Eating warm meals together as a family reduces stress!

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan met with the people of Bursa within the scope of the Turkey Culture Road Festival organized by the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. In the interview titled “Unlimited Conversations with Züleyha,” Tarhan drew attention to how uncertainty, unfair distribution, and bad examples increase future anxiety in society, while psychologically evaluating the concepts of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-admiration.  Tarhan also made remarkable evaluations regarding the effects of digitalization and social media on individuals, and the correct use of artificial intelligence, emphasizing the importance of strengthening family communication and raising children in line with the realities of the changing world. Noting that eating together strengthens family bonds, Tarhan added that the higher the number of warm meals, the lower the stress in that family.

The people of Bursa showed great interest in the program, moderated by Züleyha Ortak Dağ, held at the Bursa Ahmet Vefik Paşa State Theater.

“All These Create Future Anxiety in People”

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the combination of uncertainty, unfair distribution, and bad examples in society increases future anxiety in individuals. Tarhan said; “The human brain has a way of functioning; it cannot tolerate uncertainty. The human brain perceives uncertainty as a threat. For instance, you go into a forest, which path should you take? Where will a snake or scorpion appear from? Where does danger come from? If the environment is uncertain and unregulated, one does not feel safe there, cannot even sleep at night. They either continuously climb a tree or get into a sleeping bag to sleep; otherwise, they cannot sleep. Now, in our societal life, there is too much uncertainty. Actually, we are better off than 20 years ago in terms of gross national product. In the 2000s, it was 3 thousand dollars per capita; now it is 18 thousand dollars. So there is a difference, but there are concerns about fair distribution in this society. Imagine a house where a mother favors one child and the father another, creating polarization, or one child is overly protected, and the rights of others are violated; there would be no peace in that house. In Turkey currently, what I observe is such a problem of fair distribution. There is a problem of bad examples, and on the other hand, a problem of uncertainty. Where these three problems converge, imagine a house, imagine a company; there would be no peace in that company. All these create future anxiety in people.”

The Difference Between Self-Respect, Self-Confidence, and Self-Admiration!     

Stating that the concepts of self-respect, self-confidence, and self-admiration are different from each other, Tarhan drew attention to the importance of a healthy self-perception. Tarhan said; “Self-respect, self-confidence, self-admiration. These three need to be well-defined. Self-respect is what we refer to as self-esteem. A person has a level of self, a level of self through which they relate to society. There is a self-perception, there is the self one is, and there is the self one wishes to be. The narrower the gap between these, the better. For example, if a person's desired self is very high, even if their self-esteem is good, they don't feel good about themselves; their self-perception is low. Some people have low self-perception and no self-confidence, saying, ‘I can't do anything, I'm incapable.’ Or their self-perception is high; there are proud, arrogant types who say, ‘Is there anyone more beautiful than me, I am the best, I am superior.’ These have narcissistic personality traits. What is desirable is for our self-perception, our self-level, and the self we want to be, to be at the same level. Self-respect is when a person's self-perception is balanced. Self-admiration, on the other hand, describes narcissistic personality traits where one looks in the mirror and says, ‘Is there anyone more beautiful than me?’, loves to boast, thrives on applause, and has their ego as their biggest organ. In these individuals, there is actually narcissistic vulnerability in the background. Because they fear being broken, they satisfy their egos by praising themselves and feed on applause.”

“There Are Three Types of Reactions to Stress and Crisis”

Stating that people develop three different reactions to stress and crisis, Tarhan explained the importance of psychological resilience. Tarhan said; “There are three types of reactions to stress and crisis. The first type is like a sponge; they absorb it, cry, lament ‘What will become of me?’, collapse, and infect everyone else. The second type is Teflon types. A Teflon pan itself doesn't burn, but it burns whatever it touches. These types themselves remain unharmed but burn the other party, manipulating them according to their interests. A scratched Teflon pan is trash. These people also get tremendously angry when criticized; we call this narcissistic vulnerability. Under the influence of that anger, they make mistakes. The third type is rubber types. During an event, they stretch, learn something, and then return to their original state. For such people, every event carries a new meaning. They lose a loved one, have an accident; instead of saying ‘I'm dead, I'm finished,’ they explore the opportunity dimension of that event. There are things a person can control and things they cannot control. Knowing this is tremendous wisdom. Someone who knows this sees their mistake there and asks, ‘What did this bring me?’ We call this developmental trauma.”

