Üsküdar Üniversitesi Founding Rector Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the “Istanbul Parent Summit” organized by the Istanbul Provincial Directorate of National Education as part of the 2025 Family Year. Reminding that the 0-3 age range plays an important role in learning about life, Tarhan stated that the child's first teacher is the mother. Emphasizing that Turkish culture attaches great importance to family, Tarhan noted that investments made in the family will yield positive results in the medium and long term. Tarhan also reminded that digital media governs us, adding that digital parenting is needed for the digital generation.
Istanbul Governor Davut Gül and Istanbul Provincial Director of National Education Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mücahit Yentür, along with many educators in the field, attended the summit held at Ataşehir Ahmet Keleşoğlu Science High School. The summit was met with great interest by the participants.
The interview with Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan was moderated by Journalist Şaban Özdemir.
“The child’s first teacher is their mother”
Stating that the 0-3 age range plays an important role in learning about life, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said; “When a human child is born, they are psychologically premature. For example, a duckling swims immediately after hatching. A giraffe calf walks right away, but a human walks at 1 year old. They choose between good and bad at 15. They learn all these later. The child's first teacher is their mother. No one can replace the mother or a mother figure between 0-3 years old. There is a maternal hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone. It is secreted most in breastfeeding mothers. Biologically, there is such a law of creation. If there is no mother or mother figure during that period, the child cannot develop, cannot learn about life. More than 50 percent of life is learned between 0-3 years old. Previously, it was called the 0-6 age range, but current developments indicate the 0-3 age range.” he began his words.
“We are a culture that places great importance on family”
Tarhan, emphasizing the importance of 2025 being declared the Year of the Family, said; “A warm connection is essential in a healthy family. If there isn't a safe space or healthy connections in the family, children raised there will struggle in life. For this reason, wise administrations make family investments in the form of medium to long-term investments. This year being declared the ‘Family Year’ has truly been a great opportunity. In other words, the state has paved the way for us. Therefore, we need to fill the void behind this path. We are a culture that places great importance on family. Our family ties are healthy, but they won't be in 10-20 years with this trend. Because household fragility is increasing. Single-person households are considered fragile households. Five-person households are considered healthy households. This is in TÜİK statistics. Five-person households are rapidly decreasing. Single-person households are rapidly increasing. If no precautions are taken against this situation, we will become a much more problematic society in the future. Social peace will be affected, crime will increase, suicides will increase, violence will increase, and cultural values will not be transferable.” he stated.
“The spread of this virus endangers the future of society…”
Emphasizing focusing on the positive instead of fighting the negative, Tarhan stated; “A virus has entered the family and is about to disrupt it. The spread of this virus endangers the future of society. I can never forget the first books I wrote. ‘Being at Peace with Yourself, Psychology of Marriage, Psychology of Happiness, The Last Refuge: Family’… I felt it when I wrote these books. As professionals, we see the bleeding wound. It bleeds internally, meaning it's not visible from the outside. There are four pillars in medicine. The first is the treatment pillar. It is expensive, needs to be sustained, and burdensome. The second is identifying risk groups and preventing them from getting sick. Providing treatment with early diagnosis. In tertiary prevention, treatment is given to prevent recurrence after allowing for the possibility. In other words, we need to look holistically. Family is the most important thing in preventive mental health. It is more logical to solve problems by strengthening the strong side. Working positively instead of fighting the negative. That is, social scientists should not approach events like mechanics. Social scientists should approach events like architects. A mechanic deals with the past, repairs it, and leaves it, but social scientists need to design their futures.” he said.
“Investments in the family are investments whose fruits we will reap in the medium and long term”
Tarhan, drawing attention to the importance of not losing family ties, said; “In the past, there were extended families. When a problem arose at home, grandmothers and grandfathers would help and solve the problems. Someone from Europe comes to research our family structure. They examine, ‘Is Turkey a nuclear family or an extended family?’ They can't say nuclear family, nor can they say extended family. They see that they live together like a cellular family in the same apartment. They say, ‘You have formed a confederation of nuclear families.’ So, we have actually produced our own solution. This is a good thing. Because when a situation arises, it helps. It’s a tremendous family insurance. Currently, family insurance is what sustains Turkey and prevents economic crises. When one family member falls, another helps. Such close images emerge. We should not lose these. In other words, one of the most important new horizons in family psychology is increasing the number of foster families. Its fruit emerges later. Investments made in the family are investments whose fruits we will reap in the medium and long term.” he said.
“Family mediation system should be implemented”
Stating that some problems can be solved by implementing a family mediation system, Tarhan said; “It is necessary to manage crises well in the family. That is, a family mediation system should be implemented. For example, commercial mediation has been successful in Turkey. Approximately 70 percent of cases were settled outside of court. After the pandemic, rent mediation emerged. It also took its place among ordinary court cases. However, there is another mediation system. This mediation system is family mediation. 20 percent of those who divorce remarry. The 20 percent statistic is from the ministry's statistics. If this family mediation system is in place, problems can be solved before they go to court. If there is violence, mediation has no meaning, but in all other incidents except violence, many issues can be resolved through family mediation.” he stated.
