Prof. Nevzat Tarhan: “Digitalization is not a threat, but an opportunity”

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan received great interest in Ankara. Tarhan, who first met with educators and parents at Ankara Dost College, made remarkable assessments in his talk titled “Child Education in the Digital World and Happiness in the Family.” Emphasizing that digitalization should be considered an opportunity, not a threat, Tarhan said that children should be taught conscious digital media use. Tarhan’s second stop in Ankara was ABC Schools. Speaking under the title “Strong Family, Strong Society: The Role of Values,” Tarhan noted that being part of a meaning is human beings' greatest source of motivation. Tarhan also emphasized that individuals should have purposes and meanings that transcend themselves.

 

President of Üsküdar University, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan’s first stop in Ankara was Dost College.

First we will learn, then we will teach our children!

In the talk titled “Child Education in the Digital World and Happiness in the Family,” moderated by Muhammed Alpkent, Tarhan said that digitalization should be considered an opportunity, not a threat. Tarhan stated that “First we will learn, and then we will teach our children conscious digital media use.”

“If there is love and goodwill, there is no problem that cannot be solved”

In the program, which garnered intense interest, Tarhan touched upon the problems caused by lack of communication in marriage. Tarhan stated that “One of the most common problems in marriages is lack of communication. When spouses do not listen to each other, do not understand each other, or constantly criticize and blame each other, the bond between them weakens over time. This situation leads to divorces. If there is goodwill and love in a marriage, problems are solved more easily. Parties can approach each other with understanding and solve problems before they escalate. Talking about problems instead of ignoring them strengthens the marriage. Communication problems affect not only the couple but also the children at home. If there are constant arguments between the mother and father, the child does not feel safe at home. They come home scared and have difficulty concentrating at school. Because children model not only their parents but also the relationship between them. Love and rules should be balanced at home. Both excessive pressure and excessive freedom are harmful to children. Children raised in a healthy environment both feel safe and learn to take responsibility. So, communication in marriage is very important. If there is love and goodwill, there is no problem that cannot be solved. If every problem is noticed and solved in time, the family becomes stronger,” he said.

“If the intention is bad, the result is also bad”

Explaining the importance of right intention in the digital age, Tarhan said that “Today, we are in the midst of the digital age. Every generation got to know technology through a different tool. Generation X grew up with radio, Generation Y with television, and Generation Z with the internet. New generations get to know, learn, and make sense of the world through the internet. Technology itself is neutral. It is shaped by how we use it. When used correctly, it provides benefits; when used incorrectly, it causes harm. Therefore, let's see digitalization not as a threat, but as an opportunity. Today, accessing information is very easy. With AI-supported tools, we can answer a question in seconds. When these systems are fed with accurate and quality information, they can offer useful content to people. Today, many people are discovering the truth by reading the Holy Quran on the internet. Because when approached with a sincere search, truth reveals itself. If the intention is bad, the result is also bad. If we act with the right intention and the right tools in the digital age, we can make great contributions both to ourselves and to humanity.”

“Every bullying incident is also an educational opportunity”

Also answering questions from participants, Tarhan stated that peer bullying is also an opportunity for education. Tarhan stated; “Peer bullying is an important problem we frequently encounter today. At the root of this situation usually lie differences in communication and expression skills among children. While some children can express themselves comfortably, others are more introverted emotionally and socially. These children may even experience social communication difficulties. For example, a child who is very smart in mathematics may not understand jokes in the classroom, and this can lead to their exclusion. This child, who doesn't laugh because they don't understand, eventually becomes the subject of ridicule by other children. This turns into peer bullying. The children most exposed to peer bullying are generally individuals who are different, specially talented, or have difficulty adapting to teamwork. There are even children who refuse to go to school because of this. When a detailed examination is made in these cases, peer bullying often emerges as the underlying cause. However, every bullying incident is also an educational opportunity. Because children are prepared for life not only with academic success but also with social skills. It is possible to encounter bullying in different forms in all areas of life. What is important is to teach children how to cope with this situation, produce solutions, and protect themselves."