“Their Biggest Organs Are Their Egos”

Stating that fragility lies at the core of narcissistic personality traits, Tarhan said that these individuals can exhibit manipulative behaviors in relationships. Tarhan stated; “Narcissistic characters see themselves as very important and superior. Their biggest organs are their egos. They feed on praise and applause. When there is no applause, they feel like a fish out of water. The moment you criticize a narcissist, they see you as an enemy and immediately categorize people as ‘my friends’ and ‘my enemies.’ They are very good at manipulation and exploitation. To achieve their goal or satisfy their ego, they demean and utterly crush the other person. Then they say, ‘I am doing this for your own good.’ They devalue the other party, break their self-confidence, and want to establish a master-slave relationship. Sometimes they even play the role of being modest to achieve their goals. They play that role even just to get applause. They are insincere but play the role of sincerity very well. Passive aggression is actually covert narcissism. They provoke the other party, make them shout, and enjoy it; we call this narcissistic supply. The more you get angry, the more satisfied they become. The more they make you cry, the more relieved they become, achieving their goal. They make you ready to be manipulated. They are very good at exploitation. They also feed on chaotic environments, stirring things up and benefiting from them. Living with a narcissistic person is difficult, and their empathy skills are very poor.”

“Visibility Has Been Sanctified…”

Prof. Tarhan stated that digitalization offers significant opportunities when used correctly, but if social media becomes an end in itself, it can lead individuals to seek a false sense of visibility.

Tarhan said; “Technology itself is inherently neutral. Technology is a tool. Digitalization is a tool. Artificial intelligence is a tool. Social media platforms are also a tool. If these serve our purpose, they are beneficial to us, but if you lose sight of your purpose, you become a slave to social media. Therefore, the person using social media needs to plan their day and manage their time. There's a saying, ‘Showcases are full, hearts are empty.’ Currently, on social media, there are seemingly fake smiles and fake entertainments. Previously, it was said, ‘I think, therefore I am’; now it has become, ‘I appear, therefore I am.’ Visibility has been sanctified, but this pushes people towards a false visibility. The brain produces cheap dopamine here. They receive fake applause and are fed by likes and praise. When they don't receive praise or likes, they feel tremendously bad. Dopamine expectation gives pleasure, but it fades once achieved. It's like eating sweets; the expectation is stronger, and afterwards, one desires it again. Such pleasures are short-term. Someone who gets used to this will eventually not be satisfied with normal applause. This time, they turn to artificial means of gratification, engaging in pleasurable, stimulating, illegal activities and trying to find satisfaction through them.”

“The More Warm Meals Are Eaten Together, the Lower the Stress in the Family”

Stating that children should be raised according to the realities of the changing world, Tarhan drew attention to the importance of time spent together in strengthening family communication. Tarhan said; “It is important to understand that children are not our children but children of their time. Therefore, let's not compare this era with the past at all. Hz. Ali says, 'Raise your children not according to the era we grew up in, but according to the era they will live in.' Look, he said this 1500 years ago. Now, digitalization is a reality. Just as the printing press transformed humanity, just as the discovery of electricity created a revolution, artificial intelligence is also such a reality. We must accept this. The important thing is to focus on how to use digitalization and artificial intelligence positively. This has inevitably reflected on family relationships as well. For example, if four people are sitting at the table, place an empty plate and put the phones there. Because eating together strengthens family bonds. Conversing during meals keeps the family together. One of the questions asked in stress scales is, 'How many days a week do you eat warm meals together as a family?' The more warm meals are eaten, the lower the stress in that family. Unfortunately, now in our country, everyone orders from outside, and the culture of eating warm meals together is gradually decreasing.” he concluded.