Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “First extinguish, then investigate the cause”
Stating that reactions given during anger include behaviors such as sulking, pouting, yelling, shouting, or scolding, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “These can be considered as manifestations of anger. In anger management training, we try to teach individuals that anger is a natural and human emotion, but also how to cope with this emotion.”
Explaining that in anger, a person first feels, then reacts, and finally moves to thinking, Tarhan reminded the importance of staying calm. Tarhan suggested the firefighter model for dealing with anger.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the topic of anger management on TRT Radio 1's Ailece program.
Anger is seen in everyone
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that anger is a human emotion and is expected to be seen in everyone, stating, “Even in children, anger appears naturally. Anger usually arises when a person feels the need to defend themselves, is under threat, experiences fear, or does not feel safe. In this process, the person experiences a feeling, then reacts to this feeling, and finally, the thinking stage comes into play. Since the process generally involves feeling first, then behavior, and finally thinking, a person can make mistakes.”
What are the reactions given during anger?
Stating that reactions given during anger include behaviors such as sulking, pouting, yelling, shouting, or scolding, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “These can be considered as manifestations of anger. In anger management training, we try to teach individuals that anger is a natural and human emotion, but also how to cope with this emotion. A person may experience anger and tension when they are hindered, feel their psychological integrity threatened, or when some of their principles and rules are violated. In such situations, it is important for the person to learn to analyze quickly. To succeed in anger management, this ability needs to be developed.”
Fear of judgment can trigger anger!
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that they especially investigate negative thoughts, beliefs, or stereotypical judgments in the anger management process, and continued:
“A person may feel worthless. In an event, they might think they are not valued, are rejected, or underestimated. They may develop thoughts like ‘They don’t like me, they are humiliating me, my effort is not respected.’ In some cases, a person may feel anger because they do not want their own flaws to be revealed. Fear of judgment can trigger anger. There may be people who react with anger due to the anxiety that ‘My mistakes will come out.’ However, this reaction is often not given consciously. These individuals may have a strong belief that they should be respected. The thought ‘Everyone must respect me’ can lead them to perceive every negative behavior as disrespect. This is also among the unique reasons for a person's anger. Every individual's reason for anger is unique, and these reasons are shaped by the person's past experiences and perceptions.”
What should be done in moments of anger?
Explaining that in anger, a person first feels, then reacts, and finally moves to thinking, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “ ‘When a fire breaks out, the first goal is to extinguish it. Then it is cooled down, and finally, the cause is investigated. In situations of anger, it is necessary to approach with the firefighter model. We recommend the firefighter model for anger. First extinguish, then investigate the cause.”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated, “Once a person becomes aware of their anger, a solution is possible. However, depression can manifest as irritability. This actually shows that anger is like an illness.”
Mood disorder can increase anger
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that if a person has a tendency towards mood disorder, this situation can increase anger: “In the early 2000s, when we first brought magnetic stimulation therapy to Turkey, a patient came who was depressed, didn't talk to anyone, didn't smile, and didn't respond to any medication. We applied neuromodulation therapy, which is magnetic stimulation therapy, to this patient. After the treatment, she suddenly came to life, but this time she started yelling and shouting at her husband. While the woman felt good, her husband angrily told us: ‘I was happier with her old state. Now she's yelling and shouting at me.’ In this case, we had to change the treatment. We applied a sleep-regulating treatment and got results after about 7-10 sessions. However, during this process, when emotions revived, anger also emerged. Her anger towards her husband, in particular, became pronounced. This type of anger is anger at a pathological level.”
What is anger with a solution?
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that anger arising in daily life, at work, or at home is mostly a solvable, correctable situation: “What is important here is for the person to be able to ask this question: ‘Which of my principles or values has been violated?’ If a person can analyze their anger and recognize the automatic thoughts causing it, they can manage their emotions in a healthier way. Anger is like nuclear energy; if channeled correctly, it protects a person from bad habits and serves as an opportunity for self-development. A person who understands their anger has actually taken an important step towards understanding themselves.”
