In Istanbul, the murder of academician Dr. Aylin Sözer by her ex-boyfriend Kemal Ayyıldız once again brought femicides in our country to the agenda. Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, pointed out that those who commit such crimes usually have personality disorders. Emphasizing the importance of compassion and courtesy in close relationships, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Today, two concepts have greatly deteriorated in close relationships and lives: one is compassion and the other is courtesy. One cannot progress in life with a person who is uncompassionate, discourteous, disrespectful, and boorish.” Stressing that deterrent punishments are not enough to combat such acts of violence, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the family institution should be considered as the highest priority project. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan warned, “The building block of society is the family. If we fail to establish warm family relationships, such incidents will increase even further. That's why we need to invest in the family.”
Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan, made evaluations regarding the death of academician Dr. Aylin Sözer, who was allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend Kemal Ayyıldız by having her throat cut, and violence.
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan described the incident as “a very brutal murder” and said, “The incident appears to have been designed and planned. He allegedly cut her throat beforehand and was then caught when the police arrived while trying to destroy evidence. In such murders, from a psychiatric perspective, we usually look at two things: Is this person sick or is this person evil? If this person is sick, there must certainly be behaviors and symptoms related to the illness in their past. A person must have given precursors before committing such a planned murder. They must have given some clues, mentioned it here and there. It needs to be investigated why these did not come to light, why they were not caught.”
Narcissistic individuals are prone to such crimes
Stating that those who commit murder are generally not people with mental disorders, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explained that these individuals are narcissistic and have high egos, saying, “These individuals are usually largely people with personality disorders. They are individuals with very high narcissistic elements and egos. They become furious when told no. So much so that such a person in an emotional, romantic relationship, when told no, sees the other party as having no right to say no, sees the other person as their own appendage. They see the person like an arm that moves up when told to and down when told to. Since they do not see the woman as a separate individual, but as an appendage, they think they have the right to harm her.”
It is necessary to know how to say no to such individuals
Noting that ego inflation is extremely high in such individuals, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “For this reason, we tell young people that if they have friendships or emotional relationships with egocentric individuals, they are likely to experience a master-slave relationship. If you can accept such a relationship, continue. It is very important to be able to say no to this person when problems are still small, before the relationship reaches this point. From this, I say to all our young girls: Currently in the USA, there are campaigns called 'True love waits.' At the beginning of a relationship, when this person has limitless and immoderate behaviors, it is necessary to say no. In some relationships, the person remains silent, does not object, accepts because they are afraid of losing the other person. However, that person is wrong, you need to say 'if you lose, lose them.' A relationship with people who enslave and make the other party a prisoner to this extent will not last. After a while, they start to see you not just as a woman, as a human, but as an obstacle in their life, an obstacle in their path. And as a result, they can commit savage, ruthless murders.”
It is necessary to test with small 'no's
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan noted that people who commit such murders are ruthless individuals with antisocial traits, saying, “One should not enter into close relationships with such people. If there is intimacy and a close relationship, that person must definitely be tested. They must be tested with small 'no's. An untested relationship will not last. Let's test them by saying no nicely on some issues. If they tend towards violence in such situations, that person is the wrong person, one needs to part ways with them.”
We are first in violence among OECD countries
Stating that Turkey ranks first in terms of violence according to OECD statistics, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “In 2019, we are first among OECD countries in violence against women or partners. OECD's 2019 statistics show this. The USA comes second. Third is New Zealand, fourth is Lithuania, fifth is Denmark, Finland, and the United Kingdom are next.”
Get to know the people who enter your life well
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that there are measures that both individuals and institutions can take against such murders, emphasizing that a person needs to know the person who enters their life very well: “There are individual remedies, things society can do, things the state can do. Individually, I can say this. Before entering into close relationships to the point of letting them into your home, you need to know those people well. This applies to both women and men. For example, if that person lies, if they don't keep their word, loving them deeply is not enough. You can love them deeply, be in love, but love needs to be accompanied by honesty. Right now, I see two concepts have greatly deteriorated in close relationships and lives. One is compassion and the other is courtesy. Young men and women, those who are pre-marital, should definitely not enter relationships where these two concepts are not respected. One cannot progress in life with an uncompassionate person. Therefore, one cannot progress in life with a discourteous, disrespectful, boorish person. You cannot even share a dolmuş (shared taxi) with people who do not possess these two qualities. Everyone needs to know this. The lesson young people should learn from this is: does the person I want as a life partner or close friend have these two qualities or not? Love is generally a modernism myth right now. They say if there is love, everything will happen. No, friend, it doesn't. If good cooperation can be established, love continues, otherwise it evaporates. The basis of establishing good cooperation is love plus honesty. Approaching someone who lies and is disrespectful is a very serious ignorance.”
The family should be considered the most important project
Stresssing that deterrent punishments are not enough to combat such acts of violence, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that the family institution should be considered as the highest priority project. Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “The building block of society is the family. If we fail to establish warm family relationships, such incidents will increase even further. That's why we need to invest in the family. Decision-makers also have important responsibilities in this regard. I checked TÜİK data and found the latest statistics on violence against women for 2014. There are none after 2014. Statistics are such that if we have them, we understand the past, plan the future, and manage the present. We cannot do anything without statistics. TÜİK should publish these statistics as soon as possible. We should see them and make our plans accordingly.”