With the scientific consultancy of Üsküdar University, under the leadership of the Kocaeli Federation of Associations, supported by the Ministry of Interior’s Directorate General of Civil Society Relations, and carried out in partnership with the Dilovası District Governorship and Dilovası Municipality, the opening ceremony of the “Healthy Relationships, Strong Marriages” Project was held.
As part of the project, the Family Academy was inaugurated with a ceremony. The initiative aims to provide awareness workshops, seminars, and individual support programs for couples preparing for marriage, newlyweds, and families. As part of the opening program, President of Üsküdar University Prof. Nevzat Tarhan delivered a talk titled “The Last Refuge: Family.” Emphasizing that the family is a safe haven, Tarhan gave valuable advice to young couples on the importance of love, respect, and communication in marriage.
Held at the Dilovası Municipality Ercan Dalkılıç Cultural Center, the event was attended by Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, Dilovası Mayor Ramazan Ömeroğlu, Kocaeli Federation of Associations President and Family Counselor Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli, Üsküdar University Young Brains Academy Director and Social Contribution Coordinator Dr. Nebiye Yaşar, Journalist Şaban Özdemir, as well as institution directors, municipal council members, and representatives of NGOs.
Dr. Nebiye Yaşar: “The greatest investment in love is understanding and being understood”
The first speech was delivered by Dr. Nebiye Yaşar, Director of the Young Brains Academy and Social Contribution Coordinator at Üsküdar University. Presenting the project, she stated: “To establish the family institution on healthy foundations and set an example for society, we have founded the Family Academy here in Dilovası. Our esteemed president and academic advisor Prof. Nevzat Tarhan provides scientific support to our work, and we sincerely thank him. Our project ‘Healthy Relationships, Strong Marriages’ will be implemented for one year with the support of the Ministry of Interior and the Directorate of Civil Society Relations. Our goal is to strengthen communication and awareness among couples preparing for marriage, newlyweds, individuals seeking pre-marital counseling, and family counselors. Activities will include family awareness workshops, interactive seminars, individual support and therapies, and the ‘Voice of the Family’ program, where exemplary family stories will be shared. Additionally, World Family Day events and cultural trips will further expand the project’s impact. The project is being carried out in collaboration with the District Governorship, Municipality, and all relevant directorates under Üsküdar University’s scientific consultancy. We believe that the greatest investment in love is understanding and being understood.”
Mayor Ramazan Ömeroğlu: “I hope this project will be a blessing”
Delivering the opening remarks, Dilovası Mayor Ramazan Ömeroğlu said: “As the Dilovası Municipality, we are deeply honored to be a stakeholder in this meaningful project that brings life to our district. This work carries great importance in strengthening the concept of family, reinforcing the bond between spouses, and minimizing, even eliminating, domestic violence. I pray that our project brings many blessings, and I extend my gratitude to each of you for your participation.”
Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli: “The aim is to increase strong and happy marriages”
Bahriye Gürpınar Geredeli, Family Counselor and President of the Kocaeli Federation of Associations, also addressed the audience: “At the Family Academy established in Dilovası, chosen as the pilot region, free marriage education will first be offered to engaged couples, couples preparing for marriage, and already married couples. The academy will also conduct integration programs for couples married for over 25 years, highlighting the importance and ease of sustaining marriage. Workshops will be organized on topics such as family law, spirituality and privacy in the family, domestic violence, child development, and family health. The purpose of these efforts is to reduce divorces and domestic violence while increasing the number of strong and happy marriages. With pure intentions, we set out on this path, and I pray for open doors, fruitful efforts, and successful outcomes. I extend my heartfelt thanks to all who have supported us and stood by us today.”
Following the opening speeches, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, President of Üsküdar University, delivered an interactive talk titled “The Last Refuge: Family.” The session was moderated by journalist Şaban Özdemir.
Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “This project is a journey with a purpose”
Sharing his views on the project, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said: “I would like to thank everyone who contributed. This project is a journey with a purpose. As long as we move forward in line with our roadmap, the results, like a seed planted in the soil, may not appear immediately but will reveal themselves over time. With the hope of seeing positive developments in the lives of those we touch in the coming years…”
“The decline in population is a serious crisis”
Speaking about the three basic norms that protect society, psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated: “The first are laws and regulations. Without rules, there is chaos in society. Laws are important, but they are not sufficient on their own. Families cannot be protected solely by laws. The second are social norms. Social measures, values, and traditions protect society. The first fortress is laws and rules, the second fortress is social norms. The third fortress is the family, that is, the inner fortress. Families cannot be safeguarded only through laws. Although our Constitution includes provisions on the family, some practices borrowed from the West may, unintentionally, harm it. With the influence of the communication age and the transformation of the world into a global electronic village, societal norms have changed rapidly. Family norms have also been affected in the last 10–20 years. The third norm protecting society and families is the relationships and rules within the family. In Anatolia, we used to call this ‘wisdom’ or tradition. Our children were protected by these values within the family, and the family was strong. Unfortunately, today our family structure has changed. The fertility rate has dropped below 1.5. Yet to maintain the current population level, this rate must be at least 2.1. At 1.5, the population will decline from 80 million to 60 million in 30 years. This is a serious crisis. That is why such a comprehensive family project has been initiated. Even if late, our traditions still preserve sensitivity toward the family.”
