Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the aim of parents is not to make their children happy, but to prepare them for life, emphasizing that children raised by parents who say yes to their every demand never learn to manage their emotions.
In the symposium, which was attended by numerous experts in their fields, renowned American psychoanalysts, Emotional Muscle Technique Founders Psychologist Kerry Kelly Novick and Jack Novick, also participated with their speeches titled “Emotional Muscle and Emotional Awareness.”
The “Emotional Awareness Symposium” organized by Üsküdar Üniversitesi in collaboration with the Psychology Research and Education Association was held. The symposium, with its main theme “Children, Education and Journey to the Future,” brought together expert names in the field.
The opening of the Symposium, held at Üsküdar Üniversitesi Central Campus Nermin Tarhan Conference Hall, was made by Halide İncekara, Üsküdar Üniversitesi Rector's Advisor and Director of the Research and Application Center for Gifted Children (ÖYEMER), Clinical Psychologist Çağla Tuğba Selveroğlu, Chairman of the Board of the Psychology Research and Education Association (PAVED), and Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan: “Don't just center your life strategy on your own interests!”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector and Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stated that efforts are also made in mental health to prevent people from falling ill. He recounted how world-renowned heart surgeon Michael DeBakey, in his book published in his 90s, explained “How not to become a heart patient,” saying, “I have performed heart surgeries on one thousand five hundred people so far and contributed to their recovery. But if I had my current wisdom, I would have wanted to write this book in my 30s or 35s. Because if I had written it, I would have contributed to one and a half million people not becoming heart patients after reading this book. This would have been more important.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that the cost of interventions after getting sick is high, and he told young people, 'Don't just center your life strategy on your own interests; consider the interests of your country, family, and society.'
Pointing to the emotional muscle study discussed at the symposium, Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that this study was inspired by the psychoanalytic school.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that the new field of psychoanalysis today is 'neuropsychoanalysis,' and that it is a study that reveals the biological evidence of psychoanalysis.
Tarhan: “Existing pathways in the brain should also be activated…”
Noting that 'muscle' is used as a metaphor in emotional muscle studies, Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that just as muscles in the body are strengthened in physical therapy, existing pathways and networks in the brain should also be activated.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that children cannot learn to be moral or empathetic unless it is requested of them, adding that delayed gratification and emotional education are important.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that human infants can walk at 1 year old and distinguish between good and bad at 15 years old, adding, “Human infants are born psychologically premature. Because they are born premature, they learn everything from life. They learn sociality, sexuality.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan: “There is prolonged adolescence now. Forty-year-olds are still adolescents.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that children learn from their parents through social learning and that the family is their first school, stating that children acquire more than 50% of their knowledge between the ages of 0 and 3.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that behaviors called mischief in children are a way of learning about life, also pointing out the importance of regulating emotions. “There is prolonged adolescence now. Forty-year-olds are still adolescents. This is very common among men,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, explaining that individuals achieve a balance between emotion and logic as they mature.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan emphasized the importance of the balance between mind and heart, stating that emotions are like the engine of a car, and logic is like the steering wheel.
Genetically, there is no paternal hormone…
Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “Without the frontal lobe of the brain, there would be no civilization. The emotional muscle that develops morality and personality is in the frontal lobe of the brain. Developing these muscles is important. Because children are born premature, the parents' responsibility is immense. Genetically, there is no paternal hormone, but there is a maternal hormone. Its name is oxytocin. It is secreted most in breastfeeding mothers.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that oxytocin is a bonding hormone and is used as a spray in couples.
Resilience training also needs to be given to children
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that children also learn moral concepts, explained, “It has been seen that raising a child whose every need is met and to whom every demand is affirmed is wrong. The aim of parents is not to make the child happy, but to prepare them for life. Therefore, resilience training also needs to be given to children. If you say yes to everything your child says, you will have a child who uses drugs in the future. You will have a child who cannot control anger. Children raised by 'yes-saying' parents never learn to manage their emotions.”
Children raised with a focus on fear grow up to be aggressive and angry
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also touched upon children raised with fear, noting that children raised with a focus on fear, such as fear of parents or fear of social disapproval, are aggressive and angry.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that love is used like a stick in these children, and it is a conditional love, reminding that children are wrongly raised with “fear of Allah,” when it should actually be the fear of “losing Allah's love.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan explained that such children see their mother, father, and creator as punishers, and when they feel themselves, they begin to completely reject them, adding that children raised with fear start to disregard their parents at the first opportunity and become aggressive and unruly.