Tarhan’s second stop in Ankara was ABC Schools. In his talk titled “Strong Family, Strong Society, The Role of Values,” Tarhan expressed that being part of a meaning is human beings' greatest source of motivation.

“One should not be anachronistic in this age”

Emphasizing the importance of up-to-date parenting practices, Psychiatrist Prof. Nevzat Tarhan stated that “The truths of this age have changed. If we try to raise children and young people with the understanding of motherhood and fatherhood we learned from our mothers, fathers, or elders, or with old educational models, we will lose them. Therefore, it is necessary not to be anachronistic in this age. Anachronistic means trying to understand today with the thoughts and lifestyle of a past era. We cannot act by ignoring the concept of time. This situation is valid not only for social structures but also for human nature. Today, there are universal values. For example, in 1993, the Global Ethic Manifesto was declared in Chicago. When we look at the values there, we see universal principles that we can all accept. For example, like ‘Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you.’ However, in this age, we have forgotten these values. We have forgotten them, and they are also absent in practice. This will naturally have a price, but currently, the most important thing that keeps a person going is being part of a meaning.”

“Values are learned through value-laden education”

Stating that it is important to pursue meaning instead of pleasure, Tarhan expressed that “Human beings need to have purposes that transcend themselves. When there are no such goals based on high values, the meaning of life is questioned. Currently, hedonism has begun to be idealized globally. There are two basic hormones in the human brain associated with happiness: dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine, for example, is secreted when you eat chocolate. However, the characteristic of dopamine is its short-term effect. It immediately craves the next dose, and this causes addiction. On the other hand, serotonin is the brain's happiness chemical related to meaning. This is actually not new information. 2,500 years ago, Aristotle spoke of two types of happiness: one is hedonistic happiness, and the other is eudaimonic happiness. This is about how you want to be remembered at the end of your life. If a person learns to be happy through meaning and teaches their children to pursue meaning, that child will build a more solid life and will not easily stray onto wrong paths. Because they have a purpose and meaning. If a person has meaning and purpose in their life, values are like road signs in traffic for them. Our value judgments guide us. We should especially teach values in primary school. Values are not taught through conferences or sermons. Values are learned through value-laden education.”

“We cannot expect a social transformation without a mental transformation”

Explaining how role sharing should be in the family, Tarhan stated that “Just as there are boundaries, doors, and walls in a building, apartment, or neighborhood relationships, there are also social and emotional boundaries. However, these boundaries are not concrete; they are invisible, abstract, and mental. We cannot expect a social transformation without a mental transformation. To raise a good child in the family, we first need to correct the models in our minds. The role of motherhood, the role of fatherhood, the role of a spouse in our minds... We must do all this role sharing correctly. Because role sharing means defining boundaries. Just as there is a job description in a workplace and boundaries become clear thanks to this description, it is the same in the family. That's why when we solve a problem, we start by putting the problem into writing. In fact, in Türkiye, writing down a problem means solving fifty percent of it. If everyone proceeds by writing, boundaries will also become clear. To learn the boundaries within the family, I recommend that families hold a family session once a week.”

“We struggle more with setting boundaries in the world of technology”

Speaking about the difficulties of setting rules for digitalization, Tarhan said that “We struggle more with setting boundaries in the world of technology. Because it is easier to break the rules in this area. Between the ages of 0-6, if the mother says yes one day and no the next, or if the mother and father say different things, the child will not take the rules seriously. They will look for an open door to bend the rules. In this case, the parents lose their leadership at home, the child becomes the leader of the house, and a ruleless environment emerges. Digitalization, on the other hand, seriously sabotages rule-setting. I even saw a baby who had just started walking making a screen-swiping motion with their finger in their dream. Meaning, they are still a baby, but a digital habit has already formed. Sometimes children come to psychiatry with speech delays. We find that they constantly have a tablet in their hand at home, or the television is always on. The mother gives the child a screen to deal with household chores. Because the word production area in the child's brain is not working, the child listens and understands but cannot speak. We immediately have them turn off the screen and start speech therapy. They usually learn quickly, but if they pass the age of 4, this process becomes very difficult. Because the word production and comprehension areas of the brain gradually close after the age of 4. We sometimes mistake what a child does for naughtiness. Whereas the child is developing their muscles against gravity. This is the natural behavior for that age. Especially between the ages of 0-6, the child learns everything from the mother and father. Here, they learn not through words but through behaviors and attitudes. Because a child follows their parents' footsteps, not their words.”

