Addressing the issue of being obsessed with showing off, psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Being obsessed with showing off is psychologically a pathological defense mechanism. It is an unhealthy pathological defense mechanism. That is, it provides a false sense of comfort. It provides applause at that moment. However, after a while, a false personality develops in the person. They start to constantly feed on showing off. These individuals fall into depression when they lose attention.”
Referring to people who have developed an obsession with likes, Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “When someone posts more than 3 things about themselves, showing themselves, their baby, child, or family on their social media per day, this is considered a narcissistic attitude.”
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan evaluated the topic of being obsessed with showing off.
Tarhan stated that the American Psychological Association made an official statement regarding individuals who display themselves more than three times a day on their social media accounts as having narcissistic personality traits, and pointed to the 'feeling of being important and valuable.'
“Some people satisfy the feeling of being important and valuable by being famous, some by being powerful, some by having a position of fame, and some by being pointed out in society in some way,” said Tarhan, adding that if these people are not worthy of the feeling of being important and valuable, their self-perception cannot handle it, leading to situations that could be described as 'vulgar.'
Exaggerated life is a distorted method of ego gratification
Tarhan also noted that because these individuals are not worthy of power, position, money, and attention, they can act exaggeratedly, saying, “From the outside, you might say, ‘How powerful that man is!’ or ‘How brave!’ Yet, they play the role of being brave because they are struggling with inner fear. These individuals play the role of being rich, being powerful. They play roles that are applauded, and they feed on applause. These people actually see themselves as unimportant and worthless in their inner world, but they express themselves to society by playing the role of being important and valuable, and they gain attention, thus gratifying their ego. This is a distorted method of ego gratification.”
Tarhan stated that if something is shown in an exaggerated way, it actually indicates that they are not worthy of it, saying, “They think they are worthy, but their psychological structure is not. Now, consider fruit trees; if an apple tree has many apples, its branches bend, but a tree with few apples holds its head high. Its branches are upright. Because these people lack the maturity to carry it, they cannot show humility. Because they perceive themselves in an exaggerated way, their self-perception is inconsistent with their self-esteem. Because they see their ideal selves as highly exaggerated based on their current selves, and the more they see it as exaggerated, the more they behave artificially. Because they behave artificially, they come across as cold, their interest is conspicuous, it remains disproportionate, and this time they get the exact opposite of what they wanted.”
Tarhan also noted that those who exaggerate what they have achieved do not deserve it psychologically and emotionally, saying, “Perhaps they earned money and see themselves as deserving, but how they earned it is another matter. Psychologically, they do not deserve that attention, position, or applause.”
Praise children's efforts and behaviors, not their personalities
Tarhan also explained that they tell parents, when praising and raising their children, ‘Never praise their personalities,’ adding:
“If we praise their personalities, children get caught up in feelings like ‘Oh, I’m so great.’ However, we say, ‘Praise their behaviors and efforts,’ ‘Look how much you studied, what good grades you got. Look, you went and helped, you did this, how nice.’ If you praise behavior and effort, the child learns things, but if you praise their personality, their ego inflates, and they say, ‘I already know, I’m already the best.’
Generally, these individuals are those with narcissistic personality structures. They actually work very hard and enjoy being called smart and talented, and they do things in a way that will earn them applause rather than just being smart, and they do receive applause. However, in the background, because they don't deserve it emotionally and psychologically, they cannot digest it. What does a person do if they eat something their stomach cannot digest? They react. Intestines get upset, vomiting occurs. Here too, because they don't deserve it psychologically, they show an exaggerated reaction and, we can say, they encounter the exact opposite of what they feared and expected.”
Is being obsessed with showing off a psychological problem?
Addressing the issue of being obsessed with showing off, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan continued:
“Being obsessed with showing off is psychologically a pathological defense mechanism. It is an unhealthy pathological defense mechanism. That is, it provides a false sense of comfort. It provides applause at that moment. However, after a while, a false personality develops in the person. They start to constantly feed on showing off. These individuals fall into depression when they lose attention.”
Tarhan recounted a question asked in Hollywood, ‘What is the nightmare of an actress who has reached 40?’ and the answer being ‘reaching 40,’ noting that the interest there is not solely in personality but also sexist. If the interest were in personality, it should continue more as one matures with age.
Tarhan stated that famous people internalize what they experience and possess, but individuals with feelings of inadequacy and insufficiency pamper their egos when they receive attention, start exaggerated behavior, and disproportionately expose themselves.
Culturally inadequate people become vulgar if wealth is too much
“That is, they ask a question, and the question they ask is one that praises themselves. They enter society and see those who do not praise them as enemies. This is a narcissistic personality structure. These people feed on praise,” said Tarhan, adding that these individuals also react excessively to criticism.
