President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the online talk titled “Youth Psychology in the Digital Age: Loneliness, Addiction, and Success”, organized by the Kocaeli Provincial Directorate of National Education and the Gebze 23 Nisan Bilim ve Sanat Center. Addressing the effects of digitalization on the psychological world of young people, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan drew attention to the increasing sense of loneliness, digital addiction, the weakening of trust based and honesty-based relationships, the importance of attachment relationships within the family, and the strengthening of psychological resilience. Tarhan emphasized that prioritizing consistency over popularity, conscious use over digital surrender, and supporting a sense of meaning and purpose are decisive factors for the mental health of young people. He also stated, “It is possible to use technology without surrendering to it.”
The online talk attracted great interest.
“What makes people happy are deep and meaningful relationships”
Drawing attention to the superficialization of relationships in the modern age, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the main reason for the feeling of loneliness experienced in crowds is the weakening of deep and meaningful relationships. Tarhan said: “Loneliness within crowds… There are currently many virtual relationships, but these relationships are not deep or meaningful. However, what makes people happy are deep and meaningful relationships. Because there is no depth and meaning, people feel lonely even in crowds. Thus, what do deep and meaningful relationships make a person feel? Especially, you feel safe when you are with that person. You can open up about an issue that you cannot share with anyone else. You develop an inner certainty that no wrong behavior will come from them, and a sense of trust emerges. In our culture, the equivalent of such relationships is the word ‘dost’. For example, there is no exact equivalent of this word in English. The word ‘friend’ is used, but it does not fully convey deep friendship or companionship. In Turkish, however, the word ‘dost’ captures this meaning. Yet today, we are experiencing a shift in the meaning of this word as well. We see that everyone is called ‘my friend’, but when you look closely, most of these relationships are superficial. For this reason, the remedy for such loneliness lies in close relationships and lived experiences, which are the most fundamental and valuable areas. First degree relatives… In our culture, when bonds with parents, siblings, and family are strong, a significant part of this need is fulfilled.”
“Honesty is a fundamental trait that everyone should have”
Emphasizing that trust is built through love and healthy cooperation, Tarhan stated that the weakening of honesty is the factor that damages friendships the most. He said: “A trust relationship means love plus healthy cooperation. When these two come together, trust emerges. Honesty is extremely important here. In a trust relationship, honesty is indispensable. If you have someone close to you who constantly lies, how can you trust them? Lies have reached such a point today that honesty has almost become a virtue. However, honesty is actually a fundamental trait that everyone should have. Even saying about someone, ‘What an honest man,’ shows how much this has deteriorated. The thing that weakens friendship the most is precisely this weakening of honesty and the widespread nature of lying. For example, I observe this across cultures as well. Mediterranean cultures such as Italy and Spain are close to our culture, but Northern Europe, especially Germany and other Northern European countries, are far ahead of us in terms of honesty. They are much more sensitive to lying and stand more firmly behind their promises. This is actually a culture they inherited from Al Andalus. They adopted it and preserved it, whereas we gradually abandoned it. This understanding is referred to as Lutheran Protestant ethics. It began with religious motivations such as being honest, being a good person, and being hardworking, and over time it lost its religious dimension and became a culture. For example, in Germany, rules are sacred. There is a similar understanding in our military. It is said, ‘You will water the garden even if it rains.’ The same logic exists in Germany. Rules are almost sanctified. Such a system has formed. However, the digital system disrupts this structure, in fact it has already disrupted it. Digitalization has encouraged relationships to become artificial relationships.”
“What they are actually experiencing is a sense of emotional emptiness”
Stating that young people turn to the digital world when secure attachment relationships are not established within the family, Tarhan emphasized that unmet attachment needs lie at the core of behavioral addictions. Tarhan said: “If there is no secure relationship within the family, for example if there is no qualified togetherness where a young person can sit and talk with their mother, father, sibling, older brother or sister, then the need for attachment is not met. When this need is not met, the individual turns to technology. Behavioral addictions develop, substance use may occur, and similar situations emerge. So what is the fundamental human need behind all of this? The need for attachment. When the need for attachment is not met, the brain continues to search for it. Because our brain seeks relationships. When it cannot find a good and secure relationship, it enters the internet. There, in an environment where there is no mutual accountability, where visibility is glorified, and where a fake dopamine, meaning pleasure cycle, is intense, the person experiences momentary relief. However, in the medium and long term, they lose. In contrast, if there is a secure environment at home and family relationships are warm and healthy, a young person does not turn to substances, is not drawn into harmful peer relationships, and does not become a captive of the digital world. When we look at those who become captives of the digital world, we see that most of them use digital tools as a stress reduction technique. Like a method of relaxation. What they are actually experiencing is a sense of emotional emptiness.”
“It consumed our time capital and destroyed our attention skills”
Stating that digitalization drags individuals into an invisible captivity, Tarhan emphasized that the loss of a sense of control seriously weakens time and attention management. Tarhan said: “Just as there is substance captivity, a form of digital captivity has also emerged. In the digital age, young people are facing the risk of loneliness and addiction. This is called digital captivity. In other words, the individual is now being managed by the digital. Of course, most of the time people are not aware of this. Especially in digital use, if a person can stop themselves once they become aware, they have not yet lost control. The sense of control is extremely important here. It is possible to use technology without surrendering to it. There is internal control and external control. With internal control, a person manages themselves, has a goal and a plan. They plan their day, plan a week ahead, and manage their time accordingly. Just like financial management, they also manage their time. However, these individuals eventually become unable to manage their time. Aristotle has a very beautiful example. He sees his students playing a game on the ground with small stones, like a game of chance, and he gets angry and asks them why they are playing. The students say, ‘Master, we are playing small.’ Aristotle responds, ‘My children, I am not angry because you are winning or losing money. I am angry because of the time you are wasting.’ At the point we have reached today, digitalization has truly become one of the greatest enemies. It has become a time killer and an attention killer. It has killed two concepts. It consumed our time capital and destroyed our attention skills.”
