Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that forgiveness liberates a person both mentally and physically, saying, “Forgiveness is not only a spiritual or philosophical concept; it is a neurobiological process. It regulates the brain’s stress system and balances cortisol secretion.”
Tarhan added, “We now know that forgiveness heals not only the soul but also the body.”
President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, discussed forgiveness and the psychology of forgiveness on the program Nevzat Tarhan ile Akla Ziyan, broadcast on EKOTÜRK.
Revenge behavior is dominant in immature personalities
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that people can develop three different reactions toward an event or person that makes them feel bad: revenge, avoidance, or forgiveness. He said, “In immature personalities, revenge behavior is dominant. A reaction such as ‘If they did it to me, I will do it back’ emerges. In weak and avoidant personalities, the person distances themselves from the event and withdraws into isolation. Both extremes disrupt psychological balance. In forgiveness, however, the person analyzes the event, thinks ‘How much of this am I responsible for and how much am I not?’ and tries to accept the process.”
Inability to forgive creates a biological burden
Emphasizing that forgiveness is not only a psychological process but also has a neurobiological effect that strengthens the immune system, Prof. Tarhan said, “Grudge, anger, hatred, jealousy, and hostility are the ‘five dark horsemen’ of the brain. When these emotions are activated, acidic chemicals are secreted in the brain. This weakens the immune system and increases stress hormones. The stomach and intestinal system are affected the most, and skin disorders are seen in depressive individuals. Chronic stress, in the long term, lays the groundwork for serious illnesses such as cancer.”
Not forgiving is arrogance
Drawing attention to the fact that some personality structures are resistant to forgiveness, Prof. Tarhan stated that individuals with narcissistic and paranoid tendencies are among those who have the greatest difficulty forgiving. He said, “Not forgiving is arrogance. People with narcissistic personality disorder perceive criticism as injustice, hold grudges, and take pride in not forgetting. For them, forgiveness is weakness. However, chronic stress is very high in these individuals, and it is not possible to live long with such a mental burden. Paranoid personalities similarly perceive criticism as a threat. These individuals cannot forget, cannot forgive, and constantly keep score. This situation, known as ‘camel grudge,’ damages relationships and destroys trust.”
If forgiveness is not possible, acceptance is necessary
Prof. Tarhan stated that forgiveness is not always possible, especially in cases such as betrayal, infidelity, or injustice, but that a person can reduce their mental burden through “radical acceptance.” He said, “Sometimes the other party does not apologize, and there may be nothing to forgive. In this case, the person can say, ‘Yes, I was treated unfairly. I cannot forgive, but I accept it.’ This is an emotional closure. The person puts the event into a box, places it on a shelf, and continues with their life. In this way, it becomes possible to forget without forgiving.”
Injustices experienced in childhood leave trauma
Prof. Tarhan stated that injustices experienced in childhood leave lasting marks throughout a person’s life, saying, “In one incident, a child who was beaten is taken to the police station, and because the perpetrator is a high ranking individual, the child is forced to apologize. The child, having wet themselves, is made to kiss the hand. This event remains in the child’s mind like a photograph. However, in later years, this child may develop a strong sensitivity to injustice. Trauma can sometimes trigger personality maturation.”
Forgiveness liberates the individual
Prof. Tarhan stated that forgiveness liberates a person both mentally and physically and said, “Forgiveness means breaking free from the chains of the past. When a person forgives, they liberate themselves. A person who does not forgive becomes a prisoner of the past event. Even if the event is over, the mind relives it repeatedly. Therefore, forgiveness is not only a virtue but also the greatest investment a person can make in their own health.”
Forgiveness has an antidepressant effect
Prof. Tarhan stated that forgiveness not only repairs relationships but also lightens a person’s psychological burden, drawing attention to its antidepressant effect on the brain. He said, “The person who forgives releases the burden within and becomes free. According to social bonding theory, forgiveness rebuilds trust and strengthens social bonds. Psychologically, it reduces anxiety and depressive burden.”
Stating that unresolved grief and incomplete trauma are observed in people who cannot forgive, Prof. Tarhan said, “When a person cannot forgive, they relive the trauma again and again. This is like an open file in the brain. As long as it is not closed, it slows the mind and emotionally exhausts the person.”
Forgiveness does not only mean absolving the other party
Stating that forgiveness is not only about absolving the other party but also a process of radical acceptance and self forgiveness, Prof. Tarhan said, “For a person to forgive themselves, they must first have self awareness. If a person attributes every event to others and constantly says ‘they made the mistake, they should apologize,’ they cannot complete the forgiveness process. However, a person who analyzes the event and sees their own share can turn trauma into an opportunity.”
