At the 6th International Positive Psychology Congress, organized with the theme of 'Positive Psychology in Interpersonal Relationships' and attended by world-renowned scientists, "Guest of Honor" Dr. Tayyab Rashid from the University of Melbourne discussed the topic of "Trajectories of Positive Relationships."
Dr. Tayyab Rashid pointed out that research shows 97 percent of people have at least one secret in their relationships, and individuals, on average, have 13 secrets, stating that the cost of a long-kept secret can be heavy. Emphasizing the importance of open and transparent communication between couples, Rashid added that a self-revealing secret can have a bomb effect.
The 6th International Positive Psychology Congress, organized this year by Üsküdar Üniversitesi in partnership with NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi, NP Etiler & Feneryolu Tıp Merkezi, the Turkish Psychological Counseling and Guidance Association, and the Positive Psychology Institute, has concluded. The congress, which hosted global experts working in the field and lasted for two days at Üsküdar Üniversitesi Main Campus Nermin Tarhan Conference Hall, had "Positive Psychology in Interpersonal Relationships" as its theme this year.
"Guest of Honor" Dr. Tayyab Rashid from the University of Melbourne discussed positive relationships
The "Guest of Honor" of the congress, Dr. Tayyab Rashid from the University of Melbourne, addressed the topic of "Trajectories of Positive Relationships." Dr. Rashid stated that if emotions are not shared in relationships, pleasure is not derived from the relationship, which negatively affects relationships, and he evaluated the impact of secrets kept by partners from each other. Rashid said, "Research shows that 97% of people have at least one secret in their relationships. On average, individuals have 13 secrets. Parties generally tend to keep their secrets from each other because they think sharing would negatively affect their relationship. They worry that sharing a secret with their partner would make them vulnerable or that their partner's reaction would be destructive. For this reason, secrets are not shared."
The cost of a long-kept secret is heavy…
However, Dr. Tayyab Rashid noted that contrary to expectations, research shows that sharing a secret with a partner often leads to more understanding than anticipated, emphasizing that the cost of keeping a secret for a long time will be heavier.
A self-revealing secret has a bomb effect
Pointing out the importance of open communication in relationships, Dr. Tayyab Rashid stated that happiness cannot be built solely by discussing positive things; the ability to discuss difficult topics and share them with a partner also has a significant communication-strengthening effect.
Dr. Tayyab Rashid said, "When secrets reveal themselves, they create a bomb effect. However, if parties share that secret through open communication, they give the partner time to digest it. Sharing brings parties closer together. This way, expectations can be controlled, and trust is built. Expectations are recalibrated. Everyone can have vulnerable and weak sides. The way a secret is shared is also very important here. If it is shared within a safe framework, it strengthens the relationship. We mentioned sharing the secret within a safe framework. One of the methods for this could be outdoor activities, nature walks, which can provide opportunities for detailed conversations..." Dr. Tayyab Rashid, explaining the importance of "empathic listening" between parties, added, "If vulnerabilities and sorrows are not shared, the relationship cannot strengthen. The accumulation of secrets and keeping secrets is not healthy..."
"Growing and developing together in marriages, relational self-development is important"
Dr. Tayyab Rashid noted that people change and develop compared to the previous year, stating, "The person we are this year will not be the person we were last year. We must learn to love a constantly changing person. People change. Research shows that passionate loves are more fragile. It is difficult to maintain healthy passionate relationships and passionate feelings. Passion may decrease over time… Again, research shows a striking result: half of divorces occur not in high-conflict relationships, but on the contrary, in low-conflict relationships. So, the primary reason for divorces is not conflicts, but rather the absence of romantic passion. Therefore, participating in new and exciting experiences together in relationships is very important. In marriages, growing and developing together, relational self-development is important. Personal development and relational development should be together and integrated." Dr. Tayyab Rashid also emphasized the importance of knowing, understanding, and recognizing one's partner in relationships, saying, "Open communication is also important here. Build a relationship with your partner regarding your personal experiences. Be kind and caring in all situations. Talk about the positive aspects of your relationship."
Sometimes having too much time is a stress factor!
Dr. Tayyab Rashid, also drawing attention to the lack of time for well-being, stated that research shows that not the lack of time, but the inefficient use of time can cause stress for positive relationships. Rashid used the expression, "Sometimes having too much time can be a stress factor..." Dr. Rashid also stated that establishing balance in time is important for a healthy relationship, and noted that couples dedicating their free time to productive activities will transform and develop individuals.
Advice to couples: leave the pursuit of perfection aside…
Dr. Tayyab Rashid, stating that it is also necessary for individuals to accept their own and their partner's problematic aspects for a positive relationship, offered the following advice to couples: "Leave the pursuit of perfection aside. Gratitude is very important. A small expression of appreciation is important. Being forgiving and being able to share experiences." Emphasizing that happiness does not just mean buying the latest phone, Dr. Tayyab Rashid stated that small laughs, conversations between couples, watering a small sapling, paying for a stranger's coffee, respecting nature, and hugs would also make one feel happy, adding that there is no need to appear strong as we have always been taught. Dr. Rashid, who stated that spirituality is also important in positive psychology research, emphasized the importance of having rituals rather than abstract spirituality and the healing power of spirituality. Rashid also noted that spiritual systems should be explored.
A plaque was presented to Dr. Tayyab Rashid after his speech.
Pilot applications discussed on the second day of the congress
At the congress, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Aliriza Arenliu from the University of Pristina delivered a presentation titled "Ruminations and Depression: Development and Pilot Implementation of Rumination-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Interventions for Outpatient Public Mental Health Services in Kosovo."
"Modern Psychotraumatology" panel held
In the panel titled "Modern Psychotraumatology," Prof. Dr. Erdinç Öztürk from Istanbul University discussed "Modern Psychotraumatology and Dissoanalysis Theory," Dr. Psk. Görkem Derin "Trauma-Centered Alliance Model Therapy," Dr. Psk. Barışhan Erdoğan "Developmental Migration," and Lecturer Dr. Kerem Çetinkaya "Natural and Guided Parenting Style."
Within the scope of the congress, Prof. Dr. Rahime Nükhet Çıkrıkçı from Üsküdar Üniversitesi also gave a conference on "Basic Principles and Standards in the Adaptation of Psychological Tests," and Assoc. Prof. Dr. Çiğdem Yavuz Güler on "Relationship Well-being: How Do I Ruin It, How Do I Get Out?"
"Positive Psychology in Family Relationships" panel held
In the panel titled "Positive Psychology in Family Relationships," Uzm. Clinical Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy from NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi gave a speech on "Couple Relationship in the Context of Positive Psychology and Psychotherapy," Prof. Dr. Gül Eryılmaz on "Positive Family Relationships," and Dr. Psk. Z. Aslı Başabak Bhais on "Positive parenting and healthy boundaries in the family."