President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan met with parents of Biltek Schools. Sharing striking insights under the title “Being a Good Parent in the 21st Century: Raising Children and Protecting Mental Health,” Tarhan addressed the responsibilities of parenting in the digital age. He emphasized that the rapid social transformation of our time directly affects family structure and approaches to child rearing. Touching on many topics such as digitalization, artificial intelligence, values education, adolescence, conscience development, and the role of the family, Tarhan pointed out the core goals of modern parenting by stating, “In a changing world, we must give children meaning, purpose, and inner self control.” Drawing attention to the fact that we live in an era where science and belief support one another, Tarhan stated that balance, love, and conscious guidance form the foundation of qualified parenting.
The program held at Biltek Schools Üsküdar Campus attracted great interest.
“There has never been a period in human history when transformation was this fast”
Stating that the era we live in represents the fastest period of change and transformation in human history, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said: “In the 21st century, there has never been a time in human history when everything has transformed this rapidly. There is a saying by Hazrat Ali: ‘Raise your children according to the age they will live in.’ We often say, ‘I raise my child the way my parents raised me,’ and continue the same methods. However, the real issue is raising them not according to the age they live in now, but the age they will live in. That is why we need to read this change well. Old questions are still valid, but it is possible to give new answers to them. Digitalization has emerged, and especially after artificial intelligence, everything in the world will change even more. The Ottoman Empire somehow missed the Industrial Revolution. The artificial intelligence revolution we are experiencing today is an advanced version of the Industrial Revolution. We must not miss it. To avoid missing it, we actually have a very strong infrastructure in terms of trained human resources, level of development, and many other aspects. Despite all difficulties, we first need to initiate change and improvement within our own sphere.”
“The ego pushes us in one direction”
Drawing attention to the balance between the ego and the heart, Tarhan said: “In disciplining the ego, there is the ego on one side and the heart on the other. Here, the ego pushes us in a certain direction. There is a part within us that is greedy, insatiable, irresponsible, and limitless. In other words, the ego is the forcing part inside the human being. This has always existed throughout human history. That is why it is said, ‘Disbelief may continue, but oppression does not.’ Oppression is when the strong crush the weak, and it never goes unanswered. People pay its price not only in the afterlife but also in this world. In such a situation, while educating our child, we must prepare them for life. Just as a person learning to drive learns traffic signs and understands what each sign means, moral values in human life are like traffic signs. When making decisions on life’s road, a person looks at them and takes reference from them. What matters here is not the decorative paint of the sign but the direction it shows. Therefore, while teaching values, we must guide children toward the main goal. What is the divine goal, what is our goal? We need to know these well and explain them well.”
“We need to read this rapid transformation correctly”
Emphasizing that instead of resisting innovations in the face of rapid social transformation, a correct balance should be established, Tarhan said: “We need to read this rapid transformation well. Rather than opposing it, it is important to address its positive aspects. Because every innovation has a threat dimension and an opportunity dimension. If we focus only on the threat dimension, we become status quo oriented. When that happens, a mindset emerges that works to preserve and defend what exists. When the mind works defensively, a person becomes afraid of innovation. In that case, they cannot be entrepreneurial or innovative. However, to be entrepreneurial and innovative, we must not lose the balance between this world and the hereafter. The world is like a field where we sow and reap. At the end of life, there is the Day of Judgment, the day of accountability. In the chapter Al Fatiha, the word ‘din’ also means the Day of Judgment. Throughout our lives, we sow and reap, accumulating our positives and negatives. At the end of life, if our positives exceed 51 percent, we hope to be among the saved. Therefore, if we give young people purpose and meaning in life, we can protect them.”
“Adolescence is a period when a person searches for and finds their identity”
Stating that adolescence is a critical stage in an individual’s search for identity, Tarhan said: “Adolescence is a period when a person searches for and finds their own identity. Every adolescent asks questions such as ‘Who am I?’ ‘Where do I belong?’ and ‘Why?’ Social identity, cultural identity, religious identity, sexual identity all take shape during this period. For this reason, the child first looks at their own accumulations and what they have received from the family. After this age, the child takes references from the outside world rather than from parents. This is also genetically the case. Hormones become active in the body, and when they do, the brain experiences synaptic explosions in two periods: one between ages 0 and 3, and the other between ages 12 and 15. There is a growth factor in the brain called BDNF, which is secreted intensely during this period. The brain creates new cells and new connections at an incredible rate. Later, these connections are pruned through social relationships. It is similar to how everything suddenly becomes lush green in spring within a few weeks. In other words, there is a sudden major explosion in the brain. During this time, mistakes are made. That is why young men are called reckless and young women are described as impetuous. Our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Puberty is a branch of madness.’ Fourteen hundred years ago, it is as if he was describing neuroscience and neuropsychology with this profound definition.”
