Considering many factors such as our country's economic conditions and the insecurity of human relationships, marriage is becoming something people fear. But is marriage really something to be afraid of? There are many unanswered questions… Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan provided answers to these questions for those considering marriage.
Is Single Life a Sultanate?
Being single has become a serious comfort now and has affected the new generation's feelings of obligation regarding marriage. Viewing marriage as a burden has lessened the perceived financial need for a partner. When the philosopher Mark Twain was asked why he didn't marry, he replied in a somewhat colloquial jargon, 'One does not keep a cow for a single glass of milk.'
Why Should We Marry?
I give the example of H2O for this. Hydrogen and oxygen roam freely in the air, but when they come together, they transform into the life form of water. Their freedom is lost, but a more beautiful life emerges. Marriage is similar. By creation, women are given feelings of romantic attachment and secure attachment; men do not have a paternal hormone, but women have a maternal hormone.
The Family is the Basic Building Block of Society
If we want to raise good children, this can only happen in a family environment. Perhaps partners don't want to raise children; that's a choice. The USA introduced open marriage in the 1970s. Open marriage, where both partners have lovers, is seen as a choice, a freedom, and is quite common today. However, after a while, it was observed that children paid the price for this, and it didn't work.
How Do I Know I'm Ready for Marriage?
Let me tell you, you don't flip a coin in marriage. There are two important decisions in a person's life. One is a career decision, the other is a marriage decision. These are two important commitments. One must think carefully about these two important commitments before making a decision. That's why they say to keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-open after marriage.
If all these compatibilities exist, then it will be a much more suitable marriage.
They reduce marriage solely to love. When asked 'Why aren't you getting married?', they say, 'I haven't fallen in love, so why should I marry?' Love is not a cause for marriage; it's a result. If you wait to fall in love, you'll wait a long time. Because love is a result. However, there must be more than fifty percent love; if there is less than fifty percent love, do not marry. Normally, if there is 70-80 percent love, it's sufficient; you won't find one hundred percent.
Should/Can Families Interfere with Their Children?
In Turkey, parents make attitudinal mistakes regarding their children's marriages. They either interfere too much or leave them completely free. There is a parenting style, like in the West, that allows everything. And there is also a parenting style that restricts everything. In such situations, girls develop a fear of sexuality. This girl marries but cannot have intimate relations with her husband for years. Excessive pressure was exerted regarding sexuality. This is also an extreme, an imbalance.
Can There Be Marriage Without Dating?
The old way of marriage was arranged marriage. Both parties didn't see each other, they married, and most of the time it went well. Today, after the 1960s, the women's liberation movement began. This liberation movement is a rightful movement; there must be equality in rights, opportunities, and before the law. However, feminism introduced the women's liberation movement, capitalism's struggle for corporations, socialism's class struggle, and Hitler's race struggle into the family.
There are Three Stages in Marriage
The first is romance, the honeymoon period, which doesn't last much longer than two years; it evaporates. The second stage is power and conflict; if the parties are lucky or develop skills, they emerge from the conflict period with gains and transition to a period of positivity and commitment. To transition to the commitment period, people need to achieve at least 'love + cooperation = love'. Therefore, cooperation will be added to love; while love continues, dating couples eventually fall in love with each other.
What is the Ideal Age?
The age of marriage has increased, and there's also prolonged adolescence. Prolonged adolescence sometimes extends to forty years of age in men. In the brain, there is the 'Corpus callosum' in the middle, connecting the right and left hemispheres. The logical brain and the emotional brain, meaning the right and left lobes, constantly communicate with each other.
The network between these two is stabilized. It is generally stabilized around the age of 22 and develops more limitedly thereafter. That stable age of 22 is the age when adolescence ends.
Marriage is a rule-bound environment; you cannot do it without rules.
When such individuals – immature ones – marry, they say, 'I will both marry and live as I please.' No, my friend, marriage brings responsibility. You are free, but you are also responsible.
There are three types of age in marriage: Chronological age, biological age, psychological age.
Chronological age means exceeding 18; biological age means the development of secondary sexual characteristics, biological and sexual compatibility, and psychological maturity must be present.
Source : Onedio