Is the unhappiness most people complain about actually a choice? Could we be happier than we are right now if we wanted to? Is happiness something that can be learned? Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan answers these questions while also giving clues to happiness…
Are you happy? According to the results of the "Life Satisfaction Survey" conducted in our country, the proportion of individuals aged 18 and over who declared themselves happy was 49.6 percent this year. This means one out of every two people is unhappy… The World Happiness Report, determined by an assessment among 147 countries with the contribution of the United Nations, also reveals this. In the annually repeated report, Turkey ranked 94th this year. So why?
No, I will not write a pessimistic article. Because today is a holiday… On the contrary, I will ask the expert in this field, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, about happiness. Prof. Dr. Tarhan, whom we know as the Founding Rector of Üsküdar Üniversitesi and Chairman of the Board of NPİSTANBUL Hastanesi, tries to give clues about personal and societal happiness in the 39 books he has authored, hundreds of articles, conferences he has attended, and lectures he has given at the university.Let's remember the rules of positive psychology, which has become popular in recent years in the field of mental health, and decode the secrets of happiness together with Prof. Tarhan…
THE MEANING OF HAPPINESS HAS CHANGED
Professor, I will start with a simple but very difficult question: What is happiness?
Pleasure, peace, and happiness… These are concepts that are often confused. Pleasure is separate, peace is separate, happiness is separate. Happiness is that moment. For example, you eat chocolate and you are happy. It passes, but what is important is for happiness to be sustainable. There are also those who perceive happiness as chasing after pleasure, constantly cheering up and having fun. In reality, the feeling of happiness is closely related to the feeling of inner happiness-peace.
Are people unaware that they are happy, or are they truly unhappy? Is there an insatiability? What is the reason for the atmosphere we are in?
The capitalist system has raised the level of expectations in the world. Globally, GDP has increased compared to 50 years ago. In the USA, it went from 20 thousand dollars to 70 thousand. In Turkey, it rose from 3 thousand to 13-15 thousand. There's a statistic from between 1950 and 2000; material prosperity is increasing, but happiness is not. The reason happiness isn't increasing is high expectations and a fast-paced life. A pleasure-oriented hedonistic philosophy of life. The meaning of happiness has changed. It became like this: What you like is good; what you don't like is bad. There should be no problems in life, there should be zero problems.
GEN Z FINDS HAPPINESS BY AVOIDING DIFFICULTIES
So, a conformist life philosophy prevails today.
Yes, but the expectation of "live well, live beautifully, live fast" does not conform to the realities of life. In life, there is both good and bad. There are difficulties, and there are easiness. The current philosophy of happiness teaches to be happy by avoiding difficulties. This is the understanding of happiness for Gen Z. That's why we are unhappy. However, positive psychology teaches to overcome difficulties and learn from them. In fact, every difficulty is called a "developmental trauma." A person experiences a difficulty; they overcome that difficulty and emerge having learned something. Positive psychology approaches trauma, difficulties, and illnesses not with a 'threat dimension,' but by revealing the opportunity dimension. It teaches how to manage this, how to turn it into something positive and suitable for oneself. For example, when a flood comes, instead of waiting and muttering, "Damn it, why did this flood come?", it teaches you to grab a log and try to reach your destination. This is actually what we need to do in life to be happy.
When we look at it this way, what should we do to feel better under our current circumstances?
I believe there are three types of people. One is the sponge type: Always complaining, crying, always discontent… These are people who always see the negative. Well-intentioned, self-sacrificing, but they absorb all the stress and negativity like a sponge. They become overly emotional, depressive.
Then there are the Teflon type of people. As you know, a Teflon pan itself does not burn, but it burns what it touches. These are people with narcissistic personality disorder. These individuals stand firm in the face of events. They are not shaken themselves, but because they cannot be flexible, they get scratched and become useless with the slightest thing. The characteristic of Teflon pans is that once scratched, they can no longer be used.
And there are the rubber type of people. These people are flexible and return to their original state. They can learn from events, are not surprised, are not hurt, and can cope. To learn this, one needs to invest, put in mental effort, allocate time, and be patient.
DOING GOOD TO OTHERS IS LIKE AN ANTIDEPRESSANT
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explains that there are two kinds of happiness, as the famous philosopher Aristotle stated 2,500 years ago:
One is "hedonic happiness," which is pleasure happiness. Let me buy this, let me be happy; let me spend this, let me be happy; let me travel, let me be happy. Happiness that is always tied to material goals. This happiness is dopamine happiness. Concrete goals cause dopamine to be secreted in the brain, but once it's over, the brain wants it again. Like the happiness provided by cocaine or gambling addiction. You are incredibly happy while performing the action, but once it's over, you want it again and become addicted.
