Those with friends are happier, while positive relationships contribute to psychological well-being. Assist. Prof. Dr. Fatma Turan, stating that humans, as social beings, want to communicate, points out that individuals who are in communication with their environment from birth need relationships to sustain their existence. “Establishing healthy relationships with those around us, being aware of our own emotions and values, provides significant contributions for us to cope with feelings of loneliness,” says Turan, drawing attention to the preservation of personal boundaries for a healthy friendship. Turan also underlines the necessity of establishing real friendships instead of virtual ones…
Assist. Prof. Dr. Fatma Turan from Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, Department of Psychology, made evaluations about the place and importance of friendship in human life.
Positive relationships contribute to our psychological well-being
According to a study, those who have friends are much happier. This reveals that those with good relationships are happier.
Positive Psychology Coordinator Assist. Prof. Dr. Fatma Turan, stating that the relationships a person establishes with others in life hold an important place, said: “Positive relationships we establish with those around us in our daily lives make us feel happy and significantly contribute to our psychological well-being. Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, states that individuals with a sufficient level of psychological well-being exhibit characteristics such as experiencing positive emotions more frequently in their lives, being able to form deep and fulfilling relationships with others, believing their life has a purpose and meaning, feeling successful, being able to passionately commit to activities, and enjoying themselves to the point of forgetting time while engaged in them. From this perspective, we can state that individuals who can establish relationships based on mutual trust, respect, and love with those around them feel better and make significant contributions to their psychological well-being. Having people around us who are aware of our values, emotions, and sensitivities, and engaging in relationships with them within a framework of mutual trust, respect, and love, significantly contributes to our happiness.”
“We need relationships to sustain our existence”
Turan, reminding that humans, as social beings, want to communicate and therefore loneliness is not exclusive to humans, stated: “From the moment we are born, we exhibit many behaviors to assert our existence and to have our existence recognized and valued by others. A baby, through crying, tells us that it exists, has needs, and these needs must be met for its life to continue. As a result of meeting both our biological and emotional needs, we try to find meaning and create purpose in this life. In other words, from the moment we are born, we are in interaction and communication with those around us, and we need relationships to sustain our existence in life. Over time, through the relationships we establish with people around us, and through modeling and learning, we also learn to form relationships and continue our lives as social beings. At this point, establishing healthy relationships with those around us, being aware of our own emotions and values, provides significant contributions for us to cope with feelings of loneliness.”
In a real friendship, distances do not matter
Turan stated that mutual trust, valuing values and personal sensitivities, respecting personal boundaries, and love form the foundation of a friendship bond, and explained: “In a good friendship, it is very important that a person wishes for the same good things for the other person as they wish for themselves, and that they do not want the other person to experience negative situations that they would not want in their own life. In a real friendship, distances do not matter, and in our society, there is a saying, ‘I would come even if my hands were covered in blood.’ Here, the importance and value given to friendship are emphasized, stating that a person can overcome many difficulties to support their friend when needed, according to their own strength and abilities.”
Concepts of mutual limited kindness and limited sacrifice are important
Assist. Prof. Dr. Fatma Turan, drawing attention to the fact that mutual trust, love, respect, valuing sensitivities, and preserving personal boundaries constitute important cornerstones in maintaining and healthily continuing a friendship, stated: “From this point, the concepts of mutual limited kindness and limited sacrifice are also very important in a friendship. By 'limited,' we mean that it is important to express our actions clearly and explicitly, both materially and morally, regarding what we can do for the other person's needs, without intruding into their private life in the name of friendship. Questions like 'Is there anything I can do for you? How can I help you with this?' are very valuable. We often misunderstand the concept of friendship. Saying, 'I'll do anything for you, I'll meet all your needs,' is not realistic. None of us have all the power, nor do we have magic wands. Each of us has our own realities, and we must regulate our relationships and express our behaviors aware of these realities.”
Friendship and acquaintance relationships are different
“People can form acquaintances with individuals who have different perspectives, values, and sensitivities,” said Turan. “However, in friendships, having similar emotions, thought structures, life purpose and meaning, and similar values and sensitivities holds a very important place. In a friendship, an individual can make personal disclosures about themselves and request help for their problems, whereas in an acquaintance relationship, boundaries are more distinct.”
As one increases self-awareness, they can form healthier relationships
Turan, who also evaluated whether the proverb ‘Know your friend and your enemy’ is applicable in real life, explained: “Rather than concepts of friend or enemy, we can reflect this saying in our daily behaviors as follows: As a person increases their self-awareness within life events, they also define their boundaries within relationships and can form healthier relationships. From this perspective, an individual can invest more effort in relationships and people where they feel respected, their emotions, thoughts, values, and sensitivities are valued, and their motivation is boosted, while keeping a distance from relationships and people who do not possess the characteristics we mentioned.”
Real friendships should be built instead of virtual ones
Regarding the effects of increasing digitalization on the course of friendship and happiness, Assist. Prof. Dr. Fatma Turan stated that it is not possible to stay away from the digital environment in our daily lives: “In this environment, individuals can present themselves differently from who they are and far from their true selves. To correctly identify the person opposite us and protect ourselves, we must act very carefully and meticulously in the digital environment. Especially in a virtual environment, it is crucial that we act more restrictively towards newly met individuals and do not share personal information and visuals about ourselves.”
Emphasizing that friendship relationships gain even more importance in a digitalizing world, Turan concluded her words as follows:
“Instead of 'as if' lives, we should strive to establish relationships with people with whom we can truly feel our emotions and who we know will be there when we need them, and we should invest our efforts in this direction. Generally, we may make mistakes in our relationships, and this is a very normal situation. However, recognizing our mistakes in relationships, being able to discuss them openly and clearly with the other person, and finding common ground in a conciliatory manner will significantly contribute to the healthier continuation of both our acquaintance and friendship relationships.