Tarhan noted that these culturally inadequate people become vulgar if they acquire too much wealth, and if they have too much knowledge, that knowledge makes them arrogant after a while.
“If a person exaggerates a topic, if they don't know the difference between their self-perception and their ideal self, if they know their current state but not what they imagine, if the gap is wide, these people suffer the hunger, poverty, and thirst for that ideal self,” said Prof. Dr. Tarhan, adding that these individuals do artificial things and, because they do artificial things, they stand out a lot.
Psychoswot analysis for self-knowledge, discovering strengths and weaknesses
Tarhan stated that having an ego ideal is a good thing and expressed that they recommend psychoswot analysis to individuals so they can have an ego ideal, know their true self, and understand their weaknesses.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “What's in psychoswot analysis? SWOT analysis is something used by business managers. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, and know the opportunities awaiting you, know the threats, but while doing these, you must first know your purpose. A person has an ego ideal. What kind of person do you want to be when you reach the end of your life? What kind of personality do you want to live this life with? What do you want to accumulate when you reach the end of your life? If a person has an ego ideal, as they progress through life, good things and bad things will come their way. They can say no to bad things. But individuals with weak personalities, those with a weak personality infrastructure, do not see their own shortcomings and flaws. They always see their good sides and exaggerate them. They exaggerate the successes they achieve in that way, meaning they exaggerate their areas of talent, but because it is an exaggeration, every exaggeration feeds its opposite.”
Narcissistic blindness…
Tarhan also noted that excessive desires cause people to make mistakes, saying, “Because there is excessive desire, they make mistakes. And at that moment, they become as if hypnotized, they don't see them. That is called reality blindness. It is called narcissistic blindness. So, it's blindness. For example, if you are in this room, you are looking for a pin, the pin is on the table, but you say, ‘It won't be on it’ and you don't look, you search everywhere in the room, you can't find it, because it's there. Because you don't look, there is blindness. These people also do not look at their own mistakes. These are individuals who are closed to criticism.”
Tarhan explained that large companies pay hefty fees to consulting firms to find their mistakes, saying, “So that they can find our mistakes, our wrongdoings, and we can correct them. So that we don't make mistakes...”
Individuals closed to criticism continue to make mistakes
Tarhan stated that individuals closed to criticism continue to make mistakes and see criticism as a threat, saying, “If they have power and attention in their hands, this continues temporarily, but after a while, it explodes somewhere. Or these types of things experience rapid growth for a short period, and it is not sustainable success in the medium to long term. These individuals, actually, artistic personalities can be successful but cannot sustain it. They create destructive innovation. Destructive, they destroy both themselves and others. These people make destructive innovations. That is, by harming others, they can also harm themselves.”
Tarhan emphasized that when making decisions, people do not decide solely with rational intellect; intellect is not the only actor, emotions also exist, saying, “They act with their emotions, and emotions need to be taken into account when making decisions. When investing, they invest in what they like, they invest if they feel safe. A high-trust society grows more advanced. Authoritarian societies are different, they cannot grow as much. Even if they grow, they cannot sustain it for a long time. In authoritarian societies, highly secure individuals invest and shop if they feel safe. For this reason, this has changed strategies in the world regarding this matter.”
More than 3 posts a day is considered a narcissistic attitude
Addressing the issue of being concerned with likes and follower counts, Tarhan continued:
“For example, a person opens social media accounts for their company's account, for a topic related to their profession, or for any strategic goal they have, they deal with it, develop strategies for it, and in such cases, they get help from social media agencies.
Because social media features short things explained in a few words, it breaks away from its meaning and context. Since topics are disconnected, it is very prone to misunderstanding, in such a situation, it is important for the person to be able to progress with professional help in this regard. Other than that, let's say a person is not professionally interested but is interested in social media. Likes have become an obsession for them. When they post more than 3 things about themselves, showing themselves, their baby, child, or family per day, this is considered a narcissistic attitude.”
“This person feeds on either praise, applause, likes, or attention. This is a huge weakness for that person,” said Tarhan, adding that social media offers this opportunity to everyone, but most are not mature enough to handle it.
Emphasizing the importance of parental supervision in children, Tarhan said, “In this era, being obsessed with likes on social media is enough to bring disaster upon a person.”
Dominating society with digital capitalism
Tarhan also touched upon digital capitalism, explaining that society is being dominated through digital means using methods like artificial intelligence, and global capital is seriously working on how to rule and manage as they wish.
Prof. Dr. Tarhan stated that capitalism makes people rich but not happy, and continued:
“It is being investigated where we made a mistake. I believe it will be realized soon. Humanity will realize its mistakes and contribute to correcting them. But digital capitalism, understanding capitalism... That is, let's be the subject, not the object, of social media, of the digital world; let's be the subject. Let's use it for our goals. It shouldn't use us. There is voluntary imperialism right now.”