It is having a clear and definite meaning and purpose in one's life. If a person has meaning and purpose in life, they manage their psychological capital and psychological resources better. The fifth is accomplishment, or small achievements. Let's take this as small achievements in Turkish. Not big achievements. The capitalist system aims for big achievements, whereas the point here is to be happy with ordinary things. Being healthy when you wake up in the morning, being able to go to work, enjoying drinking tea… It is about changing ourselves first, instead of changing the world.”
“One must be open to change and new experiences”
Tarhan stated that the life scenarios people create in childhood directly affect relationships, adding that healthy relationships are possible with mental flexibility open to change. Tarhan said: “From a young age, we all accumulate life scenarios. These scenarios are formed with memories, experiences, stories, and settle into our developing souls like seeds. For example, let's say a person grows up, finishes university, gets married. New friendships are made. This time, new actors are added to the life scenarios learned in childhood: a spouse comes, a mother-in-law comes, a father-in-law comes. As the actors change, the scenario must also change. If a person says, ‘My father was such a person, my husband must be exactly like that,’ it means they fail to rewrite their life scenario. If they cannot rewrite their life scenario from scratch, the relationship eventually ends. The fundamental reason for relationships ending is the inability of individuals to rewrite the life scenarios they learned in childhood according to new actors. This is a mental skill and also an investment. One must be open to change and new experiences. Such people rewrite the scenario according to the actors, neither oppressing nor being oppressed. They can establish a balanced and harmonious relationship. However, for this, one must definitely be open to self-development. Those who say, ‘I am perfect, I am good, I won't change, everyone else should change,’ ultimately end up alone.”
“The virtual world is not a simple matter”
Tarhan, drawing attention to the effects of digitalization on young people, stated that the increase in adolescent suicides globally represents a serious alarm. Tarhan said: “Currently, there is a very serious global alarm regarding digital restriction. Because concerning youth, when we look at statistics from the US between 2000 and 2025, we see that suicide cases among young people have increased by 734 percent. Adolescent suicides… And when we look at why, digitalization appears to be one of the biggest factors here. It causes the very rapid spread of negativity, and this situation is considered a global threat for young people. In contrast, the role of parents is extremely important. For example, currently, the use of tablets and smartphones for children aged 0-3 is strictly prohibited in Northern European countries. In our country, it is still free. In Turkey, no decision has yet emerged from the Ministry of National Education on this matter. Yet, babies are fed and kept occupied by giving them tablets or smartphones. It is even observed that children make swiping gestures even in their sleep. This situation shapes the child's world of thought, their imagination. This thing we call virtual is not a simple matter. In a child's brain, in their imagination, these contents are perceived as real. Because the brain cannot distinguish between imagination and reality. Since abstract thinking skills have not yet developed, they mistake what they see for reality. The brain is written accordingly, and this is extremely dangerous. This is why it has been strictly prohibited for ages 0-3. After that, usage is age-dependent. It is used restrictively on weekends, not during school time, and for specific purposes. Furthermore, legal regulations have been introduced in some countries, depending on age, determining whether one can open an account in their own name after 13, in some after 15, and in others after 16 years of age.”
“If we constantly play the role of being happy, we only deceive ourselves”
Tarhan, criticizing the 'likes-focused' life philosophy in the digital world, emphasized that being consistent and natural, not popular, is the true measure of value. Tarhan said: “Today, the ‘like’ metric is not a measure of worth for a person. However, in the digital world, approval is currently perceived as if it were a measure of worth. An understanding has developed that the more likes you have, the more valuable you are. Yet, this is not a true measure of worth. What is valuable is not being popular but being consistent. If a person is consistent, they are the winner in the medium and long term. Therefore, we advise young people to aim for consistency, not popularity. Being liked is not a measure of worth. We don't have to look happy all the time. Sometimes we can be sad, sometimes hurt. Being natural is much smarter than constantly trying to look happy. Because we are human, not wood, not robots. We can be sad. The important thing is to be able to emerge stronger when we overcome that sadness. If we constantly play the role of being happy, we only deceive ourselves. In this era, with digitalization, another important issue is the pressure to look beautiful. The global consumer economy has created a very powerful area of influence, and adolescents are most affected by this. This situation has now become a global threat and has led to an increase in many psychiatric cases. In such an environment, if we want to raise a child who has meaning and purpose, has a strong but healthy relationship with digital technology, let them use digital technology but not surrender to it. If we can achieve this, our children will also succeed. Let's not be afraid at all.”