Experts, drawing attention to the 'chosen loneliness' trend that glorifies living alone in social life in recent years and presents it as an individual's preference, emphasize that portraying this trend as a healthy norm is incorrect. Experts note that individuals who live only for themselves, pursue pleasure without taking responsibility for others, and are promoted by popular media and social media, are almost glorified, stating, 'This lifestyle is a situation into which people are pushed due to structural and cultural reasons, rather than a choice.' Experts also point out that in a consumer society, the system encourages individuals towards loneliness, and among all age groups, white-collar workers in their 30s feel the most lonely.
White-collar workers feel the most lonely
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan, Head of the Department of Sociology at Üsküdar Üniversitesi, Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, made evaluations regarding the phenomenon of loneliness and chosen loneliness, which is one of the most significant problems facing modern societies.
Chosen Loneliness is Not a Healthy Norm
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan noted that in recent years there has been a trend called 'chosen loneliness' that glorifies living alone in social life and presents it as an individual's choice. He said, 'Chosen loneliness can be a preference for thinkers, scientists, mystics, artists, and people who want to make a significant change in their lives, to isolate themselves from society for a period to increase their productivity and develop new ideas. However, I do not find it correct to present this kind of loneliness as a healthy norm in society in general. Before elaborating on this topic, it will be necessary to clarify the concept of loneliness.'
Loneliness Can Be Explored Through Three Concepts
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan stated that loneliness can be approached in three concepts: 'being alone,' 'living alone,' and 'feeling alone.' He continued, 'Among these concepts, we can examine being alone within the framework of a lack of social integration and living alone within the framework of the absence of family. Feeling alone, on the other hand, is perceiving loneliness as a social experience. This experience is a situation related to a person feeling lonely, whether it stems from situations caused by social isolation or within the framework of professional or family circumstances. Individuals flee to protect themselves from toxic relationships, insecurity, a job they are unhappily forced to do, and imbalanced family relationships in modern society. They turn the home they live alone in into a sacred sanctuary. In other words, even social contacts themselves can cause a person to 'feel lonely.''
Living Alone is Associated with Chosen Loneliness
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan noted that the conceptualization of 'being alone' associates loneliness with the lack or absence of social contacts and connections, and said, 'The number of your face-to-face relationships with family and friends decreases. You spend your time on social media or even start going to social activities alone.'
Loneliness is Seen as a New Lifestyle
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan stated that the phenomenon of 'living alone' is increasingly associated with chosen loneliness today. He said, 'Those who define loneliness in this way see it more as a new lifestyle than a social problem. These single-living individuals are not seen as isolated from society, or as having weak or no social relationships. This social group, whose subjects are singles, is presented as individuals who choose to sleep alone at night but participate in social activities together and are 'happy'. This approach, compatible with the individualism dominating society and the consumer culture desired by the capitalist system, reformulates loneliness to 'save it from a negative prism' in the form of 'solo living' or 'living alone.'
Loneliness: More a Forced Situation Than a Choice
Stating, 'I don't find this rose-tinted view very accurate,' Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan concluded, 'This lifestyle is a situation into which people are pushed due to structural and cultural reasons, rather than a choice.'
In Consumer Society, the System Encourages Loneliness
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan noted that individuals who live only for themselves, pursue pleasure without taking responsibility for others, and are promoted by popular media and social media, are almost glorified, and stated the following:
'In a consumer society, the system "needs individuals not as laborers or savers, but increasingly as consumers." In this situation, the rising number of people living alone leads to increased use and sales of many products, from housing to household goods.'
Individuals Living Alone Are a Good Customer Base
For the entertainment and tourism sector, those living alone are also a good customer base. Dating sites, highly frequented by individuals living alone, are among the most profitable investments in the internet world. Furthermore, those living alone can spend more money to make themselves happy. In this context, successful, constantly entertained, traveling lawyers, architects, and freelance media stereotypes in TV series and media news appeal to the dreams of people, especially young individuals.
The Best Way to Overcome Loneliness is a Meaningful Life
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan stated that, contrary to what is intended to be shown in popular culture, the situation in real life is very different, and concluded his words as follows: 'However, single men and women living alone do not lead the stereotypical lives portrayed in these popular culture products. The realities are much different from the dreams presented to society by the media. Whether in developed industrial societies or a developing country like Turkey, 'chosen loneliness' is a multifaceted, challenging test for many individuals in terms of psychological, economic, and social relationships. The best way to overcome loneliness is to live a meaningful life. A meaningful life connects us to a social environment towards a goal and also frees us from the feeling of loneliness.'
Social Ties are Weakening
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan stated that everyone is becoming increasingly lonely in modern society, and said, 'Because in the enormous metropolitan environment with a fast pace of life, our family and friend ties are dissolving. Our neighborly relations in the high-rise complexes we live in have broken down. Especially in white-collar jobs, we are forced into competition rather than cooperation with our colleagues to protect our jobs. All of these weaken our relationships with our traditional social environment where we have strong ties. Perhaps our number of friends on social networks like Instagram and Facebook is increasing, but these are also weak ties. They are not real friends who give us confidence in life.'
Life Conditions Also Impact Relationships
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan noted that worsening life conditions also negatively affect relationships, saying, 'On top of all these negativities, the rising cost of living and decreasing purchasing power have significantly and negatively impacted our visits and gatherings with family, relatives, friends, and neighbors with whom we have strong ties and have still managed to maintain. In fact, some recent studies indicate that even young people's flirtations and initiation of new relationships have decreased by half due to economic reasons. Gatherings with friends and relatives are always postponed to a later date with an excuse. Young people try to maintain their connections with each other through social media instead of meeting in a cafe.'
White-collar Workers in Their 30s Experience the Most Loneliness
Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan noted that among all age groups, those who feel most lonely are white-collar workers in their 30s, and said, 'This is because university-aged young people and recent graduates still have a social circle of friends that has not yet been depleted. This group can find friends or potential partners around them who share similar tastes and have plenty of time. Moreover, since expectations and financial means are lower in youth, financial considerations are less decisive in establishing relationships compared to other age groups. However, in the years when ties with school are cut and one enters working life, people's close social spheres narrow, the number of those entering family life within peer groups increases, and their environment becomes filled with office colleagues whom they see more as rivals than friends. We also see the results of this growing loneliness in the user profiles of matchmaking sites. The 25-35 age group, whose social circle of friends has narrowed, forms the largest group on all dating platforms. As age progresses, the usage rates of these platforms decrease as the proportion of those in couple relationships increases. However, in older age groups as well, especially with the rapidly increasing divorce rates in today's society, the individualism of capitalist society, and the development of technology and services supporting solitary living, living alone emerges as an important option.'