Prof. Tarhan: “Many connections, but no deep and secure attachment”

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan was a live guest on the “Akşam Masası with Ahu Orakçıoğlu” program broadcast on EKOTÜRK TV. Tarhan discussed “Society and Our Psychology,” evaluating the relationship of human behavior with trust, justice, and social conditions. Drawing attention to Türkiye’s identity formation process, the ability to tolerate differences, and the importance of the social contract, Tarhan addressed issues of secure attachment and social isolation among young people. Addressing the impact of global narcissistic culture on loneliness, avoidance of marriage, and interpersonal conflicts, Tarhan also highlighted the role of family relationships in the identity development of children and adolescents. Tarhan also noted that young people's expectations for individuality, justice, and innocence stand out, emphasizing the importance of proper guidance. 

“Uncertainty is the situation humans tolerate least”

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan pointed out the importance of trust, noting that good and evil periodically follow each other throughout human history. Tarhan said; “When we look at human history, good and evil progress sinusoidally. Evil increases, the value of good is understood. The bad consequences of evil start to be seen, and it is said, ‘Goodness is important.’ This time evil decreases, and good starts to increase. Rome was not destroyed by external threats but entirely by internal conflicts. There is a bad part within us. Hobbes even says, ‘Man is a wolf to man.’ In contrast, our culture, ancient cultures say, ‘Man is man's homeland and horizon.’ When does man become a wolf to man? When there is no environment of trust, when everyone seems to be fighting everyone, if there is no fair sharing... If a person asks these three questions, trust does not develop: First, ‘Will my rights be violated?’, second, ‘Will I be deceived?’, third, ‘Are the rules valid for everyone?’ If a person cannot ask these questions, their brain operates with threat, there is uncertainty. Uncertainty is the situation humans tolerate least. If you are walking in a forest and don't know where danger will emerge from, you lose your appetite for food and drink, you do things focused on safety. In such situations, people focus on survival, meaning they focus on survival rather than self-development or growth. There is such a perception of threat.” 

“We have progressed in terms of tolerating differences”

Tarhan drew attention to the problems Türkiye has experienced in its social identity formation process and the progress made over time; “Türkiye has not overcome its identity confusion. After the Ottoman Empire, with the Republic came identity chaos... Normally, when a person enters adolescence, they ask, ‘Who am I, where should I go, why?’ A sense of belonging develops, identity develops, and one overcomes identity confusion and identity chaos. Adolescence ends around 22 years of age. After that, one leads a life at peace with oneself, at peace with society, and goal-oriented. Socially, strides are being made in identity confusion compared to the past. We currently have a father complex. The end of the Ottoman Empire is a sick father. The mourning needs to be resolved, we couldn't resolve the grief. Because the established order in Türkiye does not want it to be resolved. The official ideology in Türkiye does not want it. There is an interesting sociological observation. Türkiye seems to want to remain stuck in the 1930s. There is an anachronism here. The reason for this is our inability to overcome identity confusion and its politicization. The inability to form a social contract on this issue. If a social contract were formed, it would end, but much progress has been made on this compared to the past. We have progressed much further in terms of tolerating differences.”

“As Anatolian wisdom, we are prone to establish cooperation”

Emphasizing the impact of trust on one's inclination to cooperate, Tarhan stated that the social environment shapes human behavior. Tarhan said; “When a person does not feel safe or in a fair environment, they become a wolf to man, but when a person feels safe and has no anxiety about the future, they start to cooperate with others. The system changes according to conditions. As Anatolian wisdom, we are quick to establish cooperation when there is fair sharing, no anxiety about the future, and an environment where one feels safe. If there is tension, polarization, discrimination, then everyone blames each other, violence increases, these incidents increase, and the situation is bad, a person says, ‘I must protect myself.’ This is Hobbes’s theory.”