“Family is a shelter of trust”
Emphasizing that love combined with honesty creates trust, Tarhan said: “The family is our refuge. For a person, family is the safe place they retreat to from life’s storms. We used to call the family a ‘home of love,’ but now it is understood that family is actually a ‘home of trust.’ To create trust, love is necessary, but love alone is not enough. Love plus honesty equals trust. Love without character is insufficient. When love merges with honesty, trust emerges. This is essential for safe relationships and secure attachment. Today, secure attachment has weakened, mainly due to the global shift in life philosophies. A pleasure-oriented lifestyle is being promoted, where people live life merely as a cycle, without a sense of accountability. Such a perspective allows individuals, once they gain power, to justify anything. In ancient Greece, theft was tolerated as long as one wasn’t caught. Today, a similar culture seems dominant. This is the outcome of a profit- and pleasure-centered philosophy of life, which negatively affects the family.”
“The biggest destroyer of marriage is ego battles”
Pointing to the spread of materialistic worldviews, Tarhan said:” Today, there is a life philosophy that sees the purpose of life solely as worldly existence, materialism. People want to live as if they will never die, without accountability. This feeling is significant, but coupled with selfishness, egoism, and the effects of globalization, it becomes destructive. The greatest destroyer of marriage is ego battles. The romantic honeymoon phase usually lasts no more than two years. After that, power and personality struggles begin. If couples manage this phase wisely and learn solutions, they can emerge stronger, entering the stage of commitment. But often, conflicts escalate into ‘my way vs. your way,’ ‘my money vs. your money,’ ‘my family vs. your family.’ Marriage collapses, and problem-solving disappears. At the root of these conflicts lie egoism, materialism, and a secular worldview. This changing life philosophy inflicts serious damage on families. Unless corrected, we cannot build healthy individuals from the ground up.”
“If we fear problems, they grow larger”
Highlighting that problems are part of growth, Tarhan said: “Mistakes and errors are also natural parts of growth. If you expect a spouse who never makes mistakes, do not marry because it is impossible. Marriages will face storms from time to time. Storms will come, roar like lions, but eventually pass without lasting harm. Sometimes the wife, sometimes the husband stirs the storm, the tone of voice may rise, and tensions may occur. In such cases, marriage is like a boat. Two people row the boat; if one rows incorrectly, the boat risks capsizing. If both row incorrectly, the boat will definitely overturn. That’s why, when one makes mistakes, the other must act thinking of the boat’s future. In marital storms, decisions should not aim to dominate or subdue the other, but rather to answer: ‘What can I do that would be best for the future of my family?’ When decisions are made with the family’s future in mind, problems become easier to solve. Eighty percent of problems are resolved by solving the most critical 20 percent, and this is known as the Pareto Principle. If there are 100 percent problems, solving 20 percent resolves 80 percent, because that 20 percent repeats across the rest. Approaching marriage with a problem-solving mindset is essential. Just as a judge feels fulfilled by delivering justice, or a doctor by healing a patient, parents should feel fulfilled by resolving family problems. We should not fear problems but seek solutions. If we fear problems, they only grow.”
The worst is lack of communication…
Speaking about three types of communication within families, Tarhan explained: “The first is healthy communication, the second is conflictual communication, and the third is lack of communication. The worst is lack of communication, when spouses stop listening to each other altogether. At the start of marriage, couples love each other and are compatible. Over time, however, women may focus solely on children, men on their work, and emotional distance arises. As emotional distance grows, psychological distance widens too, and couples begin to raise their voices, and this leads to conflict. In happy families, three key elements exist: love, respect, and attention. All three must coexist. When attention weakens, love and respect cannot be sustained. Spending quality time together is vital. A study at the University of Nebraska identified three traits of happy families: Making conscious effort to spend time together, frequently expressing appreciation, praise, and approval, acknowledging good deeds sincerely, rather than only correcting mistakes. As mentioned in the hadith: ‘Husbands and wives, treat each other kindly.’ Families with a sense of spiritual responsibility, for example, worshiping together, are also shaped by their life philosophy. A sense of belonging and trust is essential for healthy, lifelong relationships. Love alone is not enough; love plus cooperation brings enduring healthy relationships and lasting affection. Cooperation, honesty, and trust are the cornerstones.”
The opening program concluded with a group photo.
Within the scope of the project, family seminars, youth training workshops, and fieldwork will continue in different districts in the coming period.