Entertainment life does the same thing. However, dopamine happiness is not lasting. In contrast, Aristotle speaks of eudaimonic happiness, that is, meaning happiness. This means being able to be happy with an idea and an ideal. This is also called serotonin happiness.
It secretes serotonin in the brain. It becomes sustainable happiness. Just like antidepressant medications. Because these medications increase serotonin in the brain, their effect appears after two or three weeks. They show their effect slowly but are permanent. For true happiness, it is necessary to learn the distinction between these two.
When you learn this, you manage to be happy even if you are in prison, and you experience the same stable happiness even if you are in a palace. This kind of happiness is the best for our nervous system. Here, our parasympathetic nervous system works and tells the person "Calm down, everything is under control, everything is going well." This kind of happiness reduces the stress level in our body.
THE KEY TO HAPPINESS IS LEARNING PATIENCE
Patience, I believe, is what we are poorest in today. Young people, especially, are very impatient. Although, everyone is very impatient.
The word patience is also one of the areas we work on in happiness. We call this the ability to delay gratification, which means delaying desires. There are two kinds of patience: one negative, the other positive. With the concept of positive patience, you are asked to be patient while reaching your goal. For example, to pass your class, you will study, right? For this, you need to forgo entertainment and put in effort.
You think, 'I will take the exam, I will pass the class, so I need to solve 100 test questions right now.' This is positive patience. People do this by thinking about the reward at the end. Because the brain's reward system is valid in everything in our daily life. We cannot build a life by eliminating the reward system, especially in this era. We need to manage the brain's reward system well. The essence of true happiness is to think about the future reward, not the present one.
HAPPINESS IS CONTROLLED STRESS
Zero stress does not mean being happy. Being happy just by having fun is a hedonistic understanding of happiness. In a hedonistic understanding of happiness, you are happy while chasing your pleasures and doing what you like. Avoiding stress in everything you don't like is hedonistic happiness. But realistic happiness is to interpret any stress you encounter in a way that leads to happiness. In such situations, a person can recover and manage to be happy even in the most difficult event, without falling into despair. Happiness is entirely about one's perspective. We need to correctly define our own happiness.
HIGHLIGHT YOUR SPIRITUALITY
For absolute happiness, a person must be faithful, be part of a greater meaning, and surrender. Because there are things a person can or cannot control, things within their power or beyond it. In positive psychology, this is called radical acceptance. A person must see radical acceptance and say, in situations beyond their control, 'I can no longer change this, I must accept it.' Then they relax. For example, a person with a fear of flying, when traveling by plane from one place to another, becomes afraid, wondering 'Will it crash or not?' However, if you don't trust the pilot, you cannot be at ease. In life and in the universe, if one surrenders to a higher power, to a creator, one relaxes. In Anatolia, this is also a very ingrained saying: 'May whatever is best happen' they say…
CHANGE YOURSELF, NOT THE WORLD
People always try to change others. Individuals with high ego try to change everyone and everything. This is not possible, and as a result, stress increases. Such individuals also have a high sense of control. To achieve happiness, let's perform a SWOT analysis on ourselves. Let's identify our strengths and weaknesses. Let's determine our possibilities and opportunities. A person should draw their roadmap accordingly and seek help from an expert. In this regard, positive psychology especially guides people. Positive psychology is not Pollyannaism. We need to consider both the positive and negative and focus on the positive.
LEARN TO LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL
Tarhan stated that anxiety is high in people who constantly complain and feed on complaining, saying, “These people do not feel safe when they are not complaining. These are insatiable individuals who cannot manage to be happy with small things, do not appreciate what they have, and always focus on the negative. Such a mother would say to her child who scored 97, 'Why didn't you get 100?' These kinds of people also steal one's energy, and building relationships with them requires a special method. Complaining is one of the biggest enemies of happiness. These individuals feed on negative thought patterns and always write pessimistic scenarios. They are not happy, but they sustain themselves this way. If these people can be taught to see the good side, they will see the positive and negative together. Individuals need to learn to see the positive side and live with a positive focus. Such people have stereotypical judgments that form their life philosophy. In therapies, there are methods to change these thought patterns, and we try to teach them to these people,” he said.