If you are seen, then you exist!
President of Üsküdar University and Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was a live guest on TVNET News Center, where he shared his views on the topic and stated that“Banning Social Media for Under the Age of 16.” Tarhan stated that he has witnessed the negative effects of social media on individuals, highlighting that children with excessive screen exposure are more likely to experience school refusal. He emphasized that the negative impact of social media is most evident in families with conflicted communication, where weak family bonds increase the risk. Additionally, Tarhan pointed out a shifting perception in modern society and instead of “I think, therefore I am,” the new mentality has become “I am seen, therefore I exist.”
"Excessive screen exposure can lead to school refusal"
Addressing the negative effects of social media, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that “In our professional practice, we frequently witness the harmful impact of social media on individuals. In nearly half of child psychiatry cases, excessive screen exposure due to social media use is a major issue. Children with high screen exposure can develop school refusal. They are especially vulnerable and can become victims. The negative effects of social media are most commonly seen in children from conflicted, broken families with weak family bonds. These children do not know how to set boundaries or where to stop on social media. Children aged 0-6 have not yet developed abstract thinking skills. During this period, parents need to teach social boundaries. The next critical phase is between 6 and 13 years old. At this stage, children model three key influences: their mother, their father, and the relationship between their parents. If family interactions primarily occur through social media, children become more exposed to it.”
Weak family bonds increase the risk
Tarhan stressed the importance of teaching social norms to children and stated that “Teenagers struggle to differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad, which leads them to ask existential questions like ‘Who am I? Where should I go? Why?’ While seeking answers, they need a reference point, and this is where the family plays a crucial role. A family should act as a supportive reference group that positively influences each member. If the family fails to serve this function, children become the first victims, and we risk losing an entire generation. Some families successfully manage this by guiding their children and ensuring that social media is used for a purpose rather than aimlessly. However, if family bonds are weak, the risk significantly increases. Today, another dangerous perception is being reinforced by social media, and instead of ‘I think, therefore I am,’ the new mentality is ‘I am seen, therefore I exist.’ This has created a modern philosophy that equates visibility with existence and an idea heavily promoted by Hollywood. Adolescents are the most affected group as they fail to learn social norms, which are not genetic but acquired. Without these social boundaries, they are more prone to making mistakes.”
"We recommend digital detox within families"
Tarhan emphasized that limiting social media on its own is not enough and added that “Children often test their parents. If a father comes home and immediately retreats to his room with his phone, and the mother does the same, the child imitates this behavior. This is why we recommend a digital detox within families. Parents should establish a routine where phones are turned off, and family discussions take place. When these interactions occur, the negative effects on children decrease. Government intervention is also crucial. In many countries, from China to the U.S., strict restrictions are in place for children under 13-14 years old. These restrictions go beyond social media bans, and they also involve installing special software on smart devices for parental control. Simply restricting social media platforms is not enough. Parents should be able to monitor their children using specialized software until a certain age. They should also establish agreements with their children to navigate social media responsibly.”
"A young person with an ego ideal uses social media with purpose"
Highlighting the balance between freedom and responsibility, Tarhan stated that “Young people today say, ‘I am free, I can do whatever I want.’ Yes, you are free, but you are also responsible. There is no such thing as irresponsible freedom. It would be nice if it existed, but social media is a dangerous place, that is, easily accessible, cheap, and does not require leaving the comfort of home. This creates a false sense of security, allowing children to engage in risky behaviors. For children, the virtual world is not just entertainment, that is, it can have real, traumatic consequences. If parents cannot control themselves, how can they expect their children to do so? This is why we recommend purposeful social media use. A young person with an ego ideal, a clear sense of self and aspirations, will use social media strategically and avoid its pleasure traps.”
"You cannot ban it by instilling fear"
Tarhan stressed the importance of explaining restrictions with reasoning rather than enforcing them through fear and stated that “Banning social media should be accompanied by logical explanations. For example, parents should say,
‘This might seem unpleasant to you right now. It might take away some of your entertainment. But in the long run, it will benefit you greatly.’ Instead of presenting it as a ban, it should be framed as a strategic decision for future benefits. This approach is more effective than simply saying, ‘No, because I said so.’ Fear-based prohibitions do not work.”
"Use ‘I’ statements, not ‘you’ statements"
Emphasizing effective communication with children, Tarhan made the following remarks: “When parents explain things with logic and patience, children may resist at first, but they eventually accept the reasoning. The most powerful influence on children is soft power, that is, not force, but the justice of love. Instead of using physical authority, parents should rely on emotional influence to teach love and fairness. Parents should treat children with respect but not expect them to behave like adults. Children must be allowed to make mistakes because some mistakes are valuable learning experiences. Even when correcting mistakes, parents should avoid using ‘you’ statements (which sound accusatory) and instead use ‘I’ statements to express their perspective. Instead of saying, ‘What kind of child are you? Why did you do that?’, it’s better to say, ‘If I were in your place, I would have done it this way.’ This approach reduces defensiveness, helps the child feel valued and accepted, and makes persuasion easier.”
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Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)