Families are under adolescent abuse! Deniz Akkaya's incident was on the agenda on social media
Mistakes made while raising children break out, especially in adolescence. Children who were raised in broken families or where parents conflict with each other have greater difficulties in adolescence. Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that "Abusive adolescents put parents in a difficult situation" about the incidents between Deniz Akkaya and her daughter.
The incidents between former model Deniz Akkaya and her 16-year-old daughter have become one of the most talked about topics on social media. Akkaya's complaint to the police about the violent incidents between the mother and daughter and the Ministry of Family and Social Services' protection of Akkaya's daughter divided her social media followers. While some of those who commented on the incident found Deniz Akkaya right, others blamed the former model.
The Akkaya incident brought up the questioning of today's adolescent profile and the positive or negative behaviors of families while raising children.
Stating that the child has become the boss of the family today due to the mistakes made by families while raising children, President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that "One of the most important problems in families today is the harassment of adolescents by their families. Today, abusive adolescents put parents in a difficult position." Prof. Tarhan's evaluations are as follows:
THE PROBLEM OF BROKEN FAMILIES
The fact that children and adolescents abuse their parent emerges the most in broken families or single-parent households, or when there is a conflicting communication in the family. Generally, father is not around. Or the mother takes on the role of both mother and father. Or parents cannot set rules for the child due to debates. In both cases, children are raised with loose discipline and love enough for two-three people. When children raised with loose discipline become adolescents, they take the lead over their parents and become the leader of the house.
OVERPARENTING IS HARMFUL
Adolescence is a period in which emotions are dominant rather than reason. One knows no limits to their wishes, as every request of the child has been made in the past. They see the mother and father as fruit trees and begin to shake them off. All of this is the result of what we call over-parenting. The child used to want a toy car. When the child enters adolescence, the child. wants a real car. The child asks, why did you give birth to me. They say that if you gave birth, you meet everything I want.
FROM PATRIARCHAL FAMILY TO CHILD-ORIENTED FAMILY
If there is no regulated environment in a family, if children cannot learn where to stand, if boundaries are not set, these children easily take the lead at home. Parents cannot say no to them either. We have moved from patriarchal families to ‘children-oriented’ families today. It is necessary to be determined, consistent, continuous and disciplined towards the child. Discipline and admonition are like snowfall, and if it is continuous, it settles. There are some parents who kiss their child in the morning and praise them and tell them they are unique but, in the afternoon, they humiliate the child and say, ‘Why did I give birth to you?’
OUR UNDERSTANDING OF HAPPINESS IS SO WRONG
Being a parent does not mean always making your children happy but preparing them for life. Our understanding of happiness is very wrong, and we are focused on making the child happy at that moment. We do not think that whatever they do to be happy in 3 years or 10 years. The most important reason is that parents should raise their children focused on their current happiness, whereas children should be raised focused on medium and long-term happiness, and they should learn that happiness cannot be achieved without paying a price.
CHILD OF BROKEN FAMILY HARMED BY SOCIAL MEDIA
If the house is a regulated environment, if the parents have sufficient control over the child and their leadership, the child is not affected by social media. If there is no warm safe environment at home, children see social media as a place to reduce stress and relax. Until the age of 10, children look up to their family, but then they are more influenced by their friends. If they do not have a family they believe in and they have a sense of belonging, they are manipulated by social media and the picture gets worse.
DO NOT MEET THE CHILD'S EVERY REQUEST
The fact that the parents do everything the child says, meet every request, and manage the child's life causes the child to grow up pleasure-oriented and self-centered. If a child's sense of autonomy is high, that child begins to defy the parents when they enter adolescence. Parents are also at odds with the child. When their relationship with their parents deteriorates, their relationship with life deteriorates. Therefore, positive communication should be established in such situations. As a guide, not a captain, point them in the right direction.
CHALLENGING ADOLESCENCE IS A CRY FOR HELP
Adolescence is considered a normal schizophrenic period in the literature. If a person shows the behaviors of adolescence at the age of 40, their mental health is said to be impaired. It is natural for adolescents to make mistakes. The adolescent will make mistakes, the parents will tenderly correct them. Even the most challenging adolescent can be solved in some way, but parents are very impatient and want it to happen immediately. It is difficult, but not impossible. Challenging adolescents can also become successful people in the future. Challenging adolescence should not be seen as a threat, but as a cry for help. If they are treated correctly during this period, they will be more attached to their parents in the future.