Prof. Tarhan: “The mother-child relationship is more important than exam success”

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was a live guest on the “Güneşli Sohbetler with Güneş Batum” program broadcast on Ulusal Kanal. In the program, which addressed the topic of “Goodness and Evils in the World,” Tarhan made significant assessments on many issues, from today’s family structure to exam anxiety, from uncontrolled drug use to the psychological effects of artificial intelligence. Evaluating parental attitudes through the "LGS mothers" debate, which has received widespread public attention recently, Tarhan emphasized that children should not be considered solely on their academic achievements. He stated that the mother-child relationship is more important than success. Tarhan, noting that artificial intelligence can mislead individuals if not used consciously, also conveyed important messages on the loneliness, loss of belonging, and transformation in social relationships brought about by the digital age. 

“The relationship with the child should not be damaged for the sake of exam success”

Evaluating the concept of "LGS mothers," which has recently been on the public agenda on Ulusal Kanal's live broadcast, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said; “When a person's fate is reduced to a single exam in processes such as high school entrance and university exams, intense anxiety arises in both parents and children. Of course, such exams are important, but what matters is how this anxiety is managed. It is necessary to examine whether the method used by parents increases or decreases the child's motivation. Some parents may expect more even when their children get high grades. An approach that questions why a child didn't get 100 despite getting 97 can turn into an understanding that constantly pushes the child to succeed. Therefore, protecting the mother-child relationship during exam periods becomes more important than success. The relationship with the child should not be damaged for the sake of exam success. Because the mother-child relationship is more important than exam success. Exams are just one step on life's journey, not a matter of life or death.”

“Children follow good examples, not advice”

Emphasizing that not only children's academic achievements but also their social and emotional development should be supported, Tarhan said; “Today, children need to be raised in a way that allows them to be the captain of their own ship in life. A child who can establish a healthy relationship with their mother can also develop healthy relationships with other people later in life. Children often model relationships, not rules. They follow good examples, not advice. In fact, children follow traces, not words. Therefore, especially with children over 10, more horizontal relationships should be established, and a solution-oriented communication language should be adopted instead of an accusatory one. While explaining the areas where the child is lacking, their achievements should also be recognized, and solutions should be sought together.”

“Excessive love can sometimes turn into toxic love”

Drawing attention to the need for balanced parental love, Tarhan said; “Parents, because they love their children very much, can sometimes unknowingly create pressure. However, excessive love can sometimes turn into toxic love. There is an important difference between wanting the child's well-being and constantly pushing them to succeed. Love and discipline must be presented in a balanced way. Excessive love can sometimes turn into toxic love. A child's failure does not mean they have lost all opportunities in life. What is important is that the child feels unconditionally loved. Damaging the mother-child relationship for the sake of success can lead to much greater problems in the long run.”

“We must raise our children according to the era they will live in”

Stating that rapid societal change has also altered the understanding of parenting, Tarhan said; “The worldview of new generations is very different from previous ones. We often try to raise our children according to the conditions of our own time. However, Hz. Ali’s saying, ‘Raise your children according to the era they will live in,’ carries even greater importance today. It is necessary to accept that the world is changing and to try to understand their reality when communicating with children. We must raise our children according to the era they will live in.
Today's children attach more importance to the feeling of autonomy. Therefore, instead of authoritarian and domineering approaches, guiding, communication-open parent models are needed.”

“Antidepressants must be used under the supervision of a specialist physician”

Tarhan also touched upon the widespread use of antidepressants in recent years, stating that unconscious use of medication can lead to serious consequences. Tarhan said; “Antidepressants can be beneficial when used appropriately and timely. However, when used randomly, serious side effects can occur. The drug with the fewest side effects is the one not taken. Because every drug has a side effect. Antidepressants are like chemical weapons; they provide benefits when used on the right target, but can cause harm when used incorrectly. Especially medications used without a doctor's recommendation can lead to heart rhythm disorders, manic episodes, and serious psychiatric problems. Therefore, drug treatments must be carried out under the supervision of a specialist physician.”

“Chronic stress can increase the risk of depression”

Stating that environmental factors, as well as genetic predisposition, are effective in the development of depression, Tarhan said; “Genetic predisposition is present in many psychiatric illnesses. However, environmental factors play a decisive role in most diseases. Especially chronic stress, insomnia, unhealthy lifestyle habits, and substance use can activate genetic predisposition. It can also increase the risk of depression. Due to epigenetic mechanisms, some individuals may develop depression while others may not be affected by the same event. Therefore, not only biological but also psychosocial factors must be taken into account.”

“The fundamental secret to happiness is meaning, purpose, and friends”

Stating that happiness cannot be achieved solely through a pleasure-oriented life, Tarhan said; “I summarize the fundamental secret to happiness with three A's: meaning, aim (purpose), and friends. People who live pleasure-oriented lives experience short-term happiness, but this happiness is not lasting. In one's life, there must be a purpose worth striving for, values that add meaning to life, and strong social relationships. Humans are social beings as much as they are biological. Therefore, meaningful relationships and prosocial values are among the most important elements that protect mental health.”

“The sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs”

Drawing attention to how modern life isolates individuals, Tarhan said; “With the weakening of traditional social norms, the sense of belonging in society has also weakened. However, the sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs. When a person does not feel they belong to a family, a community, or a value, their sense of security can be damaged. In the past, neighborhood culture, neighborly relations, and social solidarity provided individuals with a strong sense of belonging. Today, the weakening of these ties increases loneliness and can negatively affect mental health.”

“Artificial intelligence can mislead if not used consciously”

Stating that artificial intelligence brings some risks along with the opportunities it offers, Tarhan said; “Artificial intelligence can sometimes produce hallucinations, meaning it can present non-existent information as if it were real. Therefore, it is not correct to consider artificial intelligence as a sole decision-maker, especially in fields such as health and psychology. Artificial intelligence can provide significant benefits when it acts as a human assistant. However, when used unconsciously, it can mislead individuals and cause them to make incorrect decisions. Artificial intelligence is not a conscious entity and cannot replace humans.”

 “The risk of digital dementia and digital autism is increasing”

Stating that intense screen use, especially among children and young people, poses certain risks, Tarhan said; “Excessive digital exposure in the pre-adolescent period can negatively affect children's social and emotional development. Today, conditions defined as digital dementia and digital autism are becoming increasingly common. It is of great importance for children to be able to form real social relationships and experience physical interactions where all five senses are active. The digital world should not be completely rejected, but it must be used consciously and for a specific purpose.” he concluded.