Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, participated in a program hosted by Sakarya University and Sakarya University of Applied Sciences, organized by the Sakarya Provincial Representation of the Young Academicians' Association. Speaking on the topic "Why is Family the Last Refuge?", Tarhan drew attention to the importance of moral values and family norms in society. He emphasized that the modern world isolates individuals and that the family is the last safe haven in this environment. Stressing that the family is humanity's greatest refuge, Tarhan also highlighted factors that weaken the family.
The program, moderated by Expert Psychological Counselor Emre Gürkan at the Sakarya University Culture and Congress Center, was attended by Sakarya University Rector Prof. Dr. Hamza Al, Sakarya University of Applied Sciences Rector Prof. Dr. Mehmet Sarıbıyık, and numerous academics.
"Our Emotions Have a Correspondence in the Brain"
Referring to studies on protective mental health, Tarhan stated; "A scientific revolution occurred in the 1990s. A book titled 'Descartes' Error' was published. After that book, science, which previously attributed everything to reason, revealed that Descartes' rationalism actually included areas of the human brain that also process emotions. It was stated that our emotions also have correspondences in the brain. When this field emerged, I professionally saw that this topic greatly aligned with our values, Anatolian wisdom, and beliefs. At that time, I immediately embraced this field and began working on these subjects. Because there was a moral decline in society. I thought this situation would also spread to the family. I started to conduct preventive mental health studies related to this. We published the first book in 2000."
"It is in Our Hands to Protect Moral Norms"
Stating that the formation of personality depends on an individual's upbringing, Tarhan said; "There are three norms that protect people from wrongdoing. The first is legal norms. Legal norms are rules. Currently, legal norms are not fully protected in any country in the world. Laws are written but after a while, they remain only on paper. The second protective norm is social norms. That is, societal values, traditions, customs, and practices. However, this area is also rapidly changing. The third protective norm is family norms. So why can't we protect family norms? Because the house now has an open door: the smartphone. It can enter even the safest environment of the home uncontrollably. The fourth norm is moral norms, which protect both the individual and the family. Moral norms are the inner jury in our conscience, meaning internal control. This is part of mental development. Now, the shaping of personality is entirely dependent on how an individual is raised. If they are raised well, they become good; if poorly, they become bad. It is in our hands to protect moral norms. No one can take this away from us. Even technology cannot change our morality unless we allow it. Currently, they are trying to change our morality. Especially regarding the family, our most important responsibility is to protect our own moral norms."
Family: The Last Safe Haven in Modern Loneliness
Tarhan stated that in today's world, the increasing feeling of loneliness and weakening emotional bonds make individuals more fragile, and that technology, career goals, and the pressure of individualism isolate people. He added that under these challenging conditions, the family is humanity's greatest refuge. He emphasized that the family creates an indispensable "emotional safe space" for individuals and that the feeling of belonging is vital for psychological health.
Factors Threatening the Family Institution…
In his speech, Tarhan also touched upon the main reasons that weaken the family structure. He noted that factors such as excessive individualism, "self"-centered lifestyles, the constant search for approval on social media, worsening economic conditions, and viewing relationships as disposable threaten the family institution. Prof. Dr. Tarhan warned that individuals raised in a family lacking love may experience serious attachment problems later in life, and once again emphasized the importance of a loving family environment.
"Mediation is Very Effective in Family Problems"
Referring to the importance of the family mediation system, Tarhan said; "Commercial mediation was launched and provided 70% benefit. Now there is also a mediation system for rent disputes, but family mediation has not yet been introduced. Normally, family matters are taken directly to court. When appearing in court, everyone blames and denigrates the other party. As a result, divorce occurs on the grounds of incompatibility, and no common ground for reconciliation remains. However, the Quran states, 'Appoint an arbiter.' If there is a problem in the family, would Allah give such a ruling for an insignificant matter? This means it is a very important issue. When an arbiter, that is, a mediator, intervenes, lawyers only place the issue on a legal basis, but mediation aims to reconcile the parties. Of course, there may be some exceptions here; if there are situations like violence or physical harm, those should be treated separately. But in family problems other than these, mediation is very effective. This system was piloted in Gaziantep and yielded results. Currently, all municipalities or state institutions can implement this model by establishing Family Academies of this kind. This would be a preventive measure. It would be a very important step to prevent the fragmentation of the family."
"Marriage is Accepting a New Form of Life"
Tarhan stated that love is a consequence, not a cause, in marriage; "If a person's intention is good, they will find the right path somehow. If there is good intention and love, that person will definitely find a formula and produce a solution. So, love is important here, but it's not 100% love. If it's over 50%, that relationship will work. 'Love + Cooperation = Happy Marriage'. You must succeed in establishing cooperation. Love is a consequence, not a cause, in marriage. The current generation waits to fall in love before getting married. I watched a video recently where they ask 'What is love?', and the man says, 'Love is electricity, two parties giving and receiving electricity from each other.' They ask 'What is marriage?' and he says, 'It's a bill.' So, one should not look at the situation so simply. Marriage is not a bill, but it has a cost. I liken marriage to H₂O. Hydrogen and oxygen move freely in the atmosphere; one is combustible, one is explosive, but when they come together, their freedoms diminish, and in return, a new form of life is created. Marriage is like this too. If you enter marriage saying, 'I will be free, I will live as I please, and I will be married,' this is not possible. Marriage means accepting a new form of life, like H₂O."
"The Belief in Tawhid is the Most Rational Belief"
Emphasizing the importance of scientific rigor in this era, Tarhan said; "Scientific rigor is currently in favor of Islam and the Quran. Therefore, we can persuade the people of this age by using scientific rigor. We should not adopt the understanding that religion is separate from science. Currently, I see many theologians feeling comfortable saying that religion is separate from science. However, religion and science are two different branches of the same truth. They are not contradictory. This is already the subject of ilm al-kalam, which is rational belief. What we call rational belief is Tawhid. Today, science shows that the belief in Tawhid is the most rational and consistent belief. Therefore, our duty should be to explain this. When a mother or father can explain this to their child, they instill not only knowledge but also faith awareness in the child. The role of parents here is to warn and guide."
"The Language of This Era Must Be Sincerity and Devotion"
Speaking about the necessity for men and women to complement each other, Tarhan said; "The current global system has transformed marriage into a competition between men and women. However, in the family model described by Islam, there is complementarity between men and women. Men and women are not rivals; they do not try to dominate each other, but rather complement each other. Our culture's family structure is a good example of this. Everyone in the home treats each other with respect. The home becomes a refuge, a safe space. We used to say the family is a nest of love; now we say it's a nest of trust. Because love is already necessary for a safe space to be created. It should not be forgotten that the language of devotion is the most effective language. Devotion, sincerity... Indeed, the language of this era must be the language of sincerity and devotion."
The conference, which garnered significant interest, concluded after a Q&A session where participants' questions to Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan were answered. At the end of the program, a thank you gift was presented to Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan by Sakarya University Rector Prof. Dr. Hamza Al.