“Irresponsibility has become widespread under the name of freedom”
Pointing out that new generations have high expectations of justice and innocence, Tarhan said: “The lack of fair distribution deeply disturbs adolescents. Today, Generation Z is often perceived as self centered and comfort oriented. This tendency is also global. Adolescents are very endearing. At the same time, their expectations of innocence are high, and their expectations of justice are also high. For this reason, we need to teach our children social and emotional skills. This is because areas related to social and emotional skills have been identified in the human brain, and their corresponding neurological structures have been defined. Since this is the case, just as there is a certain discipline in sports, emotions and thoughts, as well as social and emotional skills, also need to be taught in a structured way. Moreover, this should begin in childhood. In fact, educational approaches that have existed for centuries have emphasized exactly this. Because irresponsibility has become widespread under the name of freedom. On a global scale today, a life philosophy that disrupts the balance between limits and rights and freedoms has begun to dominate. In such an environment, raising young people has truly become more difficult.”
“The last refuge left to us is conscience”
Stating that the foundation of raising a human being lies in self awareness and the development of conscience, Tarhan said: “The main thing we need to pay attention to when raising a person is to raise individuals who know themselves. In fact, our traditions used to teach this. What is today referred to as emotional education is known in our literature as disciplining the ego. This is also the core teaching of Sufism. Hazrat Ali, known as the master of Sufism, the Shah of Sainthood, learned this from the Prophet. The principles learned there represent the peak of knowledge. There is also the ability to establish a connection with God. If we can give our child the ability to remain connected with God, then when a negative impulse arises within the child, that awareness alone can be sufficient. This is because it creates a sense of accountability, which also prevents hidden wrongdoings. Open wrongdoing was already regulated by laws, legal norms, and supported by social norms and traditions. Now, social norms, traditions, and social acceptances have changed. As a result, the family remained as the last protector, the last refuge. But now the family is also under threat. This is because smartphones, tablets, and the digital world, like an open door, have entered our homes. Therefore, the last refuge left to us is conscience. We need to instill a sense of conscience in the child. Conscience means inner self regulation and an inner mental jury. It is not just a feeling. It is not only related to the heart either. It is a structure formed by the synthesis of reason and heart. Because reason alone can mislead a person, and the heart alone can also mislead a person. What is correct is for both to work together. That is why the person of this age should be someone who holds the Quran in one hand and a computer in the other. If we can achieve this, we become good role models for our children. In doing so, we also preserve the essence of our traditions.”
“The most beautiful gift a child can receive is quality togetherness”
Emphasizing that the family is still the most important refuge in a changing world, Tarhan said: “The family is the smallest unit of society and at the same time an institution. This is precisely why it is the last refuge. In this age, neither laws, nor legal norms, nor social norms can sufficiently protect individuals. Traditions and customs cannot be preserved either. Since we live in an age of communication, it is not possible to completely shield a child from external influences. At this point, applying excessive control by saying that times are bad backfires. Completely loosening control is also wrong. Excessive discipline is not correct either. What matters is establishing balance at the right time and in the right way. The most beautiful gift a mother and father can give their child is quality togetherness. It is spending time together and creating shared memories. The seeds planted in the developing soul of the child will sprout in middle age or later in life when they find the right conditions.”
“Knowledge supports unity”
Stating that reading the universe through the perspective of unity is effective in convincing young people, Tarhan concluded with the following words: “God created a universal database, which is knowledge and science. First, He created knowledge of the universe. In the second stage, He created mathematics and calculation. In the third stage, He created geometry and design. In the fourth stage, He created energy physics. In the fifth stage, He created matter and chemistry. In the sixth stage, He created living beings. Creation in six days actually means creation in six stages. God created the universe in this way. At the initial creation, He knows everything through His knowledge. We merely choose between good and evil, and a selected program emerges. In this way, the past and the future are also known. Therefore, today, after quantum physics, the meaning of the expression ‘There is nothing seen but Him, there is nothing existent but Him’ has begun to be understood more clearly. In other words, we are living in a time when religion and science are synthesized in the best way. In such a time, it is of course easier to convince young people, provided that reason is engaged. If we look at the universe through the lens of unity, we can read it very well. Reading the book of the universe is, believe me, like reading the meaning of the Holy Quran. The first verse says ‘Read.’ This does not only mean reading a written book, but also reading the book of the universe. Surah Al Alaq should be viewed from this perspective. Then it mentions the pen, meaning read and write. Human beings were created as the most honorable of creatures in this way. When you explain these things to young people, it is impossible for them not to be convinced. In fact, we are living in a fortunate time. Today, knowledge supports unity.”