Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that uneducated families use violence as a problem-solving style, said, “According to research, if children witness violence from their family, from their parents, they also perpetrate it themselves. That is, they have learned this, saying, ‘I saw this from my family,’ and they apply it to their own family at home.” Prof. Dr. Tarhan also stated that if these individuals do not make a special effort to change themselves, they continue the methods they have learned exactly as they are, adding, “People enter a spiral of violence. And 50% of violence against women is perpetrated by their husbands. Consider homicides. And 60% of women are killed in their own homes.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, evaluated the issue of anger control for a violence-free family and society.
The Most Notorious of Living Beings in Aggression…
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, stating that violence has existed since the first creation of humanity in the world, said, “Humans, mankind, are the most notorious of living beings when it comes to violence and aggression. The wars that have occurred in the last 100 years are the best example of this. There is nothing like this in the animal kingdom. There is no creature as cruel and violent as a human. This is unfortunately a struggle between good and evil, between the aggressive and the non-aggressive. It is a struggle that will continue until the end of humanity.”
Two Unmanageable Emotions Make Humans Aggressive…
Tarhan, expressing that aggressive feelings exist within humans, said, “We have two fundamental emotions. One is sexuality, the other is aggression. One directs humans towards pleasure, the other is an emotion that exists to protect from danger. When you cannot manage these two emotions well, a person becomes aggressive, meaning they become prone to crime. In a way, mankind does not know where to stop. This is closely related to the way one is raised.”
Humans Can Become Aggressive in the Face of an Imaginary Danger
Tarhan explained that other living beings are not aggressive when they meet their basic needs, are full, and if no one interferes with their security areas. He said, “Even a lion stays far away, does nothing if you don't enter its territory. But humans are not like that. That is, a human can become aggressive in the face of an imaginary danger. They can become aggressive due to various fears and inflict the most violence on those closest to them.”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that laws were enacted to prevent violence against women, but despite these laws, violence has not decreased, but rather increased. He continued, “On the contrary, this means there is a diagnostic error here. It is necessary to reconsider and review some things. It is necessary to question, ‘Were laws appropriate for our culture enacted or not?’ So, violence will not end for this reason, but it can be minimized, reduced.”
If You Manage It Well, It Will Lead You to Your Goal!
Tarhan explained that from childhood, an individual distinguishes between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, saying, “Firstly, they learn from parents, secondly, from society and school. This is related to learning behavior; aggression is a learned behavior. The aggressive impulse is innate, but managing it needs to be learned. It's like a kind of energy, like the energy in a car. If you manage it well, it will lead you to your goal. It will enable you to overcome difficulties, protect you from evils, but if you cannot manage it well, then you will have committed a crime, harmed the environment. That is, you will have negatively affected the children you raise, and most importantly, what they call violence on top of domestic violence.”
Children Who Experience Violence Perpetrate Violence
Tarhan stated that 17% of cases applying to services in America are domestic violence cases, and that the rate is not as high here currently, adding:
“But for domestic issues, emergency services are sought. Due to various dangerous incidents like injury. Therefore, this is a global problem. Not just in Turkey. In Turkey, the rate of violence in the form of homicide is very high. Unfortunately, we are ahead among OECD countries worldwide. That is, there are homicides, various murders. Certain risk factors for directing towards violence are being investigated here. The most important risk factor is in uneducated families. That is, uneducated families use violence as a problem-solving style. They use violence as a method of sanction against children within the family.
According to research, if children witness violence from their family, from their parents, they also perpetrate violence themselves. That is, they have learned this, saying, ‘I saw this from my family,’ and they apply it to their own family at home. If they do not make a special effort to change themselves, they continue the methods they have learned exactly as they are, and a person enters a spiral of violence. And 50% of violence against women is perpetrated by their husbands. Consider homicides. And 60% of women are killed in their own homes.”
If Alcohol is Present, Violence Emerges Much More Easily
Tarhan, stating that the method of obtaining restraining orders in cases of violence does not yield results, added that methods like electronic ankle monitors are not deterrents, and continued:
“These are, of course, necessary up to a point, but a truly protective and preventive step needs to be taken. We see that alcohol and substances are very prominent in this violence. Among those involved in violence, for example, 60-70% of those who kill their spouse are certainly under the influence of alcohol. Because alcohol impairs a person's ability to think. By impairing it, it disrupts decision-making and anger control abilities. When there is anger, a person's thought control is already impaired, and when alcohol is added, violence emerges much more easily.”
If There is a High-Risk Factor, Judicial Processes Need to Be Activated
Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that there is always a precursor event in domestic homicides, stating:
“There are some precursor violences. They are evident in other family members. In such situations, social service experts come in and intervene. We lack long-term closed rehabilitation centers. Instead of giving restraining orders to individuals considered at high risk and prone to violence, we need rehabilitation centers where they can receive treatment and be rehabilitated, even for a month, depending on the situation... Also, places known as reformatories for children. Many developed countries have clinics for this. They admit people for 6 months and don't release them. With a doctor's report and a court decision, they can keep these individuals there for a long time. That is, a person does not have the freedom to harm themselves, nor the freedom to harm others. Therefore, if there is a high-risk factor in this regard, judicial processes need to be activated as necessary.”
Emphasizing that education, parent education, and children's education are truly important, Tarhan stated:
“The moment we apply violence to our child as a sanction, as a problem-solving method, our child will apply it in the future. This needs to be known. We see this most in children who cannot express their emotions. That is, children need to be helped in expressing their emotions and naming their emotions. They cannot name their emotion; anger accumulates and suddenly explodes. If they could name their emotion, express it, ‘What is acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior for solving a problem?’ if the rules for this were clear in the family, ‘This behavior is unacceptable in our family, violence is unacceptable behavior, defending oneself in this way, expressing and naming emotions are acceptable behaviors’ - the child does not learn this from the family through verbal behavior.”
If You Fight the Strong with Jungle Law, You Lose
Tarhan, stating that children learn through observed examples, concluded his words as follows:
“They learn by parents being role models. And therefore, the issue here is related to how parents raise their children. If there are aggression attempts in a family currently, responding to anger with anger, if they throw a plate and you throw one too, you enter the jungle law of the strong. What exists in jungle law is that the strong dictate. And if you fight the strong with jungle law, you lose.
Therefore, it is necessary to use the thinking brain. They act with their feeling brain. To take with the thinking brain and, in that moment, say ‘I don't like this behavior of yours, I don't find it right, but let's not make a scene,’ and then leave and walk away. For example, in moments of immediate anger, responding to anger with anger, this is the biggest case, and then both sides regret it.”