Tarhan met his readers from Gaziantep…

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, attended the book fair organized for the 10th time this year by Gaziantep Şahinbey Municipality. Speaking with the people of Gaziantep on the topic of 'Youth and Family in the Digital Age,' Tarhan drew attention to the opportunities offered by the digital world, as well as its threats. He emphasized the importance of instilling moral values in children and using technology consciously. Underlining that the era is not just an age of information but an age of wisdom, Tarhan stated that individuals with strong character, compassion, and human values will survive and have a more important place in the future. After the highly attended talk, Tarhan signed his books for his readers.  

The people of Gaziantep showed great interest in the talk held at the Şahinbey Congress and Art Center.  

'If parents read, children read too'

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan, drawing attention to the importance of the family environment and parental example in acquiring reading habits, addressed the impact of digitalization and the role of parents in children's development. Tarhan; 'When it comes to reading habits, I remember something. A writer goes to Russia. He asks, 'You've raised Tolstoy, Dostoevsky in Russia. How do you instill reading habits in children?' And he replies, 'We don't instill reading habits in children; children are already born into books.' In other words, if parents read at home, children read too. Currently, digitalization has globally overturned everything. Nevertheless, it's important that reading habits don't change, even with podcasts or e-books. On the contrary, digitalization has even increased the need for reading books. It's different before the age of 10, and different after the age of 10. Before the age of 10, parents are heroes for a child. Children learn through imitation and repetition of their parents. Being a good role model here is important. Children take their mother, father, and their relationship as an example,' he stated.

'Not those with much knowledge, but those with character will survive'

Tarhan noted that the digital world should not be seen merely as a threat for children; 'Digitalization should not be seen as the opposite of pleasure. Children enjoy it. For example, why is there excessive screen exposure? Are they using it as a stress-reduction technique, out of curiosity, or for what purpose? What's important here is that children use the digital world under parental supervision, with their parents, both before and after the age of 10. Since children are currently born into the digital world, they are natives of the digital world. We, on the other hand, as those of an older age in the digital world, are like nomads. Therefore, we need to ask them, 'How was this, how was that?' If we ask this, the child both learns themselves and gets the opportunity to build a two-way relationship with their parents. Let's not see this as a threat. There is a threat dimension, but there is also an opportunity dimension in terms of knowing life, accessing information, and making life easier. How will our children survive in this digital world in the future? Those who succeed in being human will survive. Not those with much knowledge, but those with character will survive. How can I strengthen my child's character? Character is strengthened by compassion, conscience, and learning human values. The age of information will grow, but artificial intelligence, the digital world, cannot be wise. It cannot currently replace emotions. In the 60s, we were discussing 'Can machines think?' Now, 'Can machines feel?' is being discussed. Those working with artificial intelligence are striving to make machines feel. They ask, 'Can artificial intelligence read our emotions, can it replace us?' In such a period, if we teach our children the wisdom of being human, we should not be afraid of the digital world at all,' he said. 

'Values like compassion are not taught through conferences'

Prof. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out that digitalization and popular culture encourage a pleasure, speed, and ambition-oriented approach in children; '3H: Pleasure, speed, ambition. The generation growing up now is ambitious. That is, digitalization and popular culture greatly encourage insatiable, irresponsible, and greedy behavior. There is always a success-oriented approach. They see being successful as a measure of worth. They see being visible as a measure of worth. They see experiencing pleasure as a measure of worth. However, the measure of worth is not dependent on external causes, but on internal causes. It depends on one's self-development and how one can add meaning to their life through digitalization. For example, when dealing with the digital world, parents need to teach their child to ask, 'What did this add to me?' instead of 'I enjoyed this, I had a good time.' If a child learns this, they can manage digitalization like a wild horse. If you tame a wild horse, it will obey you; if you don't tame it, it will take you wherever it wants. Currently, the digital world is like a wild horse, like nuclear energy. If we use it for a good purpose, it will give us speed and make our lives easier. If we chase ambition and pleasure, technology will still speed up our lives, but we will have a moral compass, and these values will guide our lives. These human values, values like compassion, are not taught through conferences. A father wanted to teach his child the virtues of speaking little. He talked for a full three hours about the virtues of speaking little. The child then said, 'Dad, you talk for three hours just to talk little; you can't even do it yourself.' That's why being an example is much more important here,' he said.

'Mistakes are part of growth…'

Tarhan stated that encountered problems should be seen not as threats, but as opportunities for development; 'Every problem is an opportunity, not a threat. In fact, mistakes and errors are part of perfection, of growth. This is also mentioned in quantum physics. A specialist named Lorenz, working in meteorology, was once doing a weather forecasting study on the computer. He went to drink coffee. He left without saving his work. When he returned, he saw that all his work had turned into chaos, becoming complicated. 'Oh no, all the effort was in vain,' he said. 'Well, I'll continue from where I left off,' he said. He noticed that he was forecasting better. His mistake turned out to be positive for him. First, they called this the 'coffee effect,' and later it was called the 'butterfly effect.' Things that appear as chaos, which we consider errors, can actually lead a person to make new discoveries. There is a perfect order, a perfect system in the universe. A person also discovers new things while solving problems within this system. If adults approach problems within the family by asking, 'What did this problem teach me, what did it teach us?' children and young people will also approach them in the same way. Being able to say, 'What did it teach me, what did I gain?' is much more valuable,' he stated.