“Opposing them becomes an ego battle!”
Stating that digital parenting is needed for the digital generation, Tarhan said; “In our culture, a man is called ‘refik’ and a woman ‘refika’. ‘Refik’ means male companion. ‘Refika’ means female traveling companion. So, you have entered married life with a high purpose. The companionship that leads to that purpose is chosen. There must be a common goal in marriage. There must be an ideal for the ego. No one without a plan in their mind can sustain their marriage. They drift wherever the wind blows. Populist culture governs us. We are not the subjects of our lives. We are not the captains of our lives. Social media governs us. Digital media and environments govern us. Especially communication technologies govern us. We need to teach screen time management. This requires digital parenting. We cannot do it with classical parenting, we cannot convince them. They are the digital generation. The younger generation is egocentric but very lovely, well-intentioned, and has a high sense of innocence. Therefore, instead of opposing them, we should take them alongside us. Opposing them becomes ego battles.” he stated.
“It is necessary to teach a meaning-focused philosophy of life”
Emphasizing the importance of meaning-happiness, Tarhan said; “Modernism has currently changed our philosophy of life. It says, ‘If I'm not going to do what I want, why should I live?’ This is a hedonistic philosophy of life. The US has started paying the price for this. There is a tremendous decay it is experiencing. Family decay. Hedonism is pleasure-focused. This is related to dopamine in the brain. In fact, Aristotle said this 2,500 years ago. Aristotle divides happiness into two. One is hedonic happiness. The other is meaning-happiness. Currently, neuroscience has identified this. Pleasure-happiness releases dopamine in the brain. Short-term pleasures release it, but when dopamine runs out, it wants it again. Meaning-happiness, on the other hand, means you have a future goal. You take a step towards that goal. You encounter an obstacle, but you think about the goal. You say, ‘I need to overcome this.’ As you do this, the brain manages that pleasure, succeeds in delaying gratification, achieves the skill of delaying satisfaction, and resilience training. It produces serotonin in the brain. In fact, the characteristic of antidepressant drugs is to increase serotonin, not dopamine, in the brain. It provides happiness in the brain by increasing serotonin. Dopamine is related to pleasure, that is, to short-term happiness. After these supports from neuroscience, it was understood that a hedonistic philosophy of life is wrong as a life philosophy. It is necessary to teach a meaning-focused philosophy of life.” he said.
“A child receives love from the mother, and trust from the father”
Tarhan, speaking about motherhood and fatherhood careers, said; “A child receives love from the mother and trust from the father. A child has two heroes, one is their mother and the other is their father. The father gives them confidence against external realities. The mother also gives them confidence against internal realities. That is, our biological algorithm is created this way. The working system in the brain is also like this. Modernism has greatly affected this too. How many careers does a mother have, and how many careers does a father have? A woman has a motherhood career, a spouse career, a housewife career. A man has only one career, a businessman career. They say, ‘What you eat is in front of you, what you don't eat is behind you.’ They say, ‘When the child does something good, it's from me; when they do something bad, it's from you.’ There is such a fatherhood role. Mothers try to correct, cover up, and compensate for this…” he stated.
“Mother devotes herself to her children, father to his work”
Tarhan, explaining the issue of role-sharing in marriage, said; “After marriage, the mother devotes herself to her children, and the father devotes himself to his work. The emotional distance between them widens. As it widens, problems cannot be solved. When emotional distance widens, a simple issue can cause a fight, for example. When solving this problem, the family needs to ask, ‘Where is the well-being of the family?’ If a father does this, leadership in the family belongs to him. In our current study on ‘Who has leadership in the family?’, the mother always tries to compensate, becomes self-sacrificing, and is the giving party. If the man only assumes the role of bringing money home as a businessman, problems will certainly arise in that family. But the father role, spouse role, and if working at home, the businessman role, and the mother also works. He needs to help with this. It needs to be done as fair sharing. There are 5 S’s in marriage. The first S is ‘sevgi’ (love). There is a slightly greater form of love, ‘şefkat’ (compassion). Unconditional love, that is, love with empathy. The second ‘S’ is like water. It definitely requires discipline. That is ‘saygı’ (respect). If there is no respect, love poisons. Respect also sets boundaries. One step further from respect, sometimes people can show respect out of fear. A more developed form of that is ‘nezaket’ (courtesy). That is, courtesy as sensitivity not to hurt the other party. The third S is ‘sabır’ (patience). Patience is of two kinds: negative patience and positive patience. Negative patience is enduring difficulties. Positive patience is being able to defer pleasures while moving towards a goal. Being able to act wisely by thinking about the purpose. This is also a form of patience. The fourth S is ‘sadakat’ (loyalty). Loyalty also has two meanings: one is truthfulness, ‘sıdk’. The second is attachment, faithfulness. ‘Sıdk’ means there is no trust where there is a lie. Where there is no trust, all kinds of evil find a way. That's why if we fill a room with all evils, a lie opens its door. The fifth is ‘samimiyet’ (sincerity). An open, transparent, honest relationship is very important in a family. When such a relationship exists, a tremendous bond is formed.” he concluded his words.
