Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, was a live broadcast guest on TGRT Haber's Gün Ortası program with Gülden Kalecik. Tarhan made striking evaluations regarding the digital game discussions that began with the death of 13-year-old Abdulkadir Eymen Bilgin at his home in Trabzon. Drawing attention to age limits in digital device usage, Tarhan stated that children who cannot achieve quality togetherness in the family are at greater risk. Tarhan, also underlining the emotional collapse cycle, added that every unmet emotional need is tried to be compensated from somewhere else.
Attention to the emotional collapse cycle!
The discovery of 13-year-old middle school student Abdulkadir Eymen Bilgin deceased in his room at home in Trabzon, and allegations that Bilgin ended his life to complete in-game tasks, have opened a discussion on the effects of games on children.
During the TGRT Haber live broadcast he participated in, Tarhan addressed the effects of digital games on child psychology. Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said; “Opening such a topic on a Ramadan day truly saddens and affects one, but this is a reality for Turkey and and the world. In children who get too absorbed in computer games, an emotional collapse cycle can occur. They get drawn into the game; the game becomes very attractive to them. At that moment, the brain produces cheap dopamine. Because dopamine is produced easily and quickly, the child enters a pleasure-oriented direction. Children at that age cannot distinguish between pleasure and happiness. However, pleasure is separate from happiness. Pleasure is short-term, temporary, misleading, and its neurobiological equivalent is dopamine. Happiness, on the other hand, is long-term, permanent, and related to social attachments. Its equivalent in the brain is serotonin. Studies conducted in the last 3-5 years have made this clearer. In such a situation, a child gets absorbed in a dopamine-focused life philosophy. If there is no parental supervision and no discipline regarding computer usage has been established, any child can get lost in it. If the home is not a rule-based environment, and if the family, parents, cannot guide the child, this poses a serious risk. Actually, the computer game itself does not cause suicide or addiction on its own. The problem is not in the game, but who plays the game, what they play, where, and on what ground… This is the main determinant.”
“It is necessary to say no with justifications”
Emphasizing the importance of age limits for digital device use, Tarhan stated; “Currently, there is a common practice among world states: not giving smartphones or tablets to children until the age of three. Countries like Switzerland and Norway have strictly banned this until the age of three. Because that period is when the brain develops most rapidly. When you let a child get absorbed in it at that age, it becomes truly difficult to take it away later. There are some principles, such as never giving it until age three, and limiting it to approximately one hour a day until age ten. Until the age of fifteen, the child should not open a social media account in their own name and should know that this is not a legal, legitimate, and approved area. These are delayed decisions. Such regulations were made because the negative consequences of this were observed worldwide. At least for children over the age of ten, it is necessary to say no by explaining the justifications and convincing them, rather than forcing them, by saying, ‘The state did this, and this is the practice worldwide.’”
Parental supervision is important from an early age!
Underlining that a child's digital literacy will not develop without parental supervision, Tarhan said; “What is important is parental supervision from an early age. Even if a child plays a war game, they should play it under parental supervision. When a child sees a scary scene, they glance at their mother and father. If the parents are not affected by it, do not approve, and give the correct reaction, the child will position themselves accordingly, but if they see an approving attitude, they will normalize the game. Parents need to approach with a method of discussing right and wrong. It is necessary to teach the child the difference between fantasy and reality by saying, ‘Look, they are killing here, but this is a game; it doesn't happen like this in reality.’ If this is not taught, and there is no parental supervision, the child’s digital literacy will not develop. Digital literacy should be taught like teaching mathematics or reading books. When a child learns this, they will use technology in a balanced way. They will use it when the time comes, and they can spontaneously stop when the time comes.”
“If a child cannot find an object to attach to, they attach to the phone”
Stating that every unmet emotional need will be tried to be compensated from somewhere else, Tarhan said; “If the home is not a safe space… meaning if there is constant tension between parents, if the child does not feel safe when they come home, then they turn to computer games as a stress reduction technique. Or if there is a situation we call ‘abandonment without distance’ at home, meaning emotional neglect… The mother is home, the father is home, but everyone has a cell phone in their hand. There is no fight, no conflict, but also no communication, no quality communication. When there is no quality communication at home, the child starts to communicate in games. If a child cannot find an object to attach to, they attach to the phone, and at a more advanced stage, they can become attached to substances. That is why addiction and attachment, whether digital addiction, virtual addiction, or substance addiction, are very closely related concepts. If a child can develop a secure attachment to their mother, father, or to life, they can control and satisfy their attachment feeling in a healthy way. But if the person they are to attach to is not emotionally present… This is precisely what ‘abandonment without distance’ means. The mother is home, providing physical care, everything seems to be in order from the outside. However, after meeting the child's needs, there is no quality time shared. The mother devotes herself to housework or does not establish emotional contact with the child. In this situation, the child cannot meet their emotional need for love and attention from their mother and father. And every unmet emotional need is tried to be compensated from somewhere else.”
“Children who cannot achieve quality togetherness are at greater risk”
Emphasizing the need to develop emotional and social skills for life success, Tarhan said; “The strongest expression of the need for love is attention, but we are not talking about ordinary attention; we are talking about attention that involves eye contact, spending time together, and empathetic communication. If there is genuine contact with the child, an interest that enters their world, the child will not easily get lost in phones or digital games. Children who cannot achieve quality togetherness during that period are at greater risk. If one of the parents is ill or depressed, this also affects them. Our culture has an advantage; grandmothers on both sides can compensate for some shortcomings. The close environment, extended family, and friends also play a determining role in the child's development. Also, children who wake up in the morning without a purpose, whose day is not full, are more easily swayed. It is necessary to give the child a purpose. There are concrete goals for the future: like work, profession, school. And there are abstract goals: ‘What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered at the end of your life?’ It is necessary to teach both of these together. If we only target academic success, the child perceives success within a narrow framework. However, social and emotional success is at least as important as academic success. The real success is life success. To achieve life success, emotional and social skills must be developed. This happens by accumulating beautiful experiences and creating memories with parents. The greatest gift a mother or father can give their child is time. Not toys, not money; time. This is the most precious gift.”