In healthy communication, the focus is the process, not the person!

Üsküdar University Vocational School of Health Services (VSHS) organized an online event titled “Problems Encountered While Communicating and Effective Communication Methods.” Instructor, Expert Clinical Psychologist Can Kamsız attended the event as a guest. Kamsız emphasized that communication is not merely the transfer of a message but a process of meaning-making, stating that conflicts arise not from incorrect information but from different interpretations of information. Kamsız also pointed out that in healthy communication, the focus is the process, not the person, and underlined that the use of 'you' language destroys empathy and turns dialogue into a battle.

The moderator of the online event was Instructor Ayşe Bağlı, Head of the VSHS First and Emergency Aid Program. Additionally, VSHS Deputy Director Instructor Esad Sadık Demirtaş, VSHS faculty members, and students attended the event.

The first condition in communication: Correct transmission and layer of meaning!

Stating that communication is not just a message transfer and that the main problems begin in the process of meaning-making, Expert Clinical Psychologist Can Kamsız said; “The first condition of communication is correct transmission. If the message does not go through correctly, people misunderstand the message from the very beginning, and trust is shaken. However, in human communication, people do not only hear words. They also feel the emotional tone carried by the words, the status message, or how it defines the relationship. The part that causes the most problems in human relationships is usually the third layer, the layer of meaning. Most conflicts arise not from misinformation, but from different interpretations of the same information.” he stated.

“Not real information, but the scenario in communication is discussed”

Kamsız, drawing attention to cognitive distortions that disrupt communication, addressed the danger of mind-reading without sufficient evidence. Kamsız; “Making assumptions essentially means to predict the other party’s intention, emotion, and purpose with certainty, without sufficient data. This interpretation is accepted as reality, and real information is no longer discussed; instead, the scenario in that communication is discussed. Now, however you fill that scenario, that becomes the trigger for conflict. In other words, you start talking not with the person in front of you, but with your own mental scenario.” he said.

“In healthy communication, the focus is the process, not the person”

Kamsız emphasized that the use of 'you' language in communication destroys empathy and turns dialogue into a battle; “one of the quickest traps to escalate conflict in communication is accusatory language, fundamentally the use of 'you' language. Accusatory language is a defense-initiating language. The other party automatically chooses to protect themselves without evaluating the content of the message in any way. When empathy decreases, understanding weakens, and thus communication loses its problem-solving function and turns into a struggle for who is right. What is discussed is no longer ‘How do we solve it?’ but ‘Who is right?’, which is very dangerous. In healthy communication, the focus is the process, not the person. Saying ‘I struggled in this process’ is not the same as saying ‘I struggled because of you’.” he stated.

“Reaction is an outcome that should not ne present in communication”

Emphasizing the importance of responses filtered through thought instead of impulsive outbursts, Can Kamsız talked about the strategy of delaying reaction. Kamsız; “I say quick reaction, but reaction is an outcome that shouldn't really be present in communication. Instead, we want to hear a ‘response’. While reaction accompanies the speed of an emotion, a response is an output filtered through thought. There might be differences of mere seconds between the two, and in that small pause, we find an opportunity to answer the questions, ‘What happened? What did I understand?’. Quick reaction makes communication reactive, while a regulated response makes communication conscious and sustainable.” he said.

The event concluded after a Q&A session.