Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan's second stop within his Ankara programs was the TDV Women, Family and Youth Center. Meeting with the people of Ankara within the scope of the Parent School project, Tarhan said that if one is a good spouse, children will automatically be raised well. Emphasizing that rigidity of thought and suspicion harm marriages, Tarhan stated that couples preparing for marriage should definitely apply the marriage maturity scale. Tarhan said, “Those who do not apply the marriage maturity scale should not sit at the wedding table.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan's second stop, following the 'Father School' Seminars organized by the Directorate General of Religious Services, Department of Family and Religious Guidance, was the Türkiye Diyanet Foundation (TDV). Tarhan participated in the “Parent School” Program organized by the TDV Women, Family and Youth Center. In the talk held at the TDV Conference Hall, Tarhan made important evaluations regarding “Psychological Preparation for Parenthood.”
If you are a good spouse, the child automatically grows up well…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, who states that one should first be a good person, a good spouse, and then a good mother and father, said, “When you succeed at being a good spouse, children will automatically be raised well. Because the child models the relationship between the mother and father…”
A child whose every wish is granted sees their parent as a fruit-bearing tree and wants to shake them…
Tarhan pointed out that in today's world, where communication culture, not obedience, is important, children do not adopt an authoritarian language, and stressed the necessity for parents to show consistency in child-rearing. Drawing attention to the importance of parents exhibiting common attitudes and behaviors, Tarhan noted that if parents use different language regarding an event, the child can skillfully exploit this. Tarhan emphasized that this inconsistency of parents is actually an educational error, stating that a child whose every wish is granted sees the parents as a fruit-bearing tree and constantly shakes them.
Tarhan also pointed out that one of the erroneous parenting attitudes is that of intrusive, helicopter parents, and said that parents should have ideals and rules. Tarhan stated that being rule-bound does not mean military discipline, and that children raised in rule-bound and disciplined families grow up to be more successful and responsible.
One should not take sides in sibling fights…
Drawing attention to the potential jealousy between siblings, Tarhan stated that parents must be fair and just. Tarhan said that motherhood and fatherhood require justice, adding, “Sibling rivalry is good in a way. Like a boatman's quarrel... They argue, fight, but then resolve the issue by continuing their affection, and thus develop problem-solving skills. Here, parents should be able to leave children to their own devices… Whenever one takes a side, the problem is not resolved, and jealousy and rivalry are triggered…”
Tarhan also made evaluations regarding competition and arguments between spouses, saying that neither women nor men are superior to each other; on the contrary, the parties complement each other. Tarhan stated that love is not the cause but the result in marriage, and expressed that good cooperation is essential in marriage.
Rigidity of thought harms marriage…
Tarhan stated that rigidity of thought and stubbornness that may arise between spouses can harm marriage, saying, “Rigidity of thought, or stubbornness in common parlance, can seriously damage marriage. It is even one of the biggest enemies of marriage. People who lack mental flexibility and are stubborn unfortunately cannot empathize… These individuals have weak emotional literacy and lack empathy. And their egos are very inflated. I can easily say that unfortunately, the biggest organs of 21st-century people are their egos... It is very important for couples to be able to meet at a golden mean in potential family arguments without getting into 'your mother, my mother...' disputes...” he said.
Suspicion, the beginning of paranoia…
Emphasizing that another enemy of marriage is suspicion (suizan), Tarhan stated that suspicion, which he defines as the beginning of paranoia, is one of the wrong thought patterns.
Those who do not complete the marriage maturity scale should not sit at the wedding table…
Stating that marriage maturity is very important for a happy and healthy marriage, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan added that individuals who lack marriage maturity or do not complete the marriage maturity scale should not sit at the wedding table. Emphasizing the great importance of the obligation of fidelity in marriage, Tarhan noted that there should be preparation for parenthood. Tarhan, stating that marriage is a life journey, expressed that couples should act focused on the future of the marriage, not individually, opportunistically, or selfishly.
Tarhan stated that a problem-free, smooth marriage would be nice, but it is not possible, and emphasized that couples should develop problem-solving skills in cases of problems and negativities.
Tarhan also signed his books for his readers…
After the program, which saw high participation, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan also signed his books for the participants.