“If corruption and poverty increase, no one is happy”

Evaluating the characteristics and needs of the younger generation, Tarhan emphasized the importance of justice, compassion, and mercy in maintaining social order; “If corruption and poverty increase, no one is happy. Machiavelli says, ‘A leader should be as strong as a lion and as cunning as a fox, but should treat their people with compassion.’ Even from a Machiavellian perspective, it's like that, but he says: ‘He does not have to be compassionate to those who will harm him. A few people can sometimes be hanged.’ Our society attaches great importance to respect, compassion, and mercy. It values them despite many wear and tear, global storms, digital influences, and non-transparent algorithms. I do not see Generation Z as under threat. They are self-centered, comfort-seeking, but lovable. Young people have high expectations for innocence and justice. There is a very distinct difference in the new generation. Individuality is at the forefront here. People become individualistic in chaotic environments anyway. In chaotic environments, they tend to act individually, individualistically, rather than collectively. If the people they see as leaders guide them well, if they become mentors, they can recover.”

“Parents who know conflict resolution can solve that conflict”

Emphasizing that the relationship within the family, as well as the mother and father, plays an important role in children's identity development, Tarhan said; “Until the age of 10-12, parents are the child's heroes. After that, the child starts to question their parents. When they enter adolescence, while asking ‘Who am I, where should I go, why?’, they start to criticize their parents here. Placing friends in a more important position than parents while criticizing is in line with their age. Parents who know conflict resolution can solve that conflict. It's a human condition, one can be hurt, voices can be raised, sometimes there can be violent behavior, but then it can be compensated for. A child takes three things as an example. The mother, the father, and their relationship. That relationship is more effective than the rules at home. Young people currently gather good and bad from their mothers and fathers. Afterwards, they form their own identities.”

“Many connections, but no attachment”

Highlighting the importance of environmental factors in psychological disorders, Tarhan stated that social isolation and secure attachment issues are prominent among young people. Tarhan said; “In psychological disorders, environmental factors have now surpassed genetic transmission. Personality is 30 percent, epigenetic learning is 60 percent. It used to be said to be 50 percent. In reality, there are many connections, but no attachment among young people. There are connections, but no deep and secure attachment. People are lonely in a crowd. There is a major study conducted in England on 53,000 people in 2018 by the University of Manchester and the BBC. Those who say ‘I am lonely, very lonely’ are identified. 40 percent are between 16-24 years old, 24 percent are over 75 years old. Most of them have social isolation, digital isolation. It is no different in Türkiye.” 

“That becomes a false relief”

Tarhan drew attention to the impact of the global spread of narcissistic culture on loneliness, avoidance of marriage, and interpersonal conflicts; “It's becoming an epidemic, a pandemic now. Narcissism is becoming global narcissism. As in our country, throughout the world, the biggest reason behind loneliness, especially people's avoidance and fear of marriage, and conflicts, is the widespread narcissistic culture. The capitalist system greatly encourages this, because it promotes competition and has a perspective of increasing production by increasing consumption. By saying, ‘You deserve everything, you are good, you are perfect,’ by saying, ‘There are no mistakes, there are results. You are good.’ Our personality structure is like seasoning: good, bad, bitter, sour, pickled, all exist. We have a good part, we have a bad part. What we suggest is that a person should know their negative, malicious aspects, gain self-confidence by confronting them, not by ignoring them. Currently, global culture ignores negative aspects, attributes them to external causes, saying, ‘They did it.’ In narcissistic behavior, what is there anyway, ‘I am good, they are bad,’ externalizing it, easily projecting it. That becomes a false relief, but a person remains alone.” 

“They perceive it as a threat to their masks of perfection”

Tarhan stated that power and control stand out as a fundamental dynamic in narcissistic personality traits; “In narcissistic personality traits, there is a power-oriented way of thinking. They glorify power. Power is a fundamental dynamic for them. ‘I must be strong, I must control everything, I must be special, important, superior, the other side should never bother me, everything must be perfect, everyone must always obey me.’ They have such an approach. Narcissistic individuals cannot tolerate criticism. They cannot say, ‘This person thinks differently.’ They start to wonder, ‘Is this person like my enemy?’ They start to see those who think differently as a threat. They even have their own masks of perfection. They perceive criticism of perfection as a threat to their masks of perfection, they are terribly afraid. Narcissists are terribly cowardly in their inner world. Their oxygen is praise.”