Anger is a source of energy and needs to be managed correctly
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that some people enjoy making others angry: “These individuals provoke the other party, make them make mistakes, and then say, ‘You’re already someone who yells and shouts anyway,’ throwing their flaws back at them and trying to control them. In such situations, if the angry person realizes this game, they won't fall into the trap. However, these behaviors are often not done consciously; they usually emerge from subconscious dynamics. Passive-aggressive individuals, even if they don't do it intentionally, make the other party angry and thus find relief. Anger is a controllable emotion. In fact, controlling anger is a matter of energy management. Anger is a source of energy and needs to be managed correctly. Anger, like sexuality and reason, is one of the fundamental life energies in humans. However, these energies being at two extremes is harmful; neither excess nor complete absence is a healthy state. The important thing is to be able to use these energies in a balanced way.”
Breath-holding spells in children are an anger outburst…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed to anger control problems at an early age and continued:
“Especially in children, it can manifest as breath-holding spells. These spells are actually anger outbursts. When a child doesn't get what they want, they go into a breath-holding spell and learn this behavior over time. This situation is often seen before the age of 3-5, especially before the age of 3. However, breath-holding spells can sometimes be confused with epilepsy. During these spells, the child struggles to accept an unwanted situation and experiences a crisis. If parents cannot manage this situation correctly and fulfill every wish of the child, this behavior is reinforced and becomes a learned behavior. The important thing here is to be able to calmly say 'no' to the child. It is necessary to soothe the child by stroking their head but also not to fulfill every one of their wishes. In this way, the child eventually gives up this behavior.”
“Every event that makes us angry is, in a sense, like shedding a skin”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that there are differences in emotional responses between male and female brains: “While a man usually expresses sadness with anger, women express their sadness more directly, by crying. A man's anger is actually a sign that he has been hurt. We can liken this situation to the behavior of an injured pet. An injured animal reacts or does not want to be approached not because it doesn't like you, but because it is afraid of being hurt. It is important to understand and handle men's anger in this context correctly.”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also noted that situations like anger and vulnerability are opportunities for a person to get to know and develop themselves: “Every event that makes us angry is, in a sense, like shedding a skin; it’s an opportunity for gain and change. Therefore, we recommend that individuals develop a dual perspective during moments of anger.”
‘Broken cookie phenomenon’…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also noted that many arguments and instances of anger are actually based on deeper emotional dynamics than the reasons visible on the surface: “I recall a case in couple's therapy. The subject of the argument was whether to buy a 6-roll or an 8-roll pack of toilet paper at the shopping mall. Imagine, such a simple issue had turned into anger. In psychology, this is called the ‘broken cookie phenomenon.’ If people are already ready for a fight, they can start arguing even by saying, ‘Why is this cookie broken?’ In such situations, the real importance lies in resolving the underlying emotion. Valuing the other person's feelings and making them feel appreciated reduces tensions in relationships. In close relationships, benevolent assumptions (good faith) should be the norm, and malevolent assumptions (bad faith) should be the exception. This approach is more easily applicable especially in honest and truthful relationships.”
Negative thoughts form automatically in the mind
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that negative thoughts generally form automatically in the human mind: “The human brain perceives negative thoughts six times faster than positive ones. The reason for this is that our brain is inherently programmed to focus on survival. Like all living beings, the human brain focuses on protecting itself by noticing threats in its environment. That's why we usually see the negative aspect of an event first. However, people who develop themselves and train their mental processes can, after noticing the negativity, immediately see the positive side and choose to act in a positive way. This is a unique human skill and is called mentalization. Mentalization allows a person to make sense of negative thoughts and transform them into a positive perspective. Developing this skill has a direct impact on a person's quality of life and relationships.”
As a society, we are very angry…
“Unfortunately, as a society, we have become very angry,” said Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, adding, “Yet, the solutions to these problems are quite simple; however, it requires some investment and time dedicated to these issues. Is investing in oneself less important than investing in property, assets, and money? Absolutely not. The investment we make in ourselves will be the most valuable investment, both individually and socially.”