Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was a guest on an Instagram live broadcast titled “Adolescent Psychology and Parental Attitude,” organized by the Ankara Mufti's Office. In the live broadcast moderated by Preacher Hatice Erdoğan, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Verbal and emotional communication are very important today. The young people of this era are the digital generation. They were born into the digital world. Young people are natives of the digital world, and we are its guests.”
“A child growing up without parents can experience attachment disorder”
Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that global capital, social media, digital platforms, and television aim to stop the world's population growth; “If the world population increases, global capital owners may lose their dominance; their concern is not to be rich but to dominate. For this reason, they see this population growth as dangerous. Population growth in the West has almost stopped, the reason for this is the weakening of family ties. In the West, the rate of children born out of wedlock is high, and instead of writing mother and father's names on the identity of the newborn children, they write parent 1, parent 2. In Scandinavian countries, there are baby boxes in the streets. The state takes care of them, and those children grow up in parentless care homes. These children later experience reactive attachment disorder; there are also children who experience emotional neglect even if they have a mother. This is called ‘abandonment without distance.’ In such situations, the child conflicts with the family and experiences attachment disorder.”
“Young people are natives of the digital world”
Tarhan noted that there are three types of communication; “The first is healthy communication, the second is conflictual ego wars, and the third is lack of communication. In conflictual ego wars, intelligent individuals question what they can do for the good of the family. In such a situation, one acts by thinking. Lack of communication is worse than conflictual communication. It can no longer be fixed. It is on the path to prolongation. Today, verbal and emotional communication are very important. The young people of this era are the digital generation. They were born into the digital world. They are natives of the digital world, and we are its guests.”
“Drone mother suffocates the child's spirit”
Tarhan stated that drone mothers are excessively controlling and this situation greatly suffocates the child's spirit; “Especially during adolescence, some children cannot accept this situation, and constant arguments occur between mother and child. This type of motherhood is not suitable for a child's upbringing. A 'drone mother' is a type of mother who hovers over the child like a shadow, knows everything about their relationships with friends, and does not want anything to be done without asking them. When children of this mother type come to us, we evaluate the mother and the family, not just the child."
“The child should be taught ego ideal”
Prof. Dr. Tarhan noted that parents must teach their child the ego ideal; “Parents want their child to be raised in the best possible way. They say, 'My child should do this and that.' They raise 'project children.' However, parents should think, 'How can I raise my child happily at home, and at the same time ensure they are disciplined? What kind of goal and purpose can I set for them?' We must certainly teach our children their ego ideals. We need to ask them what kind of person they want to be in the future, how they want to be remembered at the end of their lives. When a child is without purpose, they fall into pleasure traps.
If we can give a child a purpose, if we have created a culture related to it within the family, the child tries drugs, etc. They see that these are fake happiness, and the child immediately returns to their family. Therefore, making the home a lovely, attractive, warm atmosphere is the greatest thing parents can do. You might be a good businessman, but if you couldn't be a good father, is raising a good child less important than building a good factory? Raising a good child is the greatest production of a family, a mother, and a father.”
“Parents should pay attention to their attitudes”
Tarhan stated that smart parental attitudes are important; “These parents do not impulsively point out the child's mistakes. They think, 'My child made this mistake today, I will tell them about it without hurting them.' For example, telling a child without confronting them directly is like this: 'Look, my child, you did this job so well. What if you did this one like that too, what do you think?' Or if a child brings home a report card with 7-8 good grades, passing the class, but also 2-3 failing ones. Instead of saying, 'What kind of child are you, why did you bring these low grades?' it is necessary to develop an approach like, 'Look how well you did these, what should we do to fix these others?'”