Noting that a person has a self in addition to their self-perception, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, said, “If self-perception is closest to the existing self, that person is at peace with themselves. For example, if self-perception is higher than the person's existing self, the person develops grandiosity. If the perceived self is lower than the existing self, the person becomes depressed, timid, fearful, and withdrawn. If the self-perception is the same as the existing self, this person is considered to have sound mental health,” he said. Pointing to the importance of being aware of one's strengths and weaknesses, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan emphasized that living in the present instead of focusing on the past or future would bring success.
Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, made an evaluation regarding the feelings of ego and self in the TRT RADYO 1 Ailece program.
The feeling of ego and self are confused
Stating that the feeling of 'I' is the feeling that makes us who we are, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explained that the feelings of ego and self are often confused, saying, “In Turkish, ego is generally referred to as 'ben' (I). However, there is ego and self, and we confuse these two. Self means the feeling of self. Ego is referred to as 'enaniyet' in Ottoman Turkish. When a person says 'I,' there is a feeling, and this is something that greatly surprises scientists in current research. This feeling of 'I' even overturns evolution. A human is born, and from birth, they always say 'I.' Sometimes, someone who says 'I' does not replace themselves with another 'I.' You see that there are no changes between 'selves' in a person.”
There is human identity in consciousness
Noting that there is quantum consciousness within the quantum universe, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “In that consciousness, there is a person's IP. This is clear; just as the IP makes a computer a computer, ensuring its accessibility, it is its identity. It is known as IP. That identity defines that computer. Wherever you take it, it is found with it. Similarly, 'I' is our feeling, our consciousness, that makes us who we are. It is the person's sense of self. The word spoken when one feels oneself as a separate unit, a separate individual in the universe, is the feeling of 'I'. In psychology, beyond the 'I', there is the superego. It is also known as conscience. It exists in a person as part of the self related to accountability.”
The id lives without rules
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “There is also a feeling in psychoanalysis known as the 'id,' which makes a person do both benevolent and malevolent things.” He continued, “That place lives without rules. There is lawlessness; all kinds of benevolent or malevolent feelings, thoughts, and impulses come. The ego has a regulatory function. These regulate those feelings, and the superego is the feeling that provides balance between the individual and their environment and society. The ego here is the regulatory function; that is, the most important feature of the self-function, the ego function, is to be regulatory. A person uses the feeling of self to protect themselves. When the feeling of self is lost, the person becomes schizophrenic.”
If self-perception is most aligned with the existing self, the person is at peace with themselves
Noting that a person has a self in addition to their self-perception, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “There is a self-perception that exists within a person's existing self. If self-perception is closest to the existing self, that person is at peace with themselves. For example, if self-perception is higher than the person's existing self, the person develops grandiosity. If the perceived self is lower than the existing self, the person becomes depressed, timid, fearful, and withdrawn. If the self-perception is the same as the existing self, this person is considered to have sound mental health.”
People with a high sense of self possess narcissistic traits
Noting that people with a high sense of self misunderstand their self-perception, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “These individuals mistake who they *should* be for their self-perception. They have an 'I' in their imagination; they feel as if they have created low mountains. They feel like a god on earth. It is a feeling of complete powerfulness in a person. That is, there is also a narcissistic trait. It is the feeling of 'I am strong, I can do it, I own everything.' This is not self-confidence; it is a deviation in self-perception.”
Self-confidence and self-admiration are separate things
Noting that self-confidence and self-admiration are not the same things, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “In self-admiration, a person assumes they possess qualities they don't have, looks in the mirror, and says, 'What a person I am!' They achieve a small thing and say, 'What a person I am!' They attribute others' successes to themselves. They assume they have qualities they don't possess. Success in football is a team success. The entire team worked hard in the match and succeeded. If the team captain says, 'I succeeded, I did it,' this is grandiosity. They are attributing the success of the entire team to themselves. They are only part of the team. They are an important part of the team. They are the leader, but if they claim the sweat and labor of the entire team as their own, this is unfair. This is known as narcissism.”
What's important is for a person to define their boundaries
Noting that narcissistic feelings exist within every person, and what's important is to recognize this and set boundaries, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “As Mawlana was walking with his students, one of them criticized Pharaoh, saying, 'How evil, how cruel he was.' Pharaoh reportedly cut out the tongues of workers while building the Egyptian pyramids so they wouldn't waste time or talk. Mawlana asked his student, 'If the power and authority given to Pharaoh had been given to you, would you not have become Pharaoh?' That is, a small Pharaoh lies within every person. What's important is to realize this. If a person realizes this, they know their limits and their power in such situations. They know their place.”
Stating that egoism means self-admiration and infatuation with oneself, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “The love of Narcissus, narcissism, comes from there. In Greek mythology, it is symbolized as the Narcissus flower. It stands with its head bowed towards the water. This was a very handsome man, and all the girls there were in love with him. He didn't like anyone, considering himself superior. He always broke the hearts of those who loved him, rejecting them. Because he was in love with himself, the gods wanted to punish him. Then, while looking at the water, he saw his own beauty, fell in love with his own beauty, bowed down, looked and looked, and while gazing for a long time, he fell in and drowned, and a Narcissus flower grew there. Such a mythology was formed. That is, the feeling of a person looking in a mirror and seeing themselves in a giant mirror is grandiosity. This is self-admiration, not self-confidence.”
Self-love is a person loving themselves as they are
Noting that self-love is a person loving themselves, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Actually, it is for the individual to know their strengths and weaknesses and to love themselves as they are. If loving oneself means loving oneself by seeing things in oneself that aren't there, then that is called arrogance.”
