Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: "Loneliness occurs as a result of narcissism"

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan participated in the Second Positive Psychology Symposium organized online by the Institute of Positive Psychology. At the symposium, Tarhan shared his presentation titled 'Managing Our Emotional Experiences – The Power of Emotional Flexibility' with the participants. Stating that the most important reason for rigidity of thought is narcissism, Tarhan pointed out that narcissism poses a global threat. Tarhan emphasized that the most important thing in human relations is good intentions and effort.

The biggest enemy is 'Narcissism'

President of Üsküdar University Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan expressed that our brain works with a network system in the program and stated that "Emotions works with thought, behavior and decision-making mechanisms. Here, everyone who appeals to emotions and thoughts repairs the network in the brain like a mechanic. The most important thing here is the California Syndrome... The first is hedonism, the second is narcissism, and the third is loneliness, and then depression. I want to say that narcissism is the biggest enemy in emotion-cognitive flexibility. For this reason, emotional positivity, mental flexibility, and behavioral embracing are like managing emotions, taking and managing the other party, dancing together, walking together; however, it is not one person managing another person in a relationship. It is a relationship of being companions together. The other relationship of management is monologue. The ideal relationship will be dialogue, not one-way, but two-sided. If this happens in relations, both sides benefit.”

"The most important thing in human relations is good intention and effort"

Giving an example from the hadith 'If you have good intentions and good efforts, Allah is the complement of it.', Prof. Tarhan said that "This hadith is the Hadith of Allah, which is the word of Allah that was told to the Prophet. The most important thing in human relations is goodwill and effort. If there are these, it is very likely that this work will yield results. For this reason, the new area of research in psychology is the neuroscience of intention, both in human relations and in therapy. Mirror neurons become involved. Since mirror neurons come into play, if the other party is sincere with the neuroscience of intention, mirror neurons in the brain work accordingly. If we have a malicious intent, the mirror neurons on the other side sense it and say I received negative energy or positive energy."

"The most important reason for rigidity of thought..."

Underlining that one of the most important reasons for rigidity of thought is narcissism, Tarhan stated that digital narcissism currently exists globally in the world. Tarhan stated that "Everyone has the feeling of being a narcissist. We all had it; however, the rate of becoming a personality disorder is between the ages of 20 and 29. Do not think that this decreases with age. It is become a personality disorder. This is high in the new generations. In 30 or 40 years, it will probably be high. Very few of them improve because these people are closed to self-criticism, but if something big happens to them, if a disaster happens, then they can change. Otherwise, they do not change on their own."

"Currently, 2 major diseases threaten humanity globally"

Pointing out that the narcissism epidemic is a serious global threat, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan said; "Currently, 2 major diseases threaten humanity globally. Modernism and Secularism... This secularism translates as worldliness. In other words, moral achievement cannot develop in people who live without a sense of accountability after death because they are capable of hidden evil. In order to be morally successful, these people must not do evil deed, even in secret. In other words, moral success is high in those who act with a sense of accountability after death."

“As a result of narcissism, loneliness arises"

Mentioning that people with inflated egos are closed to criticism, Prof. Tarhan said that "People whose biggest organ is the ego have multiplied. When people with inflated egos say, ‘I know everything’ and they are closed to criticism. There is rigidity of thought. Their thinking gets flexible if something happens to their benefit. If it is not something related to their interests, it does not change at all because they are fed with praise, and they want their ego to be satisfied. A false environment is formed around them. As a result of this narcissism, loneliness emerges."

"The mental walls between fear and trust are very thin and changeable..."

Talking about the characteristics of people with narcissistic personality disorder, Tarhan once again underlined that narcissism is the biggest cause of rigidity of thought. Tarhan expressed that "Narcissistic people cannot empathize. There are feelings of hatred, anger, jealousy. The sense of entitlement is always directed towards themselves. When they achieve their grand ideals, their true personalities are revealed more. Narcissists have fears and successes. For example, those who show courage are afraid; however, they pretend not to be afraid. There are people who whistle as they pass through the cemetery. In fact, one whistles to combat the fear within. People who bully and show courage by saying, 'Don't hold me!' are actually cowards. The mental walls between fear and trust are very thin and changeable. They are assertive to show themselves. When they are not smart, talented, their reason for life disappears and they end their lives."

"If they don't want to lose you, they will change"

Explaining how to behave when faced with a narcissist, Tarhan said that "There are two important things that will motivate them to change. Firstly, they should feel that they are very close to lose what they value. The second is that they believe you are serious. If they believe that, narcissists will see that it is serious, you are determined, then if they do not want to lose you, they will change. If they want to lose, they will leave you anyway. Here, in fact, you get rid of it. In such cases, we should be happy, not be sad. To prevent narcissism, think critically and know your own purpose."

"The social media generation is at risk"

Talking about the difference between X, Y and Z generations, Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that Generation X has less contact with technology, and Generation Z has more. Organizational commitment, self-confidence and comfort, individualism, convenience, authority and obedience are high in Generation X. Generation X is the radio generation, Generation Y is the television generation, Generation Z is the social media generation. The social media generation is much more affected. That's why the social media generation is at risk. Social media use is high, multiple attention is more, liking to work is less, conforming to social norms is less, friendship is less because there is less impulse control. Under the influence of popular culture, family values are weaker, and impatience and haste are higher. Moreover, individuality is higher, and they are very successful in expressing themselves. This turns out to be high. Consumerism is high. The difference in emotional logical intelligence is high, and social responsibility is low. Intrinsic responsibility is low."

"We need to conceptualize emotions"

Stating that the wheel of emotion describes the emotions in people, Tarhan said that "Horror, admiration, ecstasy, wariness, hatred... It starts like this: Caution or anger begins to be disturbed. What is the sense of prudence? Expectation and interest. These four have a strength of character. It is also used a lot in values education. There, 24 values are considered as 6 virtues. It is a combination of emotions here...

For example, amazement causes being surprised and distraction. Horror causes fear and anxiety. The emotion actually reveals the mental state. Admiration builds trust and approval. Enthusiasm creates joy. Providence creates expectation and interest. Rage creates discomfort, disgust, and boredom. Mourning creates sadness and absent-mindedness. It creates astonishment, surprise, and distraction. There are outward behaviors such as disappointment, regret, contempt, and aggression. Attraction is also a more general concept... It is referred to as an umbrella. Therefore, we need to conceptualize emotions in some way. When we conceptualize, we understand, and when we understand, the uncertainty goes away, and when the uncertainty goes, we can manage. In order to manage emotions, we need to conceptualize them. We need to clear up the uncertainty. If we cannot measure a person, we cannot manage it. If we are going to manage emotions, we need to measure them."

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)