Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, said that the concept of privacy should be explained to children appropriately starting from the age of two.
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating the importance of privacy education in child development, emphasizes that children must be taught their social boundaries. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan points out that not setting boundaries for children will lead to problems in their future social relationships, and warned, “There is an empathy erosion in the world. Empathy erosion occurs when behavioral and responsibility boundaries are not learned.” Tarhan, also drawing attention to 'abandonment without distance', emphasizes that children's tablet use for entertainment and games should not exceed 21 hours per week.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, pointing out the importance of teaching children behavioral boundaries, said, “A child starts walking, especially after three years of age, begins to break away from home and socialize. During that period, since there is contact with other people, they need to learn behavioral boundaries. Parents' guidance is absolutely necessary for them to learn where to stop and where to say no to others.”
Privacy education should be given by parents
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that parents should provide privacy education, saying, “Privacy education should not be given by other people. Mothers, fathers, or those who act in their place should provide it. It is also called 'private zone education' for children. Privacy education is teaching a child that no one else can touch their private body parts without their permission. When explaining private areas to children, it shouldn't be like explaining sexuality; children cannot understand that. It should be in the style of 'it's not right even for me to touch the areas covered by your underwear unless you give permission.' For example, a mother bathes her child. From that age, children should be taught to bathe themselves. Let the child wash those areas of their body themselves. The child learns that those areas are private, even unknowingly. For example, some people pet a child on their bottom. A child whose bottom is petted perceives and learns that area as a pleasure zone in the brain,” he warned.
Good touch and bad touch should be taught
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that children should be taught that they have private areas on their bodies and that no one can touch these areas without their permission, saying, “There are also the concepts of good touch and bad touch. Good touches are those that please and comfort the person. A bad touch, on the other hand, is a touch that the person does not like. If someone makes a touch that the child doesn't like and says, ‘Don’t tell anyone this secret,’ we will say that is not a good touch, it is a bad touch. It is important to inform the child in a way that says, ‘If someone touches you and says, -Don't tell this secret-, it's not a secret; you must come and tell immediately.’ When we say this, because the child learns it at a young age, awareness is created,” he said.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that studies show cases of child sexual abuse usually come from first-degree relatives in 70-80% of cases, adding, “It can be from people who constantly visit the home.”
It is necessary to teach behavioral boundaries
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted the importance of teaching a child the ability to say no at a young age, stating, “We call this safe behavior. It is also necessary to teach behavioral boundaries. Teaching that one should not enter the parents' bedroom at night without knocking on the door is also part of social boundaries. Parents should also show respect for the child's private space when showing affection. If we teach this, the child learns to protect themselves. Generally, children learn through imitation-repetition methods until the age of 6. They usually imitate what they see. After that, a sense of autonomy gradually develops, and they become themselves in adolescence.”
Not setting boundaries leads to empathy erosion
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that setting boundaries for children facilitates their adaptation to social life in the future, drawing attention to the concept of empathy erosion. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan continued his words as follows:
“The child tries to be the small ruler of the house. Everyone likes it. The house becomes a kind of child-centric home. It’s nice until the age of five, six, or ten, but after that, because the child never learns to set boundaries for their behavior, they develop with the feeling that the world always revolves around them, and the child becomes narcissistic. There is an empathy erosion in the world. Empathy erosion occurs when behavioral and responsibility boundaries are not learned. What does empathy erosion mean? It is not being able to see the boundary between one's own rights and the rights of others. Empathy erosion exists in people who cannot distinguish between the feelings and needs of others and their own feelings and needs. The sense of entitlement is self-directed. They see themselves as special, important, superior. Living with such a person is like getting into the same sack with a cat. It constantly scratches.”
Parental attitudes must be balanced
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that parental attitudes should be balanced, saying, “The problem of saying no occurs in children who are very suppressed. Children raised with very loose discipline, without limits and irresponsibly, are raised in an egocentric way, as if the world revolves around them. In other children, there is strict discipline. In strict discipline, the child is constantly raised with phrases like ‘Don’t do that, don’t touch there, don’t do this.’ Even things the child should do are done by the mother. In such situations, the child thinks, ‘I can’t do it, I can’t succeed.’ When someone does something to them, they can’t say ‘No.’ They think they won’t be loved if they say ‘No.’
However, a child should be able to say no even to their parents. A child who is reacted to for asking questions or objecting at home becomes passive and fearful. A child without self-confidence becomes socially phobic,” he said.
Child's bed should be separated after 1 year of age
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that a child's bed must be separated after they reach one year of age, warning, “Their room should also be separated when they turn six. Girls and boys should not be put in the same room. After the age of six, two boys should not be in the same bed or room either.”
Beware of abandonment without distance!
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that not only the child's basic needs but also their emotional needs must be met, saying, “Motherhood and fatherhood do not just mean meeting a child's basic needs. It is necessary to pay attention to the concept of abandonment without distance. What is in abandonment without distance? The mother and father are in the same house, meeting the child's basic needs, changing diapers, feeding them. After that, the mother devotes herself to work. The father has a television or phone in hand, and the child is left alone, sleeps alone. Or they give the child a tablet, which we call a cheap babysitter. The child spends the whole day there.”
21 hours per week should not be exceeded
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that children should also learn digital privacy, saying, “It is necessary to determine a period for giving the tablet to the child. We recommend that tablet use for entertainment and games does not exceed twenty-one hours per week. Here, we recommend that the child watches films with their mother or father. The child will interpret what they watch with their parents. They will learn to ask questions. Don't be afraid if the child asks questions. If there is a child who doesn't ask questions, we are very worried about that. A child who asks questions has a desire to learn and is not afraid of being reprimanded when asking questions. A child who asks questions learns easily. It is very important to answer the child's questions and listen to the child well.
What the child says should be taken seriously
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also noted that what the child says should be taken seriously, stating, “From time to time, in unpleasant situations, in situations that should not happen, in situations that disturb the child, or when they have been abused, it is necessary to truly listen to the child, take them seriously, believe them, and support them for this. It is necessary not to cover it up.
In such situations, listening to the child is of great importance,” he said.