Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, met with the people of Antalya. Tarhan, who was a guest at the “Family Communication” program organized by the Antalya Governorship, Kepez Municipality, and the Healthy Life Association, shared insights on the importance of sustainable healthy communication in the family. Tarhan pointed out that the family, once a nest of love, has now become a nest of trust, emphasizing the importance of positive communication in family relations. Tarhan noted the necessity of trying to solve problems by thinking about how to turn them into opportunities rather than seeing them as threats, stating that choosing a spouse who deals with positives rather than negatives is important for family peace. Tarhan added that the magical concept of family communication is positive communication.
Choosing a spouse who deals with positives is important for family peace…
Within the scope of the "Being a Good Person in Four Seasons" social innovation model project, carried out in cooperation with Antalya Governorship, Kepez Municipality, Antalya Healthy Life Association (SAYAD), and Üsküdar University, Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan met with the people of Antalya.
The people of Antalya showed great interest in the "Family Communication" talk held at Kepez Mimar Sinan Congress Center, moderated by journalist Şaban Özdemir.
In the program, where obstacles to healthy family communication were comprehensively discussed, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan highlighted many topics.
Lying should not be seen as a problem-solving method…
Tarhan noted that lying damages trust in the family, stating that the family, once described as a nest of love, has now become a nest of trust. Tarhan stated that honesty is now perceived as a virtue and that the sense of justice is most damaged along with lying. Tarhan added that anything that disrupts justice in a relationship can lead to lies, and even a small lie can have a domino effect. Emphasizing the importance for family members to avoid lying and not to use it as a problem-solving method, Tarhan said, “If a person who lies has no qualms of conscience, that person is malicious. Gather all evils in a room; believe me, a lie opens its door.”
Narcissism is egoism transformed into a personality trait
In the program where questions from participants were answered, Prof. Dr. Tarhan also emphasized narcissism. Tarhan stated that narcissism, known as the disease of our age, is becoming widespread among young people, and said, “Especially with the influence of social media, people do not feel the need to control their narcissistic tendencies. Narcissism is egoism transformed into a personality trait. That is, everyone has an innate narcissistic core. Narcissistic personality traits include seeing oneself as special, important, and superior. They feel a sense of admiration for themselves and are closed to criticism.”
The biggest organ of a narcissistic person is their ego…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that narcissistic individuals attribute all faults to external causes because they are closed to criticism, and also stated that narcissism is a disease of leaders. Tarhan said, “Narcissism is very common among managers. If a manager is closed to criticism, the problem grows internally, and eventually, faulty decisions are made. The biggest mistakes arise from decisions made under narcissistic influences because narcissistic blindness occurs. The biggest organ of a narcissistic person is their ego. In narcissistic blindness, a person hurts their loved ones in the same way. Due to this hurtful behavior, these individuals eventually become lonely. Therefore, the biggest consequence of narcissism is loneliness. When they have power, they are not alone; they have fake friends by their side. But when they lose their power, their friends around them decrease.”
Marriages of narcissists don't work…
Tarhan stated that narcissistic individuals only see themselves as special and important, and said, “They don't like anyone at work, they go home and don't like their spouse. They don't like anyone and constantly criticize. After a while, these people are excluded and become lonely. We see that marriages with narcissistic people are difficult to sustain. In fact, their marriages don't work, they get divorced. Most are like this, unable to maintain a marriage. Behind this is the programming of these wrong mental codes.”
It doesn't burn itself, but burns everything it touches…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that narcissism is a personality type that causes people to make mistakes, and said, “These people lack empathy. They have empathy blindness, emotional blindness, and deafness. They cannot read or understand the feelings, desires, or needs of others. If someone in front of them cries, they cannot understand why. Narcissistic people are called Teflon people. Teflon itself doesn't burn, but it burns everything it touches. The Teflon person also doesn't get bothered themselves. They are ruthless and merciless. These people are left alone in old age, and suicide is very common. This illness is a personality disorder.”