“Those who make the same mistake repeatedly can never learn their lesson”

Also answering questions from participants, Tarhan stated that when mental flexibility is gained, social and emotional flexibility will develop. Tarhan said that “The events children learn, behavioral patterns, thought structures, and social learnings are all life scripts. This script continues to develop throughout a person's life. When a child starts school, new actors enter their life; when they start work, other actors; and when they get married, completely different roles come into play. So, a person must learn to update their script according to the changing actors on the stage of life. However, some people never change their life script. These are individuals who have difficulty learning and cannot show flexibility. There are three basic forms of learning. The first is learning by trial and error. Trying to learn everything by experiencing it, but this is a slow and laborious process. The second is smart learning. Learning by benefiting from the experiences of others is the most effective method. Those who make the same mistake repeatedly can never learn their lesson. This causes major problems in social relationships. People who cannot sustain deep relationships like marriage are usually in this group. These types of people are often stubborn and selfish. When they gain mental flexibility, social and emotional flexibility also begin to develop.”

“Teaching social-emotional skills in the 4-6 age range is of great importance”

Stating that the 4-6 age range is a critical period for learning values, Tarhan said that “At these ages, the child has not yet started school and tries to make sense of the world by observing their surroundings. During this period, which is also important for brain development, the child cannot distinguish between abstract and concrete concepts. Usually, children begin to learn this difference between the ages of 6-7. For example, if a child younger than 4 is shown a video, they might think the monsters in it are real. Because the abstract-concrete distinction has not yet developed in their brain. This situation is related to the child's developing cognitive structure. Mirror neurons also play an important role in this process. Mirror neurons are cells in our brain that can reflect another person's movement or emotion like a mirror. When someone raises their hand, we unconsciously visualize that movement in our minds. Similarly, if the person in front of us is feeling a strong emotion, we also feel it. This provides a kind of wireless communication between brains. However, in autistic individuals, these mirror neurons do not function properly. Therefore, they may have difficulty empathizing. Animals do not have these neurons; only humans do. Empathy is a skill learned over time. Over time, a child learns to notice another's pain and help them. This is only possible through the transfer of experience, that is, through lived experience. Therefore, teaching values and social-emotional skills in the 4-6 age range is of great importance. Because the child has a concrete thinking system during this period, and everything they learn at this age becomes very valuable tools they will use throughout their life.”

“Empathy is one of the first values a person should learn”

Drawing attention to the importance of empathy, Tarhan stated that “When we look at the literature on evil, we most often encounter a lack of empathy. If you were to gather all evils in one room, the door would be opened by a lack of empathy. Empathy is such a decisive issue. Empathy is one of the first values a person should learn. Because humans are social beings, and these social skills are closely related, especially to brain development. Areas in our brain related to empathy have an innate tendency, but we need to learn how to use these tendencies. A confusion also arises here in the difference between empathy and sympathy. For example, if someone is crying and you sit down and cry with them, that is not empathy, it is sympathy. Empathy is understanding the other person's emotion and being able to respond appropriately; it is not experiencing the emotion exactly as they do. Only 20 percent of communication is verbal, meaning transmission through words; while 80 percent consists of non-verbal elements such as tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and subliminal emotions. All these elements are also parts of empathy. True empathy requires noticing all these elements and processing them correctly.”

 

 

 

Üsküdar News Agency (ÜNA)