President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was a live guest on TGRT Haber. Tarhan made noteworthy remarks on the topic of “Peer Bullying.” Emphasizing that the solution to peer bullying lies in teaching peer kindness, Tarhan said that kindness inherently contains empathy. He stated that young people tend to resort to violence as a form of self-expression and that every act of violence carries a message. He added that the solution is in the hands of parents, guidance counsellors, and school administrations.
“We need to define bullying correctly”
Speaking on the recent rise in peer bullying during the TGRT Haber live broadcast, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan first emphasized the importance of defining bullying correctly. He said:
“There are ‘fishermen’s fights’ among teenagers. They fight one day and make up the next. Sometimes, even an hour later, they act as if nothing happened. These should not be considered bullying. Bullying must be intentional, that is, it is done consciously, be repetitive, and involve a power imbalance. If these elements exist between the bully and the victim, then it is defined as bullying. Labeling every raised voice as bullying leads to misinterpretation. Especially if it is planned, deliberate, and systematic, then it is bullying. Bullying is not just physical. There is also verbal bullying, such as mocking, name-calling, insulting, threatening. There is also relational bullying, like gossiping, exclusion, not including someone in a group, and intentional isolation, and these are examples of relational bullying.”
“The solution to peer bullying is teaching peer kindness”
Tarhan stated that adolescents are in search of identity during puberty: “Adolescence is a time of forming cliques. Teenagers rebel against their parents and everything else. They want to find their own identity and ask questions like ‘Who am I? Where should I go? Why?’ During this process, they explore their social, individual, religious, and national identities. They may also become protestors, and it is a part of individuation. They often oppose their parents. Although previous generations experienced similar hormonal changes and rebellious feelings, the general social atmosphere was more compassionate and kind. Today’s younger generations are not being taught these values. That is why the solution to peer bullying is teaching peer kindness. The best way to combat negativity is by increasing positivity. The best way to fight darkness is to light a candle.”
“We have become a miniature America…”
Tarhan drew attention to the rapid erosion of social values: “Türkiye is currently one of the countries where family and social values are eroding the fastest. Previously, culture was transmitted by the family. Now, it’s the media. Families are now raising their children based on a success-oriented capitalist model. We’ve become a miniature America, that is, more Americanized than even Europeans. Today’s generation is a protest generation, opposing parental and social authority. They enjoy rebellion. However, when they experience compassion and warm relationships, their rebelliousness fades. If a child shouts and the parent responds by shouting back, the child clings even more to their protest identity.”
“Kindness includes empathy”
Tarhan explained that children raised in kind environments do not resort to violence:
“When children are young, they cannot distinguish right from wrong because they lack internal measurements. Thus, they learn life through trial and error. In adolescence, they display extreme behaviors and impulsive reactions. They learn their boundaries and life’s boundaries through how others respond. If a child is raised in a rule-based environment where kindness is practiced and the child is valued, they may still experience adolescent turbulence but will get through it more easily. If the family environment lacks rules, kindness, and value for the child, adolescence becomes difficult. Kindness includes empathy and the desire not to hurt the other person. It is more than just understanding the other side, which it involves trying to solve problems without hurting the other. Children raised in such an environment do not resort to violence. For example, according to global statistics, about 23% of adolescents are victims of bullying, 43% are bullies, and 13% are both bully and victim.”
“Every act of violence is a message”
Tarhan noted that young people turn to violence as a way of expressing themselves:
“In domestic violence studies, there are three types of violence observed. They look at which kind of violence the child is exposed to: first, direct violence in the home; second, violence in movies; and third, violence in cartoons. The most impactful is direct, real-life violence. If violence exists at home if the father is violent toward the mother, in which the child is affected. The child then uses violence to say, ‘Notice my existence.’ This is because the child grows up feeling invisible. There is a lack of communication. The child feels unloved and unvalued. Then they act out violently and finally get noticed. Some children even find relief by allowing themselves to be harmed, that is, just to feel seen. Children start accumulating emotional experiences from a young age. Today, many kids get more of these experiences from social media and TV shows than from their parents. And these sources are filled with fights, violence, gossip, and slander. These messages are recorded in their brains. Such inputs automatically enter their neural networks. After a while, they start to see evil as normal. Violence becomes normalized. Under even minor stress, they immediately resort to violence as a way of expressing themselves. Maybe their intention is not violence; however, they choose it as a method of existence. In response, there is a lot that parents, guidance counselors, and school administrators can do. That child is sending a message: ‘Notice my existence.’ Every violent act is a message. Therefore, we should not rush to put young people in the position of guilty defendants. It shows they need help.”
Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)