Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, noting that there is a kind of mental jury in the frontal region of the brain that makes decisions such as do, don't, appropriate, inappropriate, beneficial, not beneficial, safe, not safe, right, not right, said: “Every moment, every second, we make these decisions. Writing, speaking, every action is actually a decision-making process. However, in young people, this decision-making process is not fully matured. During adolescence, feelings dominate more than reason.”
Tarhan emphasized that it is not difficult at all to speak the same language as young people, stating: “When raising children, a gentle discipline is needed, but this discipline must be resolute, consistent, and continuous; it must be a discipline that embraces love.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, addressed the topic of youth and reason.
Reason is related to free will
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that what distinguishes humans from other living beings is having reason, saying: “Other living beings may have consciousness, but having reason is something different. Reason is related to free will. When a person faces good or bad options, they choose one of them. While making this choice, they use the frontal region of the brain, meaning the frontal lobe. A feeling comes from within or something is heard from outside, and an evaluation process related to this situation begins in their brain. In the frontal region of the brain, there is a kind of mental jury that makes decisions such as do, don't, appropriate, inappropriate, beneficial, not beneficial, safe, not safe, right, not right. Every moment, every second, we make these decisions. Writing, speaking, every action is actually a decision-making process. However, in young people, this decision-making process is not fully matured. During adolescence, feelings dominate more than reason. While the left brain is the rational brain, dealing with functions like logic, reasoning, analysis, speech, and calculation, the right brain is more emotional, dealing with areas like excitement, art, and music. Additionally, the deep sub-brain, which we call the limbic system, deals with instinctive functions, that is, basic needs such as eating, drinking, reproducing, and sheltering. The forebrain evaluates the needs coming from these three and makes a decision. However, in adolescents, that is, during youth, this process has not yet fully developed.”
In a hadith of the Prophet Muhammad, it is said, 'Adolescence is a branch of madness.'
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, stating that according to UNESCO, youth is defined as the period between 15-25 years of age, and during this period, individuals experience identity confusion, seeking answers to questions like “Who am I?”, “Where should I go?”, “Why?”, said: “In literature, the term 'normal schizophrenic period' is used for adolescence. That is, a young person can experience mood swings like four seasons in a day; they can be one way in the morning and completely different in the evening. Sometimes they have sudden outbursts, get involved in incidents, and then regret it. If such behaviors were exhibited by a 40-year-old, it could be considered a clinical case. Something I read on this subject surprised me greatly: In a hadith of the Prophet Muhammad, it is said, 'Adolescence is a branch of madness.' This completely aligns with the 'normal schizophrenic period' definition in modern literature. So, 1400 years ago, the Prophet's words emphasized that one should not expect the maturity of a 40-year-old from young people. For this reason, the term 'delikanlı' (hot-blooded youth) is used among the public. Expecting the maturity of a 40-year-old from young people would be unfair and could lead to strained relationships.”
Young people have the right to make mistakes!
Tarhan, stating that it is not difficult at all to speak the same language as young people, emphasized that “young people have the right to make mistakes.” Tarhan said, “Young people have the right to experience ups and downs and cope with fluctuations. That is, they are trying to strike a balance between reason and emotion, trying to understand life. This situation is similar to a child learning to walk, taking a glass of water and spilling it. As parents, we might think this is naughtiness. No, this child is actually learning to develop their muscles and gaining experience this way. Similarly, as young people develop, they try to find what is right by observing their surroundings, reacting, and trying things out. If we don't set a good example for them and teach them the correct standards, social and family norms, children will learn the wrong things.”
We teach children the limits of life
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, noting that one of the most common situations we encounter today is families where the child is the leader of the house, continued as follows:
“Parents have fulfilled every wish of the child, given no discipline, set no boundaries. When the child reached adolescence and didn't get what they wanted, they started breaking and smashing things. The parents remained passive, gave love with good intentions, but did not teach the standards of life, did not instill discipline. We admit these children to the hospital and try to develop their behavior. We teach them the limits of life. Most are well-intentioned, innocent, and lovely children, but they don't know the rules of life. This therefore, adolescence is truly a difficult period. During adolescence, a young person suddenly defies their parents. For this reason, we should see this attitude of young people as an inclination to question and search. We should not think, 'Oh no, they've gone astray, we've lost the youth.'”
Parents should be the leaders of the home
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that parents should be the leaders of the home, saying: “Mother and father should use a common language. Children and young people take three things as examples: the mother, the father, and the relationship between them. If the mother and father use a common language, children will challenge the mother, challenge the father, but when they see that both are using the same language, they will accept it. We must also make the home a safe space. If a child feels that they will be questioned and judged as if going to court when they come home, that child will want to escape at the first opportunity. We often overdo criticism. A child does two good things, but when they make one mistake, we ignore the good things and focus on the mistakes. Instead of confronting the child to correct them, we need to take them by our side and move forward together on the path of life. We need to be a companion on the journey of life.”
Children are approached with imperative commands
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also said that children are generally approached with imperative commands: “We give orders, acting in an authoritarian manner. This backfires because the child, especially today's child, is fond of their freedom. Against authoritarian parents, the child adopts a rebellious identity. If the mother says A, they do B. The child unconsciously enjoys their parents getting angry.”