Empathy should also be taught to children
Prof. Dr. Tarhan emphasized the need to teach children the distinction between emotions and thoughts at an early age, also stating that empathy should be taught to children.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that children should be raised with principles, and that the topic of “don't act as if you are the only person in society” should also be taught to children.
It's important for individuals to ask themselves 'How are you?'…
Clinical Psychologist Çağla Tuğba Selveroğlu, Chairman of the Board of the Psychology Research and Education Association (PAVED), stated that it is important for individuals to ask themselves 'How are you?', adding that people can experience both positive and challenging emotions simultaneously.
Selveroğlu emphasized the importance of emotional awareness so that suppressed emotions do not get stuck in the body, stomach, head, or joints and cause illness, stressing that emotional literacy should be taught in schools.
İncekara: “We can neither manage our own emotions nor the emotions of those we live with.”
Halide İncekara, Üsküdar Üniversitesi Rector's Advisor and Director of the Research and Application Center for Gifted Children (ÖYEMER), pointed out the importance of managing emotions in her speech.
“Do we lie to ourselves? For example, do we say we are good when we are bad, or bad when we are good? How do we determine our own measure of goodness?” asked Halide İncekara, stating that she participated in the symposium as a student.
İncekara said, “Social activities, hospitals, politics, everything can find physical solutions, but we are all helpless in finding emotional solutions. We can neither manage our own emotions nor the emotions of those we live with. We think we are managing, but we are all deceiving each other. The more we deceive, the unhappier we become. In fact, while deceiving, we are also being deceived.”
“Emotional Muscle and Emotional Awareness”
Psychologists Kerry Kelly Novick and Jack Novick, founders of the Emotional Muscle Technique, renowned child psychologists recognized by international universities affiliated with the University of Michigan Medical School in the USA, also participated online in the symposium, delivering their speeches titled “Emotional Muscle and Emotional Awareness.”
Kerry Kelly Novick said, “You have worked your emotional muscles extensively to prepare this training program. The emotional muscle represents a positive cycle that begins with clinical work, then is used in educational and living environments, and provides insights that we can bring back to psychotherapy. You are part of a long and honorable tradition of interaction between psychodynamic therapy ideas and education.”
Jack Novick said, “Integrated communication began 100 years ago in Vienna with Anna Freud giving her kindergarten seminars. Child therapists and teachers discussed, researched, and applied these in kindergartens and child care centers for poor children and immigrants. In the 20th century, Anna Freud established many centers and schools worldwide to serve the needs of children and families. True mastery and confidence is trusting that you can build or create new emotional muscles when needed.”
A family photo was taken
After the opening, a book was presented to Clinical Psychologist Çağla Tuğba Selveroğlu and Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, and a family photo was taken with the participants.
Emotional awareness was discussed in all its aspects during the symposium sessions
At the symposium, Expert Psychologist Bilge Kol presented “A Journey to Better Understand Yourself and Your Relationships,” Clinical Psychologist Kıvılcım Kıran presented “Emotional Awareness in Parent-Child Relationships,” Dr. Lect. Member, Clinical Psych. Fatma Turan presented “The Psychology of Emotions,” Clinical Psychologist Çağla Tuğba Selveroğlu presented “The Role of Emotional Awareness in Children's Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Muscle Development,” Genetic Expert Büşra T. Kazan and Expert Psych. Merve Onurbilen Kunter presented “Intergenerational Transmission and Emotional Awareness in Family Relationships,” Lecturer Hale Güneş presented “The Impact of Emotional Awareness Training on Institutions/Organizations, Classroom Discipline, and Relationships,” Dr. Ayşegül Liman Kaban presented “The Future and Innovation of Emotional Awareness in Education,” Clinical Psychologist Bahar Çakır presented “The Contribution of Emotional Awareness to Psychotherapy Processes,” Expert Physio. Umut Aybarç presented “The Contribution of Emotional Awareness to Ergotherapy Processes,” Dr. Sümeyye Ertek presented “The Impact of Emotional Awareness on Health,” and Dr. Ümit Ertem, Expert Clinical Psychologist Saadet Aybeniz Yıldırım will present “The Impact of Emotional Awareness on Healthcare Professionals.”