Founding Rector of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was a speaker at the event titled “Women's Psychology,” held as part of International Women's Day on March 8. Making important evaluations based on his work titled “Women's Psychology,” Tarhan stated that the character of women has undergone a societal change. Tarhan said; “As a result of cultural change, women in particular have experienced a great societal transformation. In this new era, men may not be able to make sense of some situations. Men need education to understand women's psychology. This needs to be prioritized in education policies.”
“The work 'Women's Psychology' became one of the most widely read works”
On International Women's Day, March 8, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was the guest of an online event organized by Binaqadi Ganclar Evi in Azerbaijan. In the program moderated by Fereh Quliyeva, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan made important evaluations in the context of “Women's Psychology.” Tarhan said; “The book 'Women's Psychology' was published in 2014 after extensive preparation. It became one of my most frequently printed books. In 2003, after a female imam led prayers in a mosque in America and the Twin Towers incident, I decided to write a book on male and female relationships reflecting an Islamic perspective. Women's rights, to me, are the soft underbelly of the Islamic world. I decided to research women's modernization and liberation movement through Islamic psychology and neuroscience. In 'Women's Psychology,' I wanted men to understand changing women's policies. As a result of cultural change, women in particular have experienced a great societal transformation. In this new era, men may not be able to make sense of some situations. Men need education to understand women's psychology. This needs to be prioritized in education policies. In the book, I focused on how we can modernize while preserving our own values. We need to evaluate women's psychology from psychological, neurological, and social psychological perspectives. Women and men are psychologically created with different natures.” he said.
“With the societal change in women's roles, household fragility increased”
Tarhan stated that society has not been able to adapt to the changes occurring in gender roles; “With the change in social roles in the modern world, the position of women has changed. As a result, divorces increased, and there was a great increase in the number of single-person households. This means household fragility. The female and male brains operate with very different mechanisms. By compiling my work in this field into a book, we authored one of the first resources written in this area. The feeling of love manifests in very different ways. The female and male brains react differently in stressful moments. While the female brain tends to overcome stress by talking, the male brain tries to get through the situation by withdrawing to its corner. Women's empathy skills and emotional literacy are quite developed compared to men. I believe that women being mothers plays a role in these characteristics. The left brain is prone to logical characteristics, while the right brain is more inclined towards artistic activities. The prefrontal cortex provides a balance between the two. Women's speaking and narration skills are highly developed. If women were not like this, it would negatively affect children's development while caring for them, and most children would be autistic. The psychological, sociological, and biological characteristics of female and male psychology are very important.” he stated.
“The change occurring in women's roles should be taught through education”
Highlighting the changes in men's and women's roles in the modern age, Tarhan stated that this change should be taught through education. Tarhan said; “As a result of cultural change, women in particular have experienced a great societal transformation. In this new era, men may not be able to make sense of some situations. Men need education to understand women's psychology. This needs to be prioritized in education policies. We need to recognize the changes in men's and women's roles. But if we do it like the West, we will make a mistake. For those who come for couple's therapy, we administer individual personality tests, and then the family's relationship status emerges. If any problem is detected, we work on it. One of the biggest problems in marriages is the tendency to read intentions. In psychology, this is called a 'self-fulfilling prophecy.' Sleep decreases in love. According to Rumi, the daughter of one of the viziers in Khorasan was afflicted with the disease of love. A physician had the girl name all the towns. In one town, he detected an increase in the girl's heart rate and thus found the person she was in love with. This method is entirely one of the methods used by neuroscience. When experiencing love, the body secretes different hormones. We have a pharmacy in our brain, and we activate it. In impossible loves, disturbances occur in brain chemistry. This needs to be treated.” he spoke.
“I wrote the work 'Women's Psychology' for men”
Tarhan stated that he wrote the work 'Women's Psychology' not for women, but for men; “We named it 'Women's Psychology' so that men would read it, but women read it again. It's thought that it might harm male ego, but such a situation is not the case. When I wrote this book, my late wife said I wrote it thanks to her. I realized this later. The Marriage Maturity Scale should be administered to those applying for marriage. As a result, individuals can change characteristics that are not suitable for marriage. This test is also very easy to apply. Young people generally embark on this path without knowing the concept of marriage. One who is to marry should remain an 'I' while becoming a 'we'. Both parties should not ignore each other's personality. Expecting someone to change, applying roles learned from your parents, is a meaningless effort. Both parties have a certain life scenario. Stubborn individuals without mental flexibility cause major problems in marriage. Compatibility is very important before marriage. Certain levels of compatibility need to be ensured in marriage maturity. These are economic level, social status, physical appearance, and cultural proximity. However, the most important compatibility is that they love each other. Love in marriage is not a cause, but a result. Good marriage and love emerge through love and cooperation.” he said.
“Divorce in marriage is not an option, but a consequence”
Tarhan, pointing out that divorce is seen as an option in our age, touched upon what needs to be done before reaching the divorce stage. Tarhan said; “Divorce in marriage is not an option, but a consequence. People who lack marriage maturity struggle to sustain a marriage. Marriage is like a surgeon entering an operation. You cannot simply leave in the middle of the operation saying 'I'm bored'. Currently, in a class of 40 students, at least 15-20 children come from broken families. Such children are more prone to suicide and find it difficult to cope with problems. These children also have troubled perspectives on marriage. Couples divorce from being husband and wife, but not from being mother and father. After divorce, families should maintain good communication for their children. Before reaching the divorce stage, they need to consult specialists like a couple's therapist. Parents should be able to tell their child in the future that they did their best for the marriage to work. Psychologists with Western education often work more like divorce therapists than couple's therapists. The main reason for unsuccessful marriages is the lack of developed problem-solving skills. There are 'viruses' in marriage. Viruses like lying gradually spread through the marriage and lead to its end. We used to define marriage as a nest of love. But now we define it as a nest of trust. Because love alone is not enough. Trust should be paramount in marriage. Love, respect, patience, loyalty, and sincerity are a method we code as the 5S rule in marriage. When these five concepts are provided, the marriage proceeds securely. If we want to raise healthy children, we need to create a warm environment at home. A child who comes home feeling like they're coming to court will not want to come home.” he stated.
“Let's protect the family, which is the last fortress”
Finally, addressing women on the occasion of International Women's Day on March 8, Tarhan emphasized that the family is the last refuge. Tarhan said; “Family values are disintegrating worldwide. Today, there's a fire in the family. The family is the last refuge; we need to keep the fortress of the family standing. Walls in families have collapsed due to reasons like social media, emerging with the latest technology. Social media has become the open door of the home. All kinds of negative situations enter the warm environment of the home. We need to protect the warm environment of the home.” he said.