Prof. Tarhan stated that forgiveness also facilitates reconciliation and restructuring in relationships and said, “If an investment is made in a relationship, through forgiveness it is possible for hatred to turn into love and resentment into trust. This is a result of emotional regulation.”
Drawing attention to the neurobiological effect of sincerity in the forgiveness process, Prof. Tarhan concluded by saying, “There is a neurobiology of sincerity. Mirror neurons regulate our emotional literacy. People with high empathy feel the other person. However, excessive empathy lowers self esteem. If self perception drops too low, depression develops; if it rises too high, narcissism develops. People who can establish this balance form healthy bonds.”
One aspect of forgiveness is self compassion
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that forgiveness creates emotional vulnerability in a person, but when this vulnerability is managed correctly, it becomes one of the most effective ways to resolve trauma. He said, “A person who cannot forgive is unable to close the emotional file between the past and the present.”
Emphasizing that one aspect of forgiveness is also self compassion, Prof. Tarhan said, “If a person immediately tends to blame themselves when they are treated unfairly, it means they have not developed self compassion. Self compassion includes the value of ‘common humanity.’ There is no flawless human being. The ability to make mistakes is uniquely human. If a person can ask, ‘What did this mistake teach me?’ they see not the threat dimension but the opportunity dimension. People who can transform their mistakes are able to turn negative emotions into positive ones.”
When a person constantly relives the event in their mind, cortisol secretion increases
Explaining that many people who cannot forgive project the emotional burdens they carry from the past onto the first situations they encounter, Prof. Tarhan said, “If a person shows disproportionate anger in traffic, it means they are carrying emotional garbage on their back. They unload their accumulated anger onto the first person they encounter. This is also the psychology behind the culture of lynching.”
Touching on the physical effects of not forgiving, Prof. Tarhan said, “When a person constantly relives the event in their mind, cortisol secretion increases. The brain releases ACTH and stimulates the adrenal glands. Cortisol is pumped, and the body enters fight mode: vascular resistance increases, muscles contract, and blood pressure rises. Some people respond with a flight reaction; blood vessels relax and blood pressure drops. There are even people who die from sudden stress shock. In forensic medicine, deaths in which no trauma is found are often related to a cortisol storm.”
Forgiveness differs by gender
Drawing attention to the biological foundations of forgiveness differences between genders, Prof. Tarhan said, “Women and men release different hormones under stress. In women, oxytocin secretion increases, which creates calmness and compassion. In men, vasopressin secretion increases; it constricts blood vessels and triggers leadership and protective behavior. Women are more traumatic in inner relationships, men in external relationships. These genetic roles also explain differences in forgiveness.”
Forgiveness as a balance between revenge and avoidance
Stating that ignoring can be a defensive form of forgiveness, Prof. Tarhan said, “Distancing oneself is avoidance behavior. If a person says, ‘This person is not even worth being upset about,’ this is a form of trauma resolution. But if the person constantly thinks about the event, that becomes isolation. Forgiveness is a balance between revenge and avoidance. Revenge destroys society and damages social relationships. If a person keeps their anger alive for days, the greatest harm is done to themselves.”
Prof. Tarhan stated that forgiveness also carries a message based on love and value, saying, “Forgiveness conveys the message, ‘You matter to me, you are valuable.’ If the other person is capable of empathy, this strengthens bonds. However, people with weak compassion and a weak sense of shame cannot forgive. They take pleasure in causing pain to others.”
Emphasizing that in recent years forgiveness has moved beyond being merely a moral or religious issue and has become a field of neuroscientific study, Prof. Tarhan said, “Forgiveness is not only a spiritual or philosophical concept; it is a neurobiological process. It regulates the brain’s stress system and balances cortisol secretion. In the last ten years, many scientific publications on forgiveness have been produced. Because we now know that forgiveness heals not only the soul but also the body.”
Forgiveness is a virtue learned both in the family and in society
Drawing attention to the fact that forgiveness is a virtue learned both at the family and societal levels, Prof. Tarhan said, “Just as a child takes forgiving parents as role models within the family, the same applies to society. If the leader is forgiving, society becomes forgiving; if the leader is resentful, society becomes resentful. In other words, forgiveness and hostility are both contagious. Role model figures have a major impact on the shaping of social values.”