Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, met with the parents of Biltek Schools. Making striking remarks under the title “Being a Good Parent in the 21st Century: Child Rearing, Protecting Mental Health,” Tarhan addressed the responsibilities of parenting in the digital age. Tarhan drew attention to how the rapid social transformation in our current era directly affects family structure and child-rearing approaches. Making important statements on many topics such as digitalization, artificial intelligence, values education, adolescence, conscience development, and the role of the family, Tarhan pointed to the main goals of parenting in the modern world by saying, “In a changing world, we must provide children with meaning, purpose, and self-control.” Emphasizing that we live in a period where science and faith support each other, Tarhan stated that quality parenting is based on balance, love, and conscious guidance.
There was intense interest in the program held at Biltek Schools Üsküdar Campus.
“There has never been a period in human history where transformation has been this rapid”
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that our current era contains the fastest change and transformation process in human history; “The 21st century has been a period in human history where nothing has transformed so rapidly. Hazrat Ali has a saying, ‘Raise your children according to the era in which they will grow up.’ That is, we often raise them the same way, saying, ‘I saw it this way from my mother and father.’ However, the issue is not to raise them according to the era they live in, but according to the era they will live in. Therefore, we need to read this change well. Old questions are still valid, but it is possible to give new answers to them. Digitalization has emerged. Especially after artificial intelligence, everything in the world will change even more. The Ottoman Empire somehow missed the Industrial Revolution. The artificial intelligence revolution we are experiencing now is a superior version of the Industrial Revolution. We must not miss this. To avoid missing it, we actually have a very strong infrastructure, in terms of skilled people, level of development, and many important opportunities. Despite all difficulties, we must first initiate change and improvement from our own field.” he began his speech.
“Our ego pushes us to one side…”
Drawing attention to the balance between the ego and the heart, Tarhan said; “In ego training, there is the ego on one side and the heart on the other. Here, the ego pushes us to one side. There is a greedy, insatiable, irresponsible, limitless part within us. That is, our ego is the compelling part within a person. This has always existed in human history. That’s why it is said, ‘Disbelief may persist, but oppression does not.’ Oppression is the powerful crushing the weak, and it does not go unpunished. People pay the price for it not only in the afterlife but also in this world. In such a situation, while educating our child, we need to prepare them for life. Just as a person learning to drive a car in traffic also learns road signs and knows what each sign means. In a person’s life, moral values are like traffic signs. When making decisions on the path of life, one looks at them and takes reference from them. What is important here is not the decorative paint of the sign, but the direction it indicates. Therefore, when teaching values, we need to lead to the true goal. What is the divine goal, what is our goal? We need to know these well and explain them well.”
“We need to interpret this rapid transformation well”
Emphasizing that a correct balance should be established instead of resisting innovations in the face of rapid social transformation, Tarhan said; “We need to interpret this current rapid transformation well. It is important to approach it from a positive perspective rather than opposing it. Because every innovation has a threat dimension and an opportunity dimension. If we only focus on the threat dimension, we become status quo oriented. What happens when we become status quo oriented? A mind that works to preserve and defend the existing emerges. When one works defensively, a person becomes afraid of innovation. In this way, one cannot be entrepreneurial and innovative. However, to be entrepreneurial and innovative, we must not lose the balance between this world and the hereafter. This world is like a field where we sow and reap. At the end of our lives, there is already Yawm ad-Din, the Day of Reckoning. The 'din' in Surah Al-Fatiha also means the Day of Reckoning. That is, throughout our lives, we sow, reap, and accumulate our pros and cons. If at the end of life, our pros outweigh our cons by 51 percent, then we should hope to be among the saved (ahl al-najat), God willing. Therefore, if we give youth purpose and meaning in life, we will preserve them.”
“Adolescence is a period when one searches for and finds their own identity…”
Stating that adolescence is a critical phase in an individual's search for identity, Tarhan said; “Adolescence is a period when one searches for and finds their own identity. Who am I? Where do I belong? Why? Every adolescent asks these questions. Social identity, cultural identity, religious identity, sexual identity… All these identities are established during this period. For this, the child first looks at their own experiences and what they have gained from the family. After this age, the child takes reference more from outside than from parents. This is also genetically so. Hormones activate in the body. When they activate, the brain undergoes a synaptic explosion in two periods: one between 0-3 years old, and the other between 12-15 years old. There is a growth factor in the brain called BDNF. This growth factor is secreted greatly during that period. The brain wonderfully forms new cells and new connections. Then these connections are pruned through social relationships. It's like how everything suddenly turns green in spring in three weeks; it's a similar process. That is, a sudden big explosion occurs in the brain. Errors are made during this time. That’s why terms like 'delikanlı' (hot-blooded youth) and 'delişmen kız' (wild girl) were used. Our Prophet, peace be upon him, said, ‘The age of puberty is a branch of madness.’ 1400 years ago, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, made a wonderful definition as if describing neuroscience and neuropsychology.”
