The third 'Psychology Talks with Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan' event, organized by Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, Psychology Department, Psychology Club, and Positive Psychology Club, took place. In the program, which drew significant interest from participants, Tarhan reminded that one should not despair in the face of difficulties. Emphasizing that despair is the biggest enemy preventing human development, Tarhan noted that the feeling of hope is a magical concept in treatment, activating the inner pharmacy within an individual.
The third psychology talk took place at Üsküdar University South Campus Fuat Sezgin Conference Hall. The event was attended by faculty academics and students, especially Prof. Dr. Deniz Ülke Kaynak, Dean of Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences.
'The sense of accountability protects humans from evil'
Tarhan stated that social decay increases with the weakening of the sense of accountability; 'Social decay is seen seriously today. It is carried out as both psychological warfare and cultural psychological warfare. If people decay, society also decays. The sense of accountability protects humans from evil. The reason for the current social decay is the weakening of the sense of accountability in people. Methods in developed countries are open, transparent, and honest. They are accountable. A person who is open, transparent, and accountable does not decay. This means a conscientious responsibility. The deterioration of social norms also increases social decay. There are three types of norms. The first is legal norms determined by laws. The second is social norms, such as not going out in pajamas. These norms, shaped by traditions and customs, limit human relations. And there are conscientious norms. Conscientious norms are called morality. Social norms are determined by tradition. Legal norms are determined by law. Conscientious norms are also determined by morality. Morality is not innate; there is no genetics related to morality. It is epigenetic, learned later. If we can teach it to a child, it continues; if we cannot, those concepts disappear after 2-3 generations.'
'Parents should be pilot captains'
Tarhan stated that parents should be guiding; 'Parenthood does not mean being the captain for children. Parents should be pilot captains. That is, the captain is at the helm of the ship, the pilot captain stands next to them. If a situation arises, they intervene, they guide. Even a child who has just started walking tries to climb onto a chair. There are three types of maternal behavior here. The first one says, 'Let them climb.' They learn to climb by falling and getting up. After climbing, the child is very happy. They taste the joy of that success. They can say, 'I did it.' The feeling of autonomy develops. Another type of mother is Turkish-style motherhood. The child tries to climb, and the mother picks them up and places them. The child experiences no sense of achievement. She doesn't let them taste the joy of small things. Normally, she would stand next to them and say, 'Go on, climb; if anything happens, I'll hold you.' If this happens, both the child's sense of autonomy develops, and the bond with the mother is not broken. In the Western style, the bond between the child and the mother breaks. They grow up from a distance, the mother lets go, doesn't engage with the child. The child learns and climbs on their own, but family ties weaken. In our Turkish style, there is a clingy relationship. In such a situation, today's children have a high sense of autonomy. Especially with a mother who is overly controlling and interfering, the child wants to be more autonomous.'
'Home should be a safe space'
Tarhan emphasized that home should be a safe space; 'The human brain has two periods of booming. The first is between 0-3 years old. All hormones in the brain are activated. Synapses open. It is the period when the child is most active because hormones are surging. The second is adolescence, between 12-15 years old. In fact, adolescence has started a bit earlier. During those periods, the child has the right to make mistakes. We must recognize that right. If you raise a child like a lamb, it won't be healthy; they will explode later. Or they will attach themselves to someone else and go that way. So, we need to equip them with self-management skills. Home should be a safe space. That is, when they come home, they should see it as a sanctuary. This takes some time, don't rush. I mean, at this age, it will surely happen. Show them that you value and love them, but also state that you do not approve of their mistakes…'
'One of humanity's weakest points'
Tarhan drew attention to people with trust issues; 'Generally, individuals with trust issues have low self-confidence and self-perception. There is a self-perception and a targeted self. If these individuals have low self-perception, but their desired self is high, they become arrogant. If their self-perception is low, but their current self is an average self, they are depressive. Paranoid or suspicious individuals do not see their own mistakes and imagine themselves to be perfect. This is the art of self-deception. It is one of humanity's weakest points. They skillfully deceive themselves. They do this believingly, not knowingly. Entirely through an unconscious mechanism. In such situations, it is necessary to set boundaries in human relationships.'