Grandiosity is a character type
Stating that there are three types of grandiosity observed in society, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Grandiosity is not a psychiatric illness, but a personality type, a character type. For example, some people with grandiosity are called angry megalomaniacs. That is, they criticize others to soothe themselves, thinking, 'I am superior, I am special, I am important, I can criticize everyone, no one can criticize me.' Men with this trait try to establish authority at home by resorting to violence. When these individuals are examined, it is seen that they possess feelings of inferiority. They have complexes. There is fear. There is a fear of being ordinary. There is a fear of being criticized, of being embarrassed. That's why they criticize everyone so that no one criticizes them, thus actually trying to protect themselves. When such people are not criticized, they expand their sphere of influence. They dominate everyone.”
It is necessary to warn appropriately
Stating that such people need to be warned appropriately, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “When this person does something wrong, it is necessary to point out the mistake along with the reasons. It is better to tell them their mistakes one-on-one, not in public. If necessary, it is better to tell them in writing. One should warn them by saying, 'Actually, you are a good person, but what you are doing is harming both the institution and yourself.' These individuals need friends who criticize. If we don't do this, it will lead to a leadership disorder.”
We must create an independent auditor within ourselves
Noting that Alexander, one of the important figures in history, dismissed his assistant for constantly approving him, saying, “I no longer need you,” Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “When his assistant asked why, he dismissed him, saying, 'If I always do what is right, then I don't need you. If I am doing wrong and you are not telling me, then you are a traitor.' A person cannot always do what is right. There are certainly people needed to tell that person, 'It's not like that, it's like this.' This is currently called an independent auditor. There should be independent auditors, but the most beautiful thing is that we should create an independent auditor within ourselves.”
The regulatory part of the ego is conscience
Noting that the regulatory part of our ego is the feeling called conscience, the feeling of accountability, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “If we have a feeling of accountability within us—accountability to ourselves, accountability to society, accountability to laws, accountability to the Creator—if we have these feelings, our conscience acts as an inner guardian in such situations. If we equate our conscience with our wallet, then in such situations, our measure becomes profit, self-interest. People who love themselves also do not love themselves as they are. They disregard their flaws and love their flawless aspects. This kind of love is a selfish love.”
A person will love themselves with their flaws
Stating that it is important for a person to love themselves, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “A person will love themselves even by seeing their own flaws. A person will not be afraid of self-criticism. When someone criticizes them, they will look at that criticism. If it's true, they will benefit from it; if not, they will continue on their way. One way to do this is to be open to criticism. One must also have the skill of self-criticism. For example, one can seek help from those who are better. They immediately question them and say, 'I need to develop this aspect of myself.' In our culture, the word 'humility' is somewhat misunderstood. You should not see yourself above anyone else, nor below anyone else. Because everyone is original, everyone is unique. Even someone with an IQ of 60 is unique. You should not belittle them, thinking, 'I have some superior aspects, but they might also have important superior aspects.' It is important to think this way. A person's superiority is revealed at the end of their life. This is total quality.”
“A quality person actually means someone who is at peace with themselves and can question themselves,” said Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, adding, “In our culture, this is known as 'self-discipline and purification of the ego.' Even Prophet Muhammad called this effort to correct oneself 'the great jihad.' This will be our effort. Unfortunately, some schools of humanism see humans as flawless. They say that humans are worthy of love, and even encourage loving their mistakes. However, mistakes are not to be loved; rather, the effort to correct mistakes is to be loved. It is necessary to distinguish between self-confidence and self-admiration. In self-confidence, a person is at peace with themselves. They see both their strengths and their weaknesses. They move forward in life with this understanding. If we can define life as a battlefield, if a commander going to the battlefield does not know his weaknesses, the enemy will come and destroy him from there. It is the same in life. If you don't know your weaknesses and don't prepare for them, you will suffer damage from there. It is better for a person to know their opportunities and capabilities. They also need to know themselves.”
One should not dwell on the past or the future
Noting that humans, unlike other living beings, have concerns about the past and future, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Living beings only live in the moment, but humans do not merely live in the moment; they live in the present. They live today, know the past, and know the future, but they use their energy correctly today. They do not detach from the past and future. Other living beings, animals, do not have concerns about the past or future. They only live today. People who do not think healthily either live in the past or live in the future. They waste today. A person's intellectual energy is actually enough for today. They do not use it for today; in fact, some philosophers wrote 'Today' on marble and placed it prominently. When they realized they were dwelling on the past and not doing what they needed to do today, they immediately remembered that inscription and returned to the present. Everyone can do this; it's not very difficult. This is a method we use in therapies.”
A person needs to know themselves with their strengths and weaknesses
Noting that whoever spends their energy on today has already solved the future when they succeed today, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “The past is already past and has turned into an asset. When such a person encounters something sorrowful, what do they do? They check if there is a remedy for it. If there is no remedy, they say, 'It's not worth grieving,' and continue on their way, because even if you grieve, the outcome won't change. A person needs to know themselves with their strengths and weaknesses and not deviate from their goal. A person without a goal, a life without purpose, is considered unlived. A purposeless life is like a ship that has left the harbor but doesn't know where it's going; every wind drags it. However, a ship with a purpose and a compass says, 'The wind is coming from here, I will go this way, I will adjust the sails like this.' It is the same in life.”
Someone who is self-sufficient is someone with self-confidence
Stating that an individual, just like a ship leaving the harbor, must know their destination well, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Humankind is born psychologically premature. Unlike animals, an animal starts walking as soon as it is born. Humans enter adolescence at age 15. Until adolescence, they are dependent on parental care. After adolescence, they individualize. They can stand on their own two feet. Thus, someone who is self-sufficient is someone with self-confidence. It is being able to be the captain of one's own ship.”