Family holds an important place in our society
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that according to research conducted on young people, especially 69% of young people in Turkey stated that they trust their family the most, adding: “The family still holds an important place in our society. However, the same statistics revealed that 25% of society believes that the institution of family is unnecessary. This is a quite high percentage. When we look from the perspective of young people, it is seen that the family is where they trust the most. This shows how important the family institution still is for young people. Therefore, parents need to give their children the opportunity to be the captain of their own lives. Parents often make this mistake: they do the things the child should do themselves. The child should make their own life and their own decisions. The parents, on the other hand, should guide and mentor them. This way, the child learns about life. But if parents step in for the child and do what they should do, the child will not take responsibility, saying 'My mother thinks of me more than I do myself,' and will withdraw.”
The balance of love and discipline in family relationships is very important
Prof. Dr. Tarhan said, “The balance of love and discipline in family relationships is very important. If there is an uncontrolled home environment with too much love and weak discipline, the child cannot learn about life.” He continued, “For example, if there is too much love but rigid discipline, the child becomes fearful, lacking self-confidence, and passive, becoming an individual who is constantly managed. If there is little love and little discipline, that child may develop a criminal personality in the future. They may be prone to committing crimes because they grew up both loveless and undisciplined. If there is no love but there is discipline, that child also becomes cruel and merciless; because they grew up both loveless and under excessive pressure. If you squeeze a soap too hard, it slips from your hand; if you leave it loose, it still escapes. When raising children, a gentle discipline is needed, but this discipline must be resolute, consistent, and continuous; it must be a discipline that embraces love. An accusatory, judgmental attitude creates a negative effect on the child, and they learn nothing.”
Home should be a safe space for the child
Prof. Dr. Tarhan continued as follows:
“Home should be a safe space for the child. They can make mistakes, they can err; but if they love their home, they will turn back from their mistake and return home. However, if they don't love their home, they will run away at the first opportunity. Therefore, it is important for parents to create a warm, loving, and safe environment at home. Additionally, attention should be paid to what topics are discussed most at home. If money, sports, property, or politics are discussed most in a home, these will be at the top of the child's mental map. But if being a good person, honesty, diligence, and universal values are emphasized at home, the child will adopt these too. In short, whatever receives the most investment of love and value at home becomes sacred in the child's mind. Motherhood and fatherhood are not about giving occasional advice or presenting life lessons like a conference to the child. The most influential things in a child's life are not conversations; they are the experiences. Time spent together, shared positive and negative events are planted like seeds in the child's developing soul, and these seeds bear fruit in later years.”
There is a digital generation…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that young people are digital natives, especially with social media and digital technologies, as they were born into technology, saying: “There is a digital generation, and they learn a lot of information about life from social media and internet news. This is an expected and reasonable situation. However, here we need to give young people an ego ideal, a life purpose for which they will work and strive. This is not just about making money, being this or that; a high ideal should be presented about what kind of person they want to be at the end of their life and how they want to be remembered. If we give young people such high ideals, they can say 'No' when wrong things appear on social media, thinking of their ideals. But if a young person has no purpose in life and lives only pleasure-oriented in a 'live in the moment' style, that young person cannot achieve lasting happiness. They can be happy at that moment, but when happiness ends, they embark on a new search for happiness.”
There are two types of happiness: Pleasure happiness and meaning happiness!
Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that what we need to teach young people is the concept of 'meaning happiness,' saying: “There are two types of happiness: pleasure happiness and meaning happiness. This is not new; even Aristotle spoke about this. He called them 'Eudaimonic' and 'hedonic' happiness. Hedonic happiness is pleasure-oriented; it acts with the logic of 'let's party today, live for today.' However, eudaimonic, or meaning happiness, embodies high goals and ideals. Effort is put in, one gets tired, and endures hardship to reach this happiness. If we set such high goals and ideals for our young people, even if they experience losses from time to time to reach these ideals, they will continue on their way without losing morale, thinking of their goals. Unfortunately, modernism and modern life, capitalist ethics, and the consumer economy offer us a 'party hard' style of life.”
A global addiction epidemic is underway
Prof. Dr. Tarhan pointed out that a global addiction epidemic is underway, stating: “Turkey has also been affected by this. Currently, there are 800,000 probation files in Turkey. An incredible number, 800,000! This creates a huge burden on the state, and young people are its biggest victims. Therefore, addiction policies need to be changed. Policies related to young people also need to be re-regulated. Currently, we manage youth policy by directing young people towards sports. Of course, sports are beneficial for young people, keeping them away from bad habits. However, there is no concept of meaning within sports, only competition. Therefore, it is necessary to raise a youth focused on culture, ideals, and ideas. Investment should be made in culture. In recent years, large sports halls and swimming pools have been built in Turkey. Even small towns have swimming pools and football fields. However, more investment is needed in areas that will teach young people our culture and ideas.”
Young people should not succumb to the influence of social media
Prof. Dr. Tarhan, also stating that social media has a great influence on young people, concluded his words as follows:
“For young people not to fall under the influence of social media, they need to be the subjects of their own social media. If they become objects, they will be managed. Young people should learn to use social media according to their needs. Otherwise, they will be swept away by social media's compelling effect. It can be highly accessible and very attractive, but it leads to significant loss of time and energy. Young people's greatest capital is time. Youth is a period as valuable as gold. This time must be used in pursuit of high goals and ideals. As Turkey, and as individuals, for us to become global actors, young people need to be idealistic. Young people should be idealistic, realistic, and activist. Idealistic young people have high goals. Realistic young people, like Rumi's compass metaphor, are those with one foot in reality and the other in dreams. Thirdly, activist young people are individuals who don't just talk but take action, producing plans and projects. If we set an example for young people, we can create an atmosphere full of possibilities for them. Research shows that young people, despite being a digital generation, are endearing with a high sense of innocence and justice. Therefore, instead of questioning and judging our young people, we should set a good example for them, presenting them with good possibilities to help them find their own way.”