'These are things artificial intelligence cannot do'

Tarhan, drawing attention to the importance of social and emotional skills in preparing children for the future, emphasized that academic success alone is not enough and highlighted the importance of establishing correct communication in solving problems. Tarhan; 'We always teach children to use their logical brain. The capitalist system has a 'earn, consume' cycle. What we truly need to teach our children are social and emotional skills. These are things artificial intelligence cannot do. Those with high levels of these skills will survive. Artificial intelligence has taken, and is taking, the place of academic intelligence. Currently, a person does something in a few hours with artificial intelligence that would take three or four years to learn. Academic success has now fallen to the background. The real difference will be made by those with social and emotional skills. Also, be assured that the vast majority of problems are related to emotional reasons. You see ego wars: 'What I say, what you say, my money, your money, my right, your right…' Therefore, we will let some things cool down. Then we will investigate why this happened. In problem-solving, the other party uses 'you-language' too much. They ask, 'Why did you do this like this? Why did you put this here?' Using 'I-language' instead of 'you-language' is very effective here. Being able to say, 'I think it would be better if it were like this, not like that,' and approaching with 'I-language' is important,' he said. 

'When values weaken, the child gives themselves to the computer'

Tarhan, drawing attention to the effects of the weakening of values that hold the family together on children's behavior and family relationships; 'Family values have weakened. There are physical values that hold a family together: property, assets, salaries, wealth… And there are psychological values: mutual love, respect, responsibility, patience, loyalty, and so on. If these values that hold the family together are absent, conflict, disagreement, and problem-solving methods are also affected. When these values weaken, children give themselves to the computer. They get engrossed in computers, tablets, or mobile phones and become gaming addicts. Parents have also lost leadership to the child. The child is the leader of the house. Since they have done everything the child said from an early age, they cannot control the child. If you lose leadership to the child after they turn 15, it's very difficult to correct. They resort to violence. We have adolescents hospitalized. After the pandemic, we saw those most affected by this situation. We now see mothers with black eyes, whose children use violence against them. A child who broke his mother's finger came recently. We look at how he was raised; he was raised like the prince of the house. If you raise a child that way, after a while, they defy you. All human values need to be taught. Otherwise, an ego-inflated, narcissistic child grows up. After a while, they become a child who looks down on their parents, perceiving them as an obstacle. They say, 'Everyone should treat me like someone else.' When they are not treated that way, they become lonely. The cause of global loneliness is narcissism,' he said.

'Is social media a threat or an opportunity for us?'

Tarhan stated that social media and artificial intelligence can be both a threat and an opportunity for young people; 'Social media is a very important tool, especially for young people, available to everyone. Is social media and artificial intelligence a threat or an opportunity for us? We will look at this. If we look at the threat dimension, it will affect us negatively; if we look at the opportunity dimension, it will make our lives easier. Technology gives speed to our lives, human values guide our lives. We will teach our children a moral compass. If a child has a moral compass, when someone teaches them something wrong or says something wrong in the future, they will think according to that compass. They will ask, 'What did this action bring me?' They will not be content with saying, 'I enjoyed it, I had a good time.' They will ask, 'What did this bring me? What did this teach me? How did this event contribute to my life?' We need to make children ask these questions. First, we will do this ourselves. If a father coming home constantly checks his mobile phone, is always in front of a screen, and everyone in the house is together yet disconnected from each other, he cannot be an example to the child. In fact, when eating at home, set aside an empty plate and put the phones on that plate. Because eating is one of the activities where our brain secretes dopamine. Dopamine is the brain's pleasure chemical. When we watch or do something we enjoy while eating, the brain secretes dopamine,' he stated.

'Those with strong human values and character will survive'

Tarhan stated that people experience three different realities: physical reality, imagination, and dreams; 'We always knew there were three realities. Physical reality, the world we live in. The second reality is imagination. We imagine, and when the imagination ends, we say, 'This was a dream, not real.' And there is a third reality, which is dream reality. We dream, and when we wake up, we say, 'This was a dream,' and return to physical reality. We call those who see a dream and believe it, or who daydream during the day and try to live their dream as if it were real, schizophrenic. In schizophrenia, the brain's reality-testing network is disrupted. Artificial intelligence has now blurred the boundaries of emotional, social, identity, and moral identity. This has affected our perception of reality. Therefore, we need to talk with children and young people about how they interpret the things they listen to and watch when using artificial intelligence applications. Parenthood is difficult right now. Previously, 50 years ago, 100 years ago, if a parent spent half an hour with their child, now they will spend an hour. They will be their child's life companion, teaching them about life, wrongs, and rights. If we do this, we can provide proper guidance to our child. That is why we call this era not the age of information, but the age of wisdom. Those who are wise, who develop themselves, who have strong human values and character will survive. Unfortunately, the digital world will sweep away and lose the others, those with weak character,' he said.  

Following the talk, a book signing took place.

Tarhan signed his written works for his readers.