“Irresponsibility has become widespread under the guise of freedom”
Drawing attention to the new generations' high expectations for justice and innocence, Tarhan said; “The lack of fair distribution greatly disturbs adolescents. Today, Generation Z generally appears self-centered and comfort-seeking. This trend is global. Adolescents are very lovable. At the same time, their expectations for innocence are high, and their expectations for justice are also high. Therefore, we need to teach our children social and emotional skills. Because areas related to social and emotional skills have been identified in the human brain, and corresponding neurological structures have been determined. Since this is the case, just as there is a certain discipline in sports, experiencing emotions and thoughts, and social and emotional skills also need to be taught in a structured way. Moreover, from childhood onwards. The centuries-old understanding of education actually states this. Because irresponsibility has become widespread under the guise of freedom. Currently, on a global scale, a life philosophy that disrupts the balance of limitlessness and rights-freedom has begun to dominate. In such an environment, raising young people truly becomes more difficult.”
“The last refuge we have is conscience…”
Stating that the foundation of raising a human being lies in self-knowledge and the development of conscience, Tarhan said; “The fundamental thing we need to pay attention to when raising a person is to raise individuals who know themselves. In fact, our traditions taught this. What is expressed today as emotional education is referred to as 'nefsi terbiye' (self-discipline/ego training) in our literature. This is also the fundamental teaching in Sufism. Hazrat Ali, known as the master of all Sufism, is the Shah-i Walayat (King of Sainthood). He learned this from the Messenger of Allah. The principles learned there are the pinnacle of knowledge. There is also the ability to connect with Allah. If we can enable our child to be 'online' with Allah, that feeling is enough for the child when an evil thought comes to them. Because this is the feeling of accountability and also prevents hidden evils. Open evils were already determined by laws and legal norms, and social norms and traditions supported this. Now social norms, traditions, and social acceptances have changed. In this way, the family remained as the last protector, the last refuge, but now the family is also under threat. Because smart phones, tablets, and the digital world have entered our homes like an open door. Therefore, the last refuge we have left is conscience. We need to instill the feeling of conscience in our child. Conscience means an internal controller, a mental jury. It is not just an emotion. It is not only related to the heart. It is a structure formed by the synthesis of intellect and heart. Because intellect alone misleads a person, and the heart alone also misleads a person. The correct approach is for both to work together. Therefore, the person of this era should be one who has the Quran in one hand and a computer in the other. If we can achieve this, we will be a good example for our children. In this way, we will also preserve the essence of our traditions.”
“The most beautiful gift that can be given to a child is quality companionship”
Underlining that the family is still the most important refuge in a changing world, Tarhan said; “The family is the smallest unit of society and also an institution. This is why the family is the last refuge. Because in this era, neither laws, legal norms, nor social norms can adequately protect individuals. Traditions and customs also cannot be preserved in the same way. As we live in the age of communication, it is not possible to completely prevent the child from external influences. At this point, applying excessive control to a child by saying ‘times are bad’ will backfire. Leaving the child completely loose is also wrong. Excessive discipline is also not correct. The important thing is to establish a balance at the right place and at the right time. The most beautiful gift a mother and father can give their child is quality companionship. It is about spending time together, accumulating memories together. These seeds, sown in the child’s developing soul, will blossom when they find the right environment in middle or old age.”
“Knowledge aids Tawhid”
Stating that reading the universe from a Tawhid perspective is effective in convincing young people, Tarhan said; “Allah created a universal database of knowledge and science. First and foremost, He created the knowledge of the universe. In the second stage, He created mathematics, calculation. In the third stage, He created geometry, design. In the fourth stage, energy physics, and in the fifth stage, matter and chemistry. In the sixth stage, He created living beings. Creation in six days is actually creation in six stages. Allah created the universe in this way. In the first creation, He knows everything with His knowledge. We only choose good and evil there, and a chosen program emerges. Thus, the past and future are also known. Therefore, today, after quantum physics, the meaning of the expression ‘Lâ meşhûde illâ Hû, lâ mevcûde illâ Hû’ (There is none to be witnessed but Him, there is none in existence but Him) has begun to be understood better. In other words, we are in a time where religion and science are in their best synthesis. In such a time, it is easier to convince young people, if reason is at play. If you look at the universe with the eye of Tawhid, you will read it beautifully. Reading the book of the universe, rest assured, is like reading the meaning of the Holy Quran. The first verse says ‘Read’. This is not just reading a written book; it is reading the book of the universe. One must look at Surah Alaq with this perspective. Then it talks about the pen, meaning ‘read, write’. Humans were created this way as the noblest of creatures (ashraf al-makhluqat). When you explain these to young people, it is impossible for them not to be convinced. Therefore, we are actually in a fortunate period. Today, knowledge aids Tawhid.” he concluded his speech.