“Instead of changing the world, first change ourselves”
Referring to the core components of psychological immunity, Tarhan explained that the PERMA Model developed in positive psychology strengthens an individual’s psychological resilience. Tarhan said: “The model of the psychological immune system is a five-component model developed in positive psychology and called the PERMA Model. The first is Positive Emotion. This does not mean positive thinking, but a positive emotional state. It means being able to feel positive even when a negative event occurs. A person should be able to remain happy even in prison and know not to become spoiled when living in a palace. This is called authentic happiness, meaning the ability to be happy in any environment. The second is engagement. When a person studies a lesson, they become absorbed in it, hours pass and they do not realize how time has gone by. If you do not notice time passing while doing a job, a sport, or an art form you love, this is called the state of flow in Turkish. A person who can achieve this state of flow has also attained the second dimension of psychological resilience. The third is relationships. Being able to establish deep and meaningful relationships, having high quality and meaningful connections. This is one of the core pillars of the very powerful model developed by Seligman. The fourth is meaning. Having a clear and definite sense of meaning and purpose in life. If a person has meaning and purpose, they manage their psychological capital and psychological resources more effectively. The fifth is accomplishment, which we can define in Turkish as small achievements. Not big successes. The capitalist system focuses on major achievements, whereas the real issue here is being able to find happiness in ordinary things. Waking up in the morning healthy, being able to go to work, enjoying a cup of tea. Instead of changing the world, first changing ourselves.”
“One must be open to change and new experiences”
Stating that the life scripts people form in childhood directly affect their relationships, Tarhan said that healthy relationships are only possible with mental flexibility that is open to change. Tarhan said: “From a very young age, we all accumulate life scripts. These scripts are formed through memories, experiences, and stories, and they settle into our developing inner world like seeds. For example, a person grows up, graduates from university, and gets married. New friendships are formed. New actors are added to the life scripts learned in childhood. A spouse enters the picture, then a mother-in-law, a father in law. As the actors change, the script must also change. If a person says, ‘My father was this kind of person, so my husband must be exactly the same,’ it means they have failed to rewrite their life script. If they cannot rewrite their life script from the beginning, the relationship eventually ends. The main reason relationships end is that people fail to rewrite the life scripts they learned in childhood according to new actors. This is a mental skill and at the same time an investment. One must be open to change and new experiences. Such people rewrite the script according to the actors, they neither dominate nor submit. They can establish a balanced and harmonious relationship. However, for this to happen, one must be open to self-development. Those who say, ‘I am perfect, I am fine, I do not change, everyone else should change,’ eventually end up alone.”
“The virtual world is not a simple issue”
Drawing attention to the effects of digitalization on young people, Tarhan stated that the increase in adolescent suicides constitutes a serious global alarm. Tarhan said: “There is currently a very serious global alarm regarding digital restriction. Because when we look at statistics conducted in the United States between 2000 and 2025, we see that suicide cases among young people increased by 734 percent. Adolescent suicides. When we ask why, digitalization appears as one of the biggest factors. It causes negativity to spread very rapidly, and this situation is accepted as a global threat for young people. In this context, the role of parents is extremely important. For example, in Northern European countries, the use of tablets and smartphones for children aged 0 to 3 has been strictly banned. In our country, it is still allowed. In Türkiye, a decision at the level of the Ministry of National Education has still not been made. Babies are fed by putting tablets or smartphones in their hands, simply to keep them occupied. It has even been observed that children make scrolling movements while asleep. This shapes the child’s world of thought and imagination. What we call the virtual world is not a simple matter. In a child’s brain and imagination, these contents are perceived as real. Because the brain cannot distinguish between imagination and reality. Since abstract thinking skills have not yet developed, what is seen is perceived as real. The brain is shaped accordingly, and this is extremely dangerous. That is why the 0 to 3 age group has been strictly banned. After that, usage is determined according to age. It is not used during school time, is limited to weekends, and is purpose oriented. In addition, depending on age, some countries have introduced legal regulations on whether individuals can open accounts in their own name after the age of 13, in some cases 15, and in others 16.”
“If we constantly play the role of being happy, we only deceive ourselves”
Criticizing the approval driven lifestyle in the digital world, Tarhan emphasized that true value lies not in popularity but in consistency and authenticity. Tarhan said: “Today, the number of likes is not a measure of a person’s value. However, in the digital world, approval is perceived as if it were the measure of worth. An understanding has emerged that the more likes you have, the more valuable you are. But this is not a real measure of value. What is valuable is not being popular but being consistent. A consistent person is the one who wins in the medium and long term. For this reason, we advise young people to aim for consistency rather than popularity. Being liked is not a measure of worth. We do not have to look happy all the time. We may sometimes feel sad or hurt. Being natural is far wiser than constantly trying to look happy. Because we are human, not wood, not robots. We can feel sad. What matters is being able to overcome that sadness and emerge stronger. If we constantly play the role of being happy, we only deceive ourselves. Another important issue in this age, together with digitalization, is the pressure to look beautiful. There is a very powerful sphere of influence created by the global consumer economy, and adolescents are the most affected by this. This situation has now become a global threat and has led to an increase in many psychiatric cases. In such an environment, if we want to raise a child who has meaning and purpose, who has a strong but healthy relationship with the digital world, we should let them use digital technology but not surrender to it. If we can achieve this, our children will also succeed. We should not be afraid.”