Bad World Syndrome…
Tarhan spoke about the Bad World Syndrome; 'The Bad World Syndrome says, 'The world is going bad.' There are three types of reactions here. The first reaction is depressive, a collapse. They say, 'The world will go bad.' This happens to those who interpret the world's course negatively. The second reaction is to become aggressive and hostile. They act out, saying, 'How is it going bad?' The third is avoidance. They go and settle in New Zealand because the world is sinking. The world is not going bad at all. Good and evil in the world are sinusoidal. That is, currently there is social decay, evils have increased. When evils increase, the bad consequences of evil begin to appear.'
'The feeling of hope is the magical concept of treatment'
Tarhan stated that one should not despair against evil and difficulties; 'A child does not grow without suffering. They will suffer, they will grow. The child's first reaction upon birth is crying, the first feeling is fear. The first refuge is the mother, and this gives the child peace. That's why if you run away from pain, you harm yourself the most. So, there is no despair, there are despairing people. Therefore, there is no hopelessness. Two frogs fall into a milk churn. One of the frogs says, 'The world is bad, I can't escape.' It gives up and drowns. The other frog struggles, doesn't give up. After a while, a layer of fat forms from its struggles. It jumps out of the fat layer and escapes. This is an example of hope. Never fall into despair. The greatest enemy preventing human development is despair. If the feeling of hope persists, it has a 40 percent placebo effect. Even in treatment, the expectation of recovery and the feeling of hope provide 40 percent neurophysiological support. It activates the inner pharmacy, releasing endorphins, dopamine, serotonin. If a person believes in their recovery by 40 percent, with an additional 30 percent from treatment, it approaches 70 percent. That is, the expectation of recovery, the feeling of hope, is the magical concept of treatment.'
'Those who can control their desires succeed'
Tarhan stated that competition motivates individuals; 'When emotional maturity occurs, social maturity and behavioral maturity emerge. This is a learnable condition. It is neurobiologically present in humans. Humans always want more, but those who can control this desire or channel it in a positive direction succeed. In the capitalist system, the feeling of competition stems from this. So, competition is something that motivates people. Because it motivates, it directs people towards a goal. There are things within a person's power and things beyond their power. There are things they can change and things they cannot change. There are things they can control and things they cannot. In such situations, they need to accept and manage.'
'If you believe everything you hear, you make mistakes'
Tarhan reminded that one must have a filter; 'There is a saying in Anatolia, 'Don't believe what you hear, and believe only half of what you see.' Therefore, don't believe without questioning. If you believe everything you hear, you will make mistakes. And you must definitely question what you hear. Socrates has a filter. Someone says to Socrates, 'I will tell you something.' Socrates says, 'Pass it through my filter first, then tell me.' He asks, 'Is what is said true?' 'I don't know,' he says. He asks, 'Is it correct?' 'I don't know,' he says. He asks, 'Is it useful?' 'I don't know,' he says. 'Don't tell me something you don't know to be true, useful, or real,' he says. Therefore, you must have your own filter. This filter actually means the frontal lobe. It means managing the front part of the brain. The more we can develop our brain, the fewer mistakes we make. So, we need to develop our decision-making skills.'
We are currently at a time when goodness has hit rock bottom…
Tarhan stated that evil spreads quickly; 'We will start by fixing ourselves to fix the world. Tolstoy says, 'Start changing the world by changing yourself.' It truly is so. People of this era try to change everyone. We will start by educating the wild emotions within us. As this becomes widespread in society, social decay will decrease. We must be good examples to our surroundings. We are currently at a time when goodness has hit rock bottom. That is, the bad consequences of evil have begun to appear. So, the whole world will feel the need to become wiser. In fact, if the 20th century was the age of information, the 21st century must be the age of wisdom. That is, there is a lot of information, there is wealth, but there is greed. The threats of this era are very significant threats. When these improve in society, improvement begins. Evils spread quickly like a virus. Goodness develops slowly. Good deeds are like deltas in a river. They accumulate slowly; as sand and soil accumulate, islets form. The islets merge, forming a large fertile land. Goodness increases slowly like this.'
'Patience is a meditative act'
Tarhan drew attention to emotional literacy; 'The most important thing in social decay is a person's emotional literacy. An emotionally literate person reads and writes their own emotions, reads and writes others' emotions, and performs proper emotional regulation. Therefore, the most important thing is to manage emotions. For example, it is always said about patience that patience is not sitting aside and waiting. Patience is a meditative act. A meditative act is adapting to the speed and rhythm of nature. It is being able to adjust where to speed up and where to slow down. There may also be times when we need to tolerate some events.'