Children take their parents as role models
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan reminded that parental attitudes are important in a child's personal development, and stated that certain points should be considered to prevent the development of a child's narcissistic side: “The first education in narcissism begins in childhood. If you raise a child by praising their personality, saying 'You are a lion, a tiger, you are one of a kind, there is no child like you,' that child becomes narcissistic. Narcissistic individuals also have a characteristic; they are afraid of being ordinary. With the motivation to be successful, to be at the forefront, to be superior, they fall into depression or commit suicide at the slightest failure. They experience what we call narcissistic injury. They get hurt by very small things. Some people have invested their narcissism in their bodies. They say there should be zero flaws in my body. They panic with a small flaw. A sense of perfectionism also accompanies this. This is also a type of narcissism. How should we raise our child so that they are not narcissistic? First, empathy skills should be developed. It is necessary to explain that no one should be underestimated and that every human being is valuable. It needs to be taught in schools that true value comes from a person doing things through their own efforts. Children choose their parents as role models and learn from them, whatever their parents' personalities are. Therefore, parents need to correct their own narcissistic tendencies.”
For family peace, a spouse role that deals with positives rather than negatives should be chosen…
In his speech, Tarhan mentioned a study conducted by the University of Nebraska in America, stating, “Three common characteristics of happy marriages were identified in a region of Central America. First, they spend a lot of time together. Second, positive words such as appreciation and approval are used frequently. And third, couples go to church together. These three important points are actually a positive approach that one should adopt as a philosophy of life to make one's marriage happy. Positive communication is important. For example, a problem arises within the family. When solving that problem, it is very important to show a positive approach, trying to solve it by thinking about how to turn that situation into an opportunity rather than seeing it as a threat. When one of the parties does this, the other party is positively affected. If we want the family to be peaceful, it is important that we choose a spouse role that deals with positives rather than negatives. We can say that the magical concept of family communication is positive communication.”
When there is love, fear diminishes…
Tarhan also drew attention to parent-child relationships, talking about the importance of horizontal relationships. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, ''Togetherness is important instead of authoritarianism. Today, approaching the younger generation authoritatively means losing them. You need to take them by your side and walk together. This way, the child feels valued. Trust is also very important in a family. We used to call the family a nest of love; now we call it a nest of trust. For there to be trust, there must be love, and when there is love, fear diminishes.''
Where is emotional investment made at home?
Tarhan said that whatever emotional investment is made at home, that is a person's purpose and sacred thing, and added, “Whatever is at the top of our hearts is actually our purpose. In a family, whatever is most valued at home—money, fame, position, wealth—that is the sacred thing of the house. It is worshipped, that is the purpose. Therefore, whatever we have made our greatest emotional investment in at home, that is our purpose, our sacred thing. Attention should be paid to this.”
Female and male brains work differently
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that in his book "Women's Psychology," which met its readers in 2005 after two years of work, he tried to analyze the biological differences and similarities between women and men, as well as their identity-based differences and similarities, and explained female-male similarities and differences with neuroscience.
Tarhan, drawing attention to scientific references, said, “The brain is the boss of our body. Under stress, a woman's brain tries to relax by sharing. A man's brain retreats to its mental sanctuary and tries to relax that way. It is thought that one talks too much, and the other remains silent. Communication breaks down; there is a lack of understanding. There is a lack of empathy; I tried to address these in that book. Details can be found in the book with references.”
The family became the biggest victim of modernism…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to the recently debated doctrine of gender equality, stated that global capital advocates the project of degendering as part of its project to reduce the world population. Tarhan noted that when household fragility is evaluated, the number of 5-person families has decreased recently, while the proportion of 1-person families has increased, indicating that people are becoming lonelier. Emphasizing that the family has been the biggest victim of modernism, Tarhan stated that mating is genetic, and marriage is a cultural transmission. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that reducing male-female relationships to competitive relationships in the women's liberation movement can create negative effects in family life, and said, “Male-female relationships should be accepting relationships. They should be 'accept and manage' type relationships. First, we will accept, and then we will complement. Otherwise, it turns into ego wars in the form of 'What you say, what I say, your mother, my mother, your right, my right…etc.' Both family life and social life. We can only solve sexist distinctions through dialogue. Our biggest enemy is prejudice, our greatest need is dialogue. This also means establishing good relationships in male-female interactions. A relationship between a woman and a man means developing